Lost in Place

Topic: Write a haiku about your daughter.

Man, I haven't written any kind of poetry in over a decade. Forgive me for the complete crap.

tiny sleeping babe
you steal my heart with each breath
little angel girl

Posted by Kim at 3:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

(No, not those holidays.)

After reading this post, my mother-in-law took pity on me and brought the dogs' Halloween costumes with her this weekend. (She also brought the dogs. Not just the costumes. That'd be kinda silly.) Just so I could take pictures. How thoughtful was that? She also brought sweaters and coats for them. They're not spoiled, little divas at all. Nope, not one bit.

Posted by Kim at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

1. Put gas in the car
2. Go to the post office
3. Go to the bank

I hate them. I really do. I avoid them until I cannot possibly avoid them anymore. (Though not having a bank in Virginia has made avoiding that one a whole lot easier. Though it's just been replaced by going to the ATM. Won't do it. Refuse. Hate it. No idea why.)

Last night, I was about 40 miles from the next gas station when I looked down and noticed I was about out of gas. Like less than an eighth of a tank almost. So being a stereotypical girl, I call the man.

"Am I going to make it to the gas station?"

Dan pays attention to this stuff. I really don't. Mostly because I am really bad at math so it probably wouldn't make a difference if I tried. Also because I'm just too scatterbrained to let something like that take up permanent residence in my head. And because I'm lazy.

So after driving half way home with the "you really need to get gas right now you idiot" light on, wondering how the hell I would manage running out of gas with a child, in the freezing cold dark, I think I finally accepted that I need to move on from my hatred of putting gas in the car.

This time was entirely accidental, I had plenty of gas when I went to get Madeleine, knowing I'd easily make it to the gas station on the way home. I didn't take into account that I also had to go to the post office (I know!!! Two in one day. It hurt.) and grocery shopping. I guess that takes more gas than I'd thought it would. These things aren't usually accidental though. I deliberately avoid going to the gas station until the light comes on. I've never actually run out of gas. I don't know how. This was a habit I started before I had someone else depending on me in the car. And no way am I getting stranded somewhere with a grumpy toddler. Cuz that wouldn't just send the stress levels through the roof. No thank you.

I'll still avoid the post office and banks/ATMs though.

Posted by Kim at 10:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I am a week behind. I thought I would have access to do this one while I was traveling, but I didn’t. So I am playing a bit of catch up and will have two entries for this this week. Oh well. We’re finished traveling now (hopefully) so I can stay on task.

For last week, Shane gave me the following topic:

As a working mother you have many roles to play throughout the day; Mom, Wife, Business Professional, Friend and just being yourself. Which of these roles is most important and which would you like to be most important?

My first response? Why doesn’t anyone ever ask this question of a man? Seriously? You never hear, “As a working father, how do you balance the many roles you play?” Nobody cares if the man balances well. Nobody expects him to have a stellar performance in every single role all of the time. And yet, if a woman falters in even one of hers, maybe she can’t take it. But really, not even going the comparing route, the balancing act of the man just isn’t discussed. Is he expected to just take it and run with it, never evaluate it, never judge it, never want something different, never acknowledge it? I don’t understand that. So? I’m going to do it. Turn that table, ask that question. So Shane, for this week: As a working father, with all the roles you have to play – how do you balance them all and which is most important? And a step further – which one could use the most attention?

I think that’s a question that if everyone asked of themselves, there might be a little less tension and stress in their lives. But that’s just me on my soap box. Self-evaluation is a big thing for me. Though I know it really isn’t for most people. So this question, while Shane may have thought he was throwing me a curve ball is actually a very good one for me. Because I’ve asked it of myself a number of times and I hope to never stop. It’s when I stop that things will get muddled and I’ll get completely lost.

I have this thing, and I know it doesn’t work for most people and most people will thing I’m a crazy-psycho-person (most already do, this will just cement that theory in their heads), but I believe to make a family work well long-term, it’s family, spouse, self. That’s the hierarchy of what’s important. You take care of your family, then your spouse, then with what you have left, you take care of yourself. Now before you go all “You’re an idiot, you need to take more care of your self before others,” shut up. I’m saying you work harder, not make room for neglect. But like I said, it’s my thing and I know most people aren’t that way. Not even my husband. Which makes for a very interesting relationship, I’ll tell you that. So to that point, the role of mother and wife are at the top of my “most important roles” list. And if I had to pick one to be at the very top, since Dan can take care of himself if he has to, mother would come first.

I never expected to be the mother that put her child before all else, even herself. My mom did that and I always thought she was robbing herself of so much. I am the first to admit that I am a very selfish person so to give everything I have to someone else seemed daunting at best. But it’s not like that. Mother is easily the most important role on that list for me. Followed very closely by wife, followed by friend/sister/daughter (which I admit, I am totally sucking at lately), with business professional at the end. (If I weren’t so stinking greedy, I would love for it to just fall off the list altogether for a while. Though I’d still probably replace it with student or something.)

I know that’s not the case for everyone, and it shouldn’t be. It’s just how I see it for me, what works for me. To each his own, right?

Oh? See how I left self off that list? It’s cheating. I feel like if I can balance the others the way I want them and feel successful in the way they’re handled, that I am fulfilling my obligation to myself. I don’t entirely neglect myself, I do put myself to the side a lot more than I probably should but that’s something I have been trained to do. And really, making others happy is what makes me happy. And god only knows I need a ton of therapy for that.

The problem is, I may feel successful in the ways I am handling each piece, but am I successful if the people involved feel like I am not meeting their expectations when it's entirely likely theirs are very different from mine? I guess that's the real dilemma.

Posted by Kim at 11:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Having checked the weather before I packed, seeing it was supposed to be in the low 70's, I packed warm-ish clothes. I packed only warmish clothes, But it's not low 70's. It's not mid 70's. It's 8trillion degrees instead. So all the warmish clothes? Hell. We're going to have to do way more shopping than I had wanted to do - especially on clothes.

I dropped Dan's brand new, very expensive camera. Twice.

I managed to lose the only sippy cup I brought.

The day isn't even half over.

Please let it get better...

**Updated to add: It so totally didn't. I ended up leaving the restaurant from dinner, before even being able to finish my dinner, almost in tears because my child is a demon. Who, of course, as soon as I got her back to the room, was so full of giggles she couldn't breathe. Maybe tomorrow? Please? Tomorrow will be better?

Posted by Kim at 12:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I have to admit, I’ve really been dragging my feet on this one. A year ago, I would have been all over something like this. I would have had a list with multiple examples for each (which is pretty much exactly what was asked). But. I flake. I am a loser. I am no longer what I would consider a movie buff. Not even a movie sometimes-watcher-who-longs-to-be-a-buff-or-at-least-likes-to-pretend-she’s-one. Nope. Not me. Not anymore. Let me tell you the last movie I saw. And let me tell you, the title reflects EXACTLY what I thought of the movie. That’s right, it was “Super Bad.” And boy, oh boy, was it. So bad that it scarred me so significantly that I can’t even remember what the last movie was I saw before that one. It was the first movie, in my life, (and I’ve been to a very large number of movies in my day) that I have ever truly, seriously, passionately, desperately wanted to walk out of. And no, I don’t think that makes me an old prude. Not that one.

Anyway… So now that we’ve established that I am a loser who no longer watches movies regularly (kids, man, they ruin everything!), let’s also establish that I’ve been digging through the depths of my brain trying to remember the movies I have seen so I could come up with something. And finally, let’s establish I’ve come up with nothing.

Well, okay. One thing. And it’s the only thing after days and days of trying to think of ideas and examples (and I know the second I hit “publish” a million are going to come crashing in to my mind all at once. Oh well. Such is the nature of my head.) that I can come up with. And it’s lame.

Every time someone is driving in a car and they drop something, or see something down on the floor, they have to lean over to get it and the shots are all framed stupidly from below and every. single. stinking. time. when they grab it and get back up and look at the road (after like 5 minutes of not looking at the road! Hello!! Duh!) OH NO! They HIT something. Or something is RIGHT THERE so they swerve to just miss it and end up running off the road or into something else. Drives me nuts.

Mine was lame. What are your movie cliché pet peeves? Which ones drive you right up the wall? Anything’s gotta be better than my sorry excuse for an answer… And I'm sure you all have at least seen a movie recently.

Posted by Kim at 4:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After years of whining that I never get to take a real "vacation" (sorry, going home for any amount of time is NOT a vacation. Never will be. I love yah, but seriously!), I kinda can't stay home right now. Now I'm whining I have no time to really get anything done because we're just going, going, going. Though that's the extent of the whining because my, how I love to travel. (Though I could do without the flying part of it.)

As I have briefly mentioned, we made a road trip to Nebraska last weekend. As I have yet to mention, Madeleine and I took the train to NYC the weekend before. And as I have also not yet mentioned, we are flying to Disneyland next week. All giving me plenty of blogging fodder and yet I haven't been able to find the time to do any of it with all the travel. Hopefully over the next few days I can get a bit of it up here. And I have my Project: Say Something! entry to get up for this week as well. Plus next week's needs to get written since I certainly don't plan on typing while I could be riding Splash Mountain, or eating at the Blue Bayou, or watching Fantasmic!, or shopping at the World of Disney.

So yeah... now that I've publicly promised these posts maybe that will force some accountability so I actually do them. Maybe.

Posted by Kim at 2:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Other Kim got a bug up her butt to do another shoebox swap. What lit that fire under her at Christmas time, I will never know. I think she's done lost her marbles. (Come on, it's the season of giving! Why else??)

Anyway, if you'd like to participate or want additional information, head on over to check it out.

Posted by Kim at 2:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When I travel, I typically like to bring home little mementos from the place I’ve been visiting. Not so much to remember the trip, but more to say, “yep, been there, done that.” I don’t like a lot of clutter so I try to keep things fairly small and functional. Someday, when I have a house I can actually “live” in, I will put my “travel shelf” back up and be able to display all the little things I collect.

(Yes, it’s a shelf of Vegas, Disney and NYC stuff. Zip it. I’m working on that!)

This last trip, this trip to Nebraska? I brought a different kind of souvenir home. One that I think I would have preferred to have left there (no, I’m not talking about the cow farm smell stuck in my car). It’s not really a “shopping” area, we don’t really go anywhere with memento-type stuff while we’re there. And yet, with this lovely, little reminder, I will never, ever forget this trip to Nebraska for as long as I live.

What could I possibly have brought home that is so memorable, you ask?

A child that says, “No!” To absolutely everything. Oh my lands! “No. No. No.” She started the last morning we were there and she hasn’t quit. (And she never will quit, I get that.) And she’s very emphatic about it most of the time. She means business. Sometimes she even shakes her head while saying no just to make sure there is absolutely no confusion about what she could possibly mean.

This is one souvenir I could have completely done without.

Posted by Kim at 1:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Being on the road for an entire day, baby strapped in her seat, going and going and going is not necessarily the best idea we've ever had.

We left for Nebraska last night, only driving for a couple of hours before we stopped for some sleep. But today... today was a different story. This poor. little girl just wants to get out and run around. She's done really well though. Hopefully that keeps up since we'll have a full day tomorrow too. With lots more stories to tell, I'm sure.

Posted by Kim at 10:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)