Lost in Place

Really – it was a very uneventful weekend. I did some shopping, some yard work and some cleaning and Dan emerged from his room maybe twice. So it was a very slow, mellow, boring few days.

Except the neighbors probably didn’t think so late Saturday night.

I was out raking leaves on Saturday afternoon and the neighbor was out mowing his lawn and gathering leaves. I smelled gas but just thought he was filling his lawn mower and spilled it. So I kept raking. After a while, I went in the house and was about knocked over by the smell of gas. I left the door open hoping it would dissipate a bit. It didn’t so then we opened a bunch of windows. I thought it had toned down a bit after a few hours but I was feeling sick and I cannot imagine it was good for the baby. So we went shopping for a while thinking with all the windows open and it wasn’t as strong now, by the time we got back, it wouldn’t stink so bad.

When we got home, we walked in the door and EW! It still smelled like gasoline.

(Notice how I am using the term GASOLINE and not GAS?? Everything we could find referenced natural gas and panic and terror and get the hell out of the house right this second you idiot! But we knew that was not the problem.)

Had it just been Dan and I, I doubt I would have worried so much but the baby smelling that for hours and hours had me freaking out. The entire day we’d gone in and out just to get her in some fresh air as much as possible.

Around 9 PM and still not having the smell let up at all, even after having moved the lawn mower and gas can out of the garage and to the back yard, I was getting a little worried. More for her little brain cells and the fact that I was getting dizzy than lighting a match and the house going up in flames.

The listed numbers for fire departments don’t put you through to anyone after business hours. The gas company only cares about natural gas… so I finally called the Poison Control Center to find out how bad the fumes were for the baby. They said to call 911 and get a fire truck out there to find the source of the smell, just to be safe.

I guess I should back up… The only gasoline we have is what’s in the cars, in the lawnmower and the gas can. The cars were in the driveway. The lawnmower and gas can have been in the garage since we moved in and even though it had never happened before, we were pretty sure that’s what it was. But – why had it never happened before?

So come 10:30 at night, we have a fire truck, lights flashing and volunteer vehicles behind it sitting in front of our house. The fireman walked through with his nifty little detector – even got Dan up from his chair and out of the house for a few minutes. Of course, he found nothing and said that the he didn’t even smell gas at all. Ummm…. HUH????

Anyway, turns out with sudden change in outside temperatures the smell of the gas circulate and make my whole entire house REAK something fierce for hours and hours and hours. The lawnmower and gas can have a new home.

We left all the windows open that night and since it was a little chilly, the baby who is usually in a T-shirt of just her diaper by that time of night, had to sleep completely clothed:

So really - aside from that few minutes, it was the most boring, uneventful Thanksgiving weekend ever.

(Though Thanksgiving was really great. It was nice to be able to spend it with friends. We had a great time and had some really great food.)

Posted by Kim at 12:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Much better.

She really enjoyed it this time. It took her a few minutes to figure out what was going on but then she loved it. Yae!

Posted by Kim at 3:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I should probably post this on Thursday but I can rarely type up anything coherent with the baby around and since I'm home the rest of the week, I'm not even going to try.

This will be the first year that we don’t spend Thanksgiving with our families. In the past we have driven home in the middle of the night the night before, braved nasty blizzards the day of, whatever it took to get home for Thanksgiving dinner. When we moved to Virginia, I chose for us to fly home for Thanksgiving each year. I was fine spending Christmas alone, but not Thanksgiving (no one ever claimed I wasn’t a complete nutjob). But anyway … This year Dan decided it was Christmas. So that meant missing Thanksgiving with my family. (And missing my sister’s birthday – which I won’t even get started about. I’ve missed so much with that girl already I can’t even keep track anymore. But I’m sure this will be added to her tally.) I was pretty sad about it but I eventually came to terms with it just being us for the day. We decided to just do a small Thanksgiving dinner for the two of us and call it good. Then some friends who have also moved here from Utah invited us to do Thanksgiving with them. Of course I jumped at that idea. So yae! We won’t be alone. And yae! We’ll have a real Thanksgiving dinner. And I think it’s okay that I’m growing up and not needing to be with my family every year (as I say with a knot in my belly just thinking about it. In the words of Ben Folds, “It sucks to grow up.”)

I hate the holidays. But it’s because I love them so much and I really don’t have anyone that appreciates or cares about that. So they’re always bitter-sweet. Sure, it starts at Halloween and doesn’t end until Valentine’s Day, but Thanksgiving and Christmas are always the worst. I am a very emotionally charged person. (Really, I am. I’m not the cold-hearted devil woman most people think I am. I swear.) Two things that really pull that trigger for me are babies and Christmas. Can I tell you how screwed I am this year? Already emotional + Christmas + having a baby this year?? Emotional basketcase trifecta!

I was playing with the baby on the floor the other night listening to a lullaby radio channel. Brahms’ Lullaby came on and down came the tears. Nothing was wrong. I wasn’t sad. Itty-bitty baby, a favorite lullaby, the lullaby that happens to be on the Celine Dion Christmas CD which makes me teary every time anyway (the lullaby – not the CD), and poof! I was just filled with way too much emotion and didn’t know what to do with it. So the next day I warned my husband. Holiday + Baby = Tears. Good thing he knows I’m nuts or he’d be running for the hills about now.

Maybe it’s good I’m spending Thanksgiving away from my family this year. And swapping it for Christmas. Or maybe it’s really, really bad. I guess I won’t really know until after the fact.

So now that I’ve rambled on and on with whining and complaining – I’m hoping you caught on to the underlying message that I might be thankful for my family – since this is supposed to be the Thanksgiving post after all. (Apparently I’m lucky to get one post a week so this has to cover a lot of ground, you know!)

Things I’m so very thankful for this year (certainly not an all-inclusive list):

My husband: For putting up with me. For having so much patience with me. For loving me even when I’m crazier than ever. Also for cleaning the garage this weekend because it’s COLD now. For letting me love him.
My family: For still liking me after 31 years. For missing me when I’m not there. For always being there.
My sister: For making me laugh even when she’s not trying to make me laugh. And so much more.
My best friend: For somehow always knowing when I need her. (Seriously. It’s spooky.)
My newest friend: For getting me through the last few months of pregnancy and the first few months of motherhood. For letting me ask the very dumbest questions imaginable and always having the kindest answers.
My friends: For letting me be their friend. For being there for me and reaching out when I need them. But mostly for letting me reach out to them if I need them. I don’t have very many of them and I like to think it’s so I don’t have to spread my appreciation and adoration too thinly so each one has tons and tons! (Yeah. Shut-up.)
My mother-in-law: For being there when I went through the hardest, scariest, craziest time of my life. And still talking to me after the fact!
My daughter's day care: For making me okay with someone else taking care of her because they take such amazing care of her.
My job: Well for the money it makes me, DUH!
My dogs: For still loving me even though the only things they hear from me anymore are NO! And Go AWAY! And No! And BACK OFF! And No! And Get Outta That! For still being so stinking cute and silly even though they’re so very neglected. (But still loved, I swear)
Sleep: I’m thankful for this because it’s in such short supply these days. Funny how you appreciate something so much more once it’s GONE!
Patience: Well, I’d be thankful for this if I had it!
Studio 60: For being the best hour on television this season.
Grey’s Anatomy: For making me laugh and cry my eyes out every freaking week! Geeze!
My TiVo: For making life livable. (Or, for making me have no freaking life whatsoever because there is just too much.)
NBC: For airing Madonna’s concert tomorrow night.
Email: For letting me harass everyone I know as often as possible.
My cell phone: For letting me harass my sister for virtually free as often as possible.
Blogs: For keeping me sane all day. Particularly this one, this one and this one.

And I'm thankful for exersaucers and cheesecake and comfy chairs and (gasp!) toys that make noise & light up and my laptop and yummy steak and Foo Fighters and the Eels and my camera and movies I can play over & over & over without having to pay attention to them and the sound of rain and Audi and snowflakes and real mail (not junk mail, of course) and the holiday that lets me ramble on & on about things I love & make my life so much happier & better and baby giggles.

And of course for my health and for having a roof over my head and food on the table and a warm bed to sleep in (though I’d be a little more thankful if it included HOT water to shower in but I will make due with the barely warm water for now I guess. Geeze.).

But the Number 1 thing I am thankful for this year? Oh come on! Like you didn’t know???
My baby: Oh. My. God. I can’t even begin. Well, I could but then I would end up sobbing so I won’t.

So, yeah… Kind of an unserious list but very serious sentiment is behind it. I don’t think thanks or gratitude or appreciation or whatever you will call it should have to wait for one day a year. But I like that there is one day a year that you can offer it up, unfiltered, sappy as can be for everyone to see because hey! it’s Thanksgiving and I’m allowed expected to be thankful.

Posted by Kim at 2:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Five months and one day ago I was under the assumption that you have a baby, that baby is the coolest new thing for a while and then the newness wears off and it’s just a baby that you raise and is part of your life and blah blah blah. What planet am I from? I’m just as excited and in awe of this child as I was the second she was born. The newness hasn’t worn off - I still wanna smother her in love and eat her right up because she is so stinking cute! The emotions and the excitement and the whole experience haven’t weakened at all and I’m not really sure why that surprises me. Especially with my obsessive personality.

So many things to tell this month. She is doing so much and trying to do even more. And there is no stopping her. Which YIKES! This child is going to be mobile soon. Crap. And? I was talking with a friend about high chairs (way back when we were registering for baby things) because I hadn’t originally registered for one. Because I had PLENTY of time to worry about a high chair. That was so far off I didn’t even need to think of it. You’d think having the baby show up a month early and laughing in the face of my “I have plenty of time, I don’t need to worry” craziness, I would have learned something. No. Of course not. Because now we already need a high chair and I haven’t even thought about one! Moral of this story? Time goes too damn fast.

This past month she started being very responsive and adventurous. She started playing with toys (as much as something with no coordination, no real ability to grasp and no idea what in the world is going on can “play” with anything). She has a toy giraffe she loves to shove in her mouth. She also loves when someone is nice enough to squeak it for her. She has a little dog that is almost as big as she is that she also loves to put in her mouth (see a theme hear? Yeah – I’ll get to that). She tries so hard to hold on to it and she’ll hug it up against her and shove its nose in her mouth and try to get it as far in as she can.

She is to the point of putting everything in her mouth. I didn’t know that time came so soon but you cannot have anything near that child without her attempting to put it in her mouth already. Toys. Fingers. Remotes. Keyboards. Clothes. Tables. Scully. If she can touch it, she wants it in her mouth. It started with her fists, she’d try to fit her whole hand into her mouth and then both at once. Now she sucks on her fingers and she’s definitely found her thumb. However, she’s learned how to stop sucking on her pacifier. Her game is to spit it out at you but she’s also learned how to take it out with her hands. She tries to put it back in occasionally but always gets it backwards. So then it’s back to the fingers (or anything else she can reach).

She has started grabbing for things. She hasn’t mastered grasping yet so things mostly end up on the floor. And speaking of being on the floor – she has figured out the rolling thing. She doesn’t do it very often but she can go both ways now. Of course, she likes it better when you do it for her - back and forth and really fast - but she is completely capable of doing it for herself.

She hasn’t done it as often the past week or two but before then she found this new “thing.” This new thing she can do with her voice that makes everyone within 50 feet run for earplugs. She learned how to make this ear-piercing screech that was so loud and so high-pitched that I think I would rather listen to fingernails on a chalkboard. But it was so cute that we’d keep making her do it. It was as if it had developed as her laugh. She would do it like crazy when she was happy. I picked her up from day care one day and they’d said she started screeching and then got all of the other babies doing it too and they couldn’t get her to stop. I guess she thinks she’s pretty funny. It was the funniest, cutest noise. Until she learned she could make an angry version of it. Not so cute after that.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a really bad day and went into meltdown-mom mode. She wouldn’t sleep for me at all and it seemed it was just me. She doesn’t have a problem sleeping at day care. She hasn’t had a problem sleeping for babysitters. It’s just me. So I spent most of the day in tears because she wouldn’t sleep and she wouldn’t let me put her down. So what did I do? I went shopping. I came home with the Baby Einstein Activity Center and a Bumbo seat. She was very skeptical at first. What baby-who-must-be-held-all-the-time wouldn’t be? She has started getting used to the exersaucer and can even stand it for 15-20 minutes at a time. The Bumbo seat is one we’re still working on but it has sure saved my life! It makes it so much easier to have somewhere to put her for 5 seconds here and 15 seconds there. It is a fairly small seat but it makes her look so tiny. When she’s sitting in it on the floor, you stand above her looking down thinking, “Good Lord! She’s tiny! How could she possibly be so tiny??” It is growing on her though, she can lean over and chew (gum?) on the sides of it. I’m sure it’ll soon be her new best friend. And it puts her closer to the dogs which she loves (I’m sure they won’t soon enough).

And speaking of how tiny she is… She’s five months old and probably just over 13 pounds. She really is still very tiny (even though I swear every night she weighs a ton). But she’s been the only baby we’ve been around since we’ve had her. Last weekend we went to some friends’ house for the day and they’d just had a baby boy about a week earlier. Now HE was TINY. I walked in and saw him curled-up on his mommy and I thought, “Wow! She was never that tiny!” But she was! He was a bit over 8 pounds and she was born at just under 7 so she was but that was sooo tiny and she was never that tiny!! Really. It’s amazing how quickly you forget! He was so still and so small and so quiet and so sleepy. And then there was mine… just five months after that – a bundle of HYPER.

She is so interactive now that it’s impossible to not want to pay attention to her. She’s already trying to sit up by herself and of course I want to encourage her but of course I want to tell her to knock it off, she’s just a baby!! Yes, she’s growing up too fast and while I look forward to every new milestone and every new trick, it’s also a little heartbreaking.

Random things I’ve learned during the fifth month:

-Hair pulling hurts. Especially by itty-bitty baby fingers. Especially when she wants her fingers back and they’re stuck.
-A splashing baby in a bathtub is so very adorable.
-A screaming, flailing baby in a bathtub is not.
-Who knew how much you could get done in 5 minutes when you only have 5 minutes here and there to get anything done.
-Who knew a Bumbo seat and exersaucer could save your sanity.
-Nothing in the world is better than a baby giggle.
-Nothing in the world is more peaceful than watching a baby sleep.
-Taking pictures of your baby never gets old.
-Realizing your baby knows exactly who you are and seeing the recognition on her face melts your heart.

Posted by Kim at 1:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Really! Ask the baby!

We took the baby over to a little park area in the neighborhood to see how she would like the swings. I, being the horrible mother that I am, didn’t pack any blankets to fill in the space of the swing. In my mind it would go like this: We’d get to the park, pull her out of the stroller and she’d get fussy. Then we would try to put her in a swing and she would scream like a wild banshee until we took her out and reassured her it’s not a portal to hell and then promise to never, ever put her in it again. So who needs blankets for that, right? Sometimes I really love being wrong. Until I regret it.

We walked over to the park. Took her out of her stroller. Put her in the swing. And wait – what? She’s not crying? Holy crap! So far, so good, right?
Wait. What am I supposed to do now?? I can’t really swing her!

She sat in the little swing having absolutely no idea what was going on so she didn’t dare move. She sat there and stared at the ground and the ropes on the swings and just hung out. We didn’t really swing her because she can’t sit up by herself yet so we knew she’d flop around everywhere. So she was gliding just a little and then decided she kind of liked it.

Then she got excited and happy and started bopping around and oh crap! She can’t hold herself up! Her head falls a little back and hits the swing which scared her into a few fusses and as we are reaching for her to steady her and take her out BAM! She falls forward and hits her forehead on the front of the swing. That just sealed the deal for her. She was done. And mom was wrong which yae! baby had fun but BAD! Mom didn’t plan well. Next time - I promise to take blankets.

Posted by Kim at 2:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the very first dates Dan took me on was to see Nightmare Before Christmas. We really liked the show then and it just became part of our relationship. We made going to Disneyland a tradition at Christmastime when they redo the Haunted Mansion (until we moved across the freaking country from it!). It is part of our Christmas morning traditions. We're both big fans of Tim Burton and huge fans of Danny Elfman. But when we found out they were releasing it in 3-D, we didn't jump at it. I think it's because we've been a little pre-occupied with other things lately. (Imagine that.) We did finally decide to go see it before it left theaters and I am really glad that we did. Of course, it was the same show and seeing it in 3-D wasn't exceptionally different but it was good to get to see the movie on the big screen again.

Posted by Kim at 6:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I have a million posts written up in my head. I just can't get the motivation to get them on the internet. I do plan on it. Really. Someday. Hopefully someday soon. Until then, look at this cute little baby...

Posted by Kim at 12:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

We saw The Prestige over the weekend. And while I can say mmmm… Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale, I cannot say the movie was nearly as good as I had hoped. I thought it was pretty great and it kept me interested in “hey, how’d they do that?!” for a while. Until the top hat and cat scene. At that point, I had enough of it figured out that I wasn’t interested in the rest. I was hoping for some great, spectacular, “oh cool! I get it” explanation. Instead I got a “oh. Oh. I get it. Damn.” Very disappointing. But I’m the happy ending, fluffy, feel-good, everything turns out roses kind o’ girl. Make it sad, make it disturbing, make it real and I’m not as enchanted and this was certainly disturbing. And sad. Scarlett Johansson was really pretty though. I wasn’t sure I would like her so much in the movie because I mostly don’t, she’s just pretty to look at. But I did. I liked her character and thought she did a very good job in the role. And she was pretty to look at. And the Sarah storyline broke my heart. So sad.

Dan summed it up and worded it much better in his explanation but I can’t remember what he’d said to repeat it. In a nutshell though, I had hoped it was going to be a movie about “magic” not “science.” The illusions, the tricks, the how’d they do that’s? I know they are all tricks and illusions and all can be explained away very logically when the secrets are given but this wasn’t at all what I had hoped for or expected. And I have to be vague so I don’t spoil the ending if there’s someone out there reading who actually wants to see it. So there.

And anyone who looks past the fact that Batman and Alfred were in it and Batman’s name was Alfred and it was written and directed by the writer and director of Batman Begins… well, they just have no sense of humor whatsoever.

Posted by Kim at 11:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Halloween is a day for ghouls and ghosts and goblins and monsters and all things scary and terrifying.

Well that’s a fact. I had pure evil in the backseat of my car the whole way home last night. She definitely did not miss the memo of Halloween being the day of screams and spooks. Because she screamed and screamed and screamed and … get the picture?

If the drive were ten minutes, even twenty, that’s one thing. An hour straight of screaming? Not fun. Usually she throws her fit from daycare back to get Dan and - at the most – a few minutes after that. She’s never gone the whole time before. And the kicker – it’s like she’s trying to make it a habit. Like she has gradually worked her way up to screaming the whole way home. The past few days she had screamed longer and longer on the way and then last night was the final act.

We’re very open to suggestions here. I’m at a loss. I don’t want to have someone ride back there with her because then she will never learn to survive back there by herself. That may even be what has made it so bad. She was doing much better until she had company back there for a weekend. It was like she got used to that and expects it now. But I don’t want to let her scream the whole way either because that’s just mean. (To her as well as us.) Toys aren’t really an option because she hasn’t started taking much interest in them and even if she had, well – it’s pitch black by the time we get to take her home now anyway. She spits the pacifier out and screams harder, or just keeps screaming with the pacifier in her mouth. She simply just hates her car seat and the car. Which makes me feel bad that we live so far away that she has to endure this hour of hell every night.

Notice I said “night” in that last sentence? Yeah. Because she’s fine on the way to work in the mornings. Go figure.

Let’s just hope last night was the Halloween screaming special.

Posted by Kim at 2:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)