Lost in Place

They still drive me up the wall - now moreso than ever - but that doesn't mean I don't think they're the cutest little ratmonkeys in the land. 'Cuz they are. No matter how much I want to ship 'em off to doggy boarding school.

Posted by Kim at 4:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by Kim at 9:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It makes me cry so much harder when my baby looks at me and starts crying because I am crying and she has that look on her face that her tiny little heart is breaking into a million pieces.

Yeah, that crushes me.

Posted by Kim at 3:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Being at work I sometimes forget how stinkin’ cute my little monkey is. Then when I see a picture of her or I go get her after work, I am quickly reminded. Yeah, I’m biased - I’m supposed to be. One day last week when I went to pick her up from day care, one of the girls was holding the teeniest little baby and I thought, “Oh my god, how cute, what a TINY baby…. Oh. Wait. That’s MY baby.” I’m kind of a dork. But, really, have I mentioned she is so cute?

Posted by Kim at 1:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A real entry is coming tomorrow but I've been seriously slacking on even just pictures so here's a picture. (I love run-on sentences, can you tell?)

Posted by Kim at 10:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Oh dear. Her hair really isn't that red. It is lightening up a bit and there is a red tint to it, but it's more brown than that picture makes it look. Though it may very well end up red... you never know.

Posted by Kim at 4:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by Kim at 9:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There are actually a few stories that relate into one here.

Before Madeleine was born we wouldn’t tell anyone what we were going to name her. We figured we’d have to come up with a code name for the baby – even before we knew if she was a boy or girl. Dan and I are very big Foo Fighters fans and it was just shortly after they released their last album so we were listening to them quite a bit. We’d been through a number of “code names” that we couldn’t really agree on or wouldn’t really stick. On my way to pick him up for one of the early prenatal appointments, a Foo Fighters song was playing and I decided right then I was calling my baby Dave Grohl. Period. End of discussion. Deal with it. Dan got in the car and said (before I had shared my important decision with him) he had been talking to somebody about calling her “Foo Fighter or Foo.” So since we were both on the exact same page, it stuck. She would be known from that point on as Baby Dave Grohl. And it really did stick. See (a gift we were given):

While we are both Foo Fighters fans, I am a pathetic, hopeless X-Files fan(atic, I know. Hush.). What are the odds that the two should meet? Well, they did. Way back when… When the X-Files was actually on the air when. Dave Grohl was in an episode. And, the Foo Fighters did a song for the Soundtrack to the X-Files movie. It was a song they already had and one that I actually already loved. Chris Carter, the creator of the X-Files, said that he thought the song really illustrated the relationship between Mulder and Scully (it’s a sickness, shut up). So even if I didn’t already love it, well I would be obligated now, right? Anyway… “Walking After You” was one of my favorite songs and now also a part of my favorite show. That was obviously quite some time ago – so I have loved that song for many years. I walked down the aisle at my wedding to that song. It was supposed to be on the playlist I was planning to use at the hospital if I’d had the chance to actually make it for when the baby was born. In a nutshell, I’m more obsessed with that song than I was with the X-Files.

We’ve seen them live a few times but they’ve –unsurprisingly – never played the song. It’s a very mellow, slow song – not really suited for a rock concert. I was okay with that because everything they do play is SO good. But wouldn’t it be so cool if someday, just someday they played it? Just maybe? Well how about on my birthday?! That’s “someday,” right? Dan took me to their Acoustic Tour show in DC last night for my birthday and they played MY song on MY birthday. Of course it was just for me. You get that, right? Right?? Well, either way, it was awesome!

*It had to be titled that or "Mmmm.... Dave......"

Posted by Kim at 9:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What a way to mark the day she is two months old – dumping her at day care for the first time ever. (I didn’t call.) She survived, even had a good day while there. She even slept in the pak-n-play they have for her. Twerp. Sounds like maybe I’ll need to invest in one of those if it’s not a fluke.

She still isn’t sleeping very well at night, but it’s been much better lately. She used to wake up at 9:30 or 10 and then be up until 2 or 3 in the morning. She’s getting a little better of a routine down now but I am sure that will revert back to nights spent in hell as soon as we try to move her to her own room. Lately she’s been waking up an hour before the alarm goes off and that’s not much fun either. But I would certainly take that over being up all night.

She has grown so much in the last month. After posting the 8 week picture, my sister said, “That’s not even the same baby I just saw.” She was only here a few weeks ago and it’s true, she already looks completely different. I knew they grew fast and that time flies, but come on! She’s barely two months old and I already want her to stop growing. I’m in for it, aren’t I??

She has discovered playing with spit bubbles. That’s her new thing lately. And she is the biggest wiggle worm - arms and legs always flailing about. She’ll hold on to a rattle but really only beats herself in the head with it.

Random things I’ve learned during the second month:

-Never go anywhere without too many diapers.
-Don’t ever think a baby can’t melt your heart at least once a day.
-And make you want to pull all your hair out thirty seconds later.
-Just because you’ve heard how beautiful she is from every last stranger on the planet doesn’t mean you’ll
ever get sick of hearing it.
-Even though sometimes on bad days you just want to scream, “Hey, I haven’t heard THAT before!”
-Shopping for me is BORING. (Which is wrong on so many levels)
-Shopping for baby stuff? Now that’s fun!
-Things really do get better.

And, of course, I am completely biased, but seriously – have you ever seen a cuter baby?

(Shut up. You have NOT.)

Posted by Kim at 1:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today was her first day at day care. It’s half way through the day and I haven’t called to check on her yet.

(I will not call.)

We dropped her off, said bye and left. I didn’t cry. It wasn’t even a “hide it from my husband” cry. I thought I would. I almost did. But I made it.

(I will not call.)

I have just realized how ugly the line between day care and staying at home really is. Before I never questioned that I would work full time. I understood the dilemma of what do you do – but for other people. Yes, it is a very personal decision. And I know there are people out there that no matter what you decide, it’s the wrong decision. But I never realized that even for yourself, no matter what you decide, well – there’s just no winning. I never really understood the term “mommy guilt.” You really get a crash course in that from the second the child is born. So, for now, we just take her to day care and hope for the best.

(I will not call.)

Luckily she’s too young to know the difference. As long as she’s got a place to sleep and someone to change her diaper and shove a bottle in her mouth, I don’t think she’d care if we left her on the moon. It’s when she gets to the point of getting upset about being left that I think it will be hard.

(Nope, not gonna call.)

It is kind of weird though. I walked out to meet Dan for lunch and had the biggest feeling of forgetting something. Cuz! Woah, I don’t have the baby and he doesn’t have the baby. Who the hell has the baby?? Oh, yeah…

But I’m sure she’ll be fine and she’ll learn to like it there. Right?

Right? Because I am NOT going to call.

Posted by Kim at 2:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I love my dogs. Anyone who knows me would never doubt that. I swore I would never Lady and the Tramp my dogs. However, ever since this baby came along, they drive me nuts. I have no patience for them whatsoever. They don’t even do anything out of the ordinary or that they haven’t done all their lives. It’s me.

We were a little worried about bringing home a baby to them. Jordan can be a little nippy (but that’s not much of an issue until the baby is mobile) and Scully is an attention hog.

Jordan hasn’t changed a bit. She couldn’t care less - she still hates everyone and doesn’t want anything to do with anyone. She stays in her little bed and looks down on the world. And yet, every once in a while now, she comes out and tries to play. It’s still very rare but it actually happens. Of course it happens while I am feeding the baby and can’t do anything but look at her and remind her how bad her timing is.

Scully was the one we were worried about. She was the center of attention, the needy one; she’s the one who we though might backlash because something is stealing her attention. That dog won’t let that baby out of her site. It’s pretty pathetic really. If the baby goes upstairs, the dog goes upstairs. If the baby goes to a different room, the dog goes to the room. If the baby is on the floor, “woah! wow! hey! I can get close!” She is fascinated with her. It’s really kind of funny - in small doses. Mostly it drives me up the damn wall. I guess, y’know, if she were a Rottweiler or Doberman or something, you could say she was protecting the baby and watching out for her. She’s a freaking Chihuahua. What’s she gonna do – yap someone to death? But she is protective of the baby. She has barked up a storm when people she doesn’t know get too close. (Yes, that was actually pretty darn cute – for about 4 seconds..) Apparently our fears of her freaking out over not getting enough attention were silly. Even though you can see in her eyes she really wants you to just cuddle her and play with her like before. That makes me sad.

So where’s the problem? They bark constantly. Sure, it’s a sound the baby heard (all the time) while in the womb so it doesn’t scare the crap out of her every time - but still! It’s very annoying when everything is already high stress anyway. And she can’t always ignore the sound - like when they start barking right as she is drifting off to sleep. Yeah, that makes me really happy. With all three of them screaming, it’s a wonder I have hair left. When you can’t make them shut-up to save your life, it’s really aggravating.

They always insist on going outside the second the baby starts to eat. And when they do get outside, they dawdle and take their time doing absolutely nothing. And whether they do anything out there or not, they come in the house and immediately do it again (well, okay, I shouldn’t say “they” with that one, that’s just Scully). They don’t listen whatsoever while they’re outside and I end up having to chase them all over the yard and in Scully’s case, all over the blasted neighborhood. They don’t really listen when they’re inside either.

They are constantly under my feet now it seems. I don’t know if it’s any different from how things were before, but since I’m packing a baby around all the time now it’s harder to see them so they just about get stepped on way too often. Which is incredibly frustrating because I don’t want to hurt them by stepping on them or kicking them and I sure don’t want to trip over them and launch a baby.

In a nutshell, they just drive me bonkers because they want attention and I can’t give it to them. So I feel bad and get impatient and frustrated and then really, really grumpy. So like I said, it’s not them, it’s me. Poor, neglected little monkeys.

*No, you can’t have my dogs. I would never, ever, ever give my dogs away. Not in a million years and not to the best home imaginable. I may, however, be willing to loan them out for a spell… Hehehe.

Posted by Kim at 1:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by Kim at 11:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

They have been so very neglected I figured I'd better give them a little bit of screen time. Even though this picture makes "them" look like some sort of freakish "it."

Posted by Kim at 4:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Tomorrow I go back to work. Before I had the baby I figured it would all be fine. Then I had the baby and knew it would be really, really hard. Then it actually got here and it already feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest, thrown to the ground and getting prepared to be stomped all over tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is the second saddest day because I have to go back to work. The very saddest day will be Monday when I have to actually take her and drop her off at day care. Tomorrow and Friday she at least gets to stay at home with her dad. So I am very emotional and sad today. On top of that, I had to take her to the doctor for her two month check-up today. I was sure with as emotional as I am I would cry my eyes out like people say mothers do.

She’s a perfectly healthy two-month old. She now weighs 10 lbs 2 oz and is 22.5 inches long. Her height and weight are average for her age. At her last appointment she was a bit below the average – being a month early, that was to be expected. So she’s catching up. She absolutely hated all three shots – big surprise there. She screamed and turned purple and was absolutely miserable until the nurse was finished then she quietly whimpered and let her big tears flow. It would have been sad if it weren’t so cute. So, no, I didn’t cry. I didn’t exactly laugh at her but some of the faces she makes are just so darned cute – even when she’s miserable. And now she’s sleeping all day and just wants to be cuddled. She has matching owies on her little legs:

Updated to add: EW! And going back to work means having to start paying for gas and tolls and lunch again. Man, that sucks! I was saving so much money!

Posted by Kim at 2:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Last night I was watching the news. (And without exaggeration,) There were four murders, one rape (of a minor nonetheless), a case of child pornography and a case of child prostitution. All within the first ten minutes! Where the hell am I living? And I’m raising a child here? Good grief.

No, they didn't all happen in the first ten minutes. That's just what they reported in the first ten minutes. But still.

Posted by Kim at 5:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I used to have stories. I used to have lots of stories. I used to be able to create stories if I didn't have them. But ever since this little demon came along (yes, I just called my baby a demon - get over it), my brain has been fried. What worse than not having stories to tell is knowing I have stories to tell (hello - I have a newborn for goodness sake!) but I can't find them in my brain. So for now I will just say we have her two month check-up tomorrow morning and that means needles and pokes and unhappy baby and I have to take her all by myself and sad, sad, sad. If I can get out of there without crying (because everyone says the mom cries when the babies get shots), it'll be an okay day.

Posted by Kim at 12:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by Kim at 9:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Before I had this baby I spent all my time worrying and being paranoid about labor and delivery and breastfeeding and post-partum depression and who knows what else. When I really should have spent all my time worrying about how in the holy sam hell to get babies to sleep. This is the stuff I should have been worried about from the beginning because holy cows does it make all the difference. I guess that adage of getting back ten-fold what you gave your parents is true. Sure, I can read all sorts of stuff now and get all kinds of advice and tips but somehow it all just seems a little too late. It might help if not everything contradicted everything else. But that seems to be the case with all things baby. Should things be started immediately? At 6 weeks? 8 weeks? 12? Who knows, it's all a matter of who you ask. So, um, yeah ... Will this child ever learn to sleep?

Posted by Kim at 12:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Since I have been out on maternity leave, I have scaled back significantly on the blogs I read. Lack of down time, y’know. One I have kept a very close eye on is Whoorl. She just had her baby boy today so a huge congrats to her and her family! I am sure he is more perfect and beautiful than they ever could have imagined.

Posted by Kim at 9:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I had big plans. I had lots of big plans. I had a list probably a page long of things I wanted to get done, or at least started, before this baby came along. The day she was born, the most common phrase said that day was, “yeah, I know, it was on my list of things to get done this week.” It seemed every ten minutes I was telling the nurses, “It was on my list.” While some of it no longer matters (burning a CD for music in the hospital, packing an organized and well-thought out bag for the hospital), and some of it took care of itself (finding a pediatrician, making sure there was food in the house, getting her bed set up), some of it still hasn’t been taken care of – she still has no room of her own and I am so far behind on the website I will never catch up (at which point I’m just discouraged and neglect it altogether). My goal was to be able to post at least a picture a day so her grandparents and aunts and uncles could feel involved from afar. To see things like how she went from a newborn to an actual baby overnight somewhere during week three. But now, it’s seven weeks later and I feel too far behind to start now. But that’s not gonna stop me. Sure I may be getting a really late start, but oh well. And there are stories to tell too. If I’m in posting pictures each day, it’s easier to take a couple of minutes and type the story. Assuming this child can stay asleep for longer than twenty minutes at a time…

So we started here:

And are currently here:

I'll fill in the space between but for now thought I'd give a "oh my good gravies! She's grown way too much already" whine.

Posted by Kim at 11:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)