Lost in Place

Kim’s question: Here is some background to this question: I don't know if you have seen Runaway Bride, but in it, she finds that she molds herself to every guy she gets involved with. At some point she is asked what her favorite type of eggs are and she didn't know. So by the end of the movie she has tried many different types of eggs and decided on her favorite.
So, my question is, what egg types have you tried, and what is your favorite?

I have not seen Runaway Bride but, lucky for me, I knew what my favorite eggs were long before any man came along. Well, okay, except my dad. He used to eat “fried eggs” when we would have pancakes, or French toast, or waffles on the weekends. My mom would only make them for him. Every once in a great while, we could sucker her in to making a few more so we could have some. But that was rare. They were so yummy. I have, on occasion, made them myself after moving away from home. Of course, they’re just not the same. But they’re so good. So if I were picking a favorite type egg, it would be my dad’s fried eggs. Or, as I’ve heard them called, “over-medium?” No one knows what I’m talking about when I say fried so I always have to explain what I mean. But then they never tell me what the right term is so I’ll just keep describing when I order them that way.

However, as far as the type of eggs I eat most often, the kind I will order in a restaurant or make for myself – scrambled. They’re much easier to get right. And when they’re not right, they’re still edible. And with cheese??? Mmmm. Yum.

I generally like eggs. Hard-boiled, especially at Easter. It makes me cringe thinking about it, but I even like the soft-boiled, really mushy eggs. Though I don’t think I could ever do poached. The idea of that makes me much more than cringe. Kim said her answer was eggs benedict. I just couldn’t do it. Cook the eggs a bit more and I’d be all over it, I’m sure.

It’s a good thing I’d already established my egg of choice. Dan doesn’t like eggs at all. Could you imagine?? Glad I had that decision made before some man came along, this one in particular apparently.

Posted by Kim at 1:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When I was little, I was so disappointed that I couldn’t just snap my fingers to clean my room. How I longed for just a little bit of the Mary Poppins magic. To be able to just snap my fingers and make simple things happen - and quickly. The time it could save!

I have found myself, once again, longing for a little bit of that magic. I think I’m going to keep snapping in blind hope because thinking of having to clean this up every day? There’s not enough sugar in the world to make that medicine go down in any sort of delightful way.

Posted by Kim at 1:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Elmo! Elmo! Yae!!

Awww. He's so cute!

Uhhh... he moves...

Holy crap. He's possessed. What the heck were you thinking? Keep that thing away from me!!

Posted by Kim at 9:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This is the fourth Christmas we’ve been in Virginia. It’s the third time we’ve spent it here instead of going home to spend it with family. It’s the first time we’ve spent it here with a baby. It’s the first time we’ve ever done Christmas not on Christmas Day. It’s the first time I’ve just not been able to get in the Christmas spirit no matter what I do. It’s the hardest Christmas I’ve ever had. Today is one of four days of the year I would give up everything we have here in a heartbeat to live back in Utah with family. Tomorrow makes it two of four.

The crazy thing is, up until today – I didn’t care. I didn’t think it would bother me. I didn’t think it was bothering me. We did Christmas early and it was a pretty last-minute decision so there was no “night before/Christmas Eve” in there anywhere. Madeleine doesn’t get it yet so that’s really not a big deal. But realizing today is Christmas Eve and there is just nothing there, nothing anywhere, there is a hole in me. I never thought I was much of a Christmas person. I had no problem whatsoever the other two Christmases we spent out here. I actually really liked them that way. I guess having a baby now, wanting my family to be involved with her at Christmas, makes all the difference. To me, that’s all Christmas is about. Family. I don’t think I ever felt that so strongly and deeply until today. I’ve always known it, I’ve always felt that, but bringing the baby in to it and not having family there with her, that just brings it home so much more.

I’ve been having issues with the whole Christmas thing this year anyway. I know this is a big part of it just like I know there are so many others. To be so grinchy to begin with, to do Christmas not on Christmas and then to not be with my family makes it seem like it’s not Christmastime at all. Like I’m missing it. And then that it’s so sunny and almost warm outside? Seriously. Where’d Christmas go? I know it’s just me. I’ve lost Christmas. And I need to get it back. It’s just hard to do when being homesick makes you so lonely. And Christmas is the last time anyone should be lonely.

I’m not down on anything - Christmas, myself, my family, whatever. I know it’s all what I make of it. And it was a great Christmas as far as the giving and receiving and experiencing it with Madeleine – even if we couldn’t get her within 5 feet of Santa this year. I just think I need to acknowledge that it’s not quite as easy as I try to make it look. That I do care a lot more than I tend to realize or admit. And while we won’t open presents in the morning, we’ll still follow through with our other Christmas Day traditions and focus on this new family that we have. Because that’s what it’s about. Here or there. I have family around me, two people I love more than anything. While we may not have our parents or siblings here, we have the new family that we will grow with, create new traditions with and make lasting memories with. So maybe I haven’t lost the Christmas spirit entirely, I’ve just misdirected it a little.

I hope yours isn’t quite as schizophrenic as I’ve apparently made mine. I hope that even if you’re not with the ones you love, you can still let them know you’d like to be. I guess that was kind of my point here. Otherwise, I really don’t know what my point was here, y’know? Oh, yeah. To say "happy holidays." I hope you have a couple o' great ones.

Posted by Kim at 11:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Is it what I expected?

Hell to the no. And also kind of, yes.

I expected it to be hard. I expected it to be trying. I expected it to drive me kind of crazy. I expected it to be kind of fun. I expected it to change me a little bit.

I never expected it to be absolutely everything all wrapped in to one to the absolute extreme every second of every day and turn me into a completely different person. Nope. Not for a second did I expect that.

The day before Kim sent me this question, I had been thinking a lot about what I thought of being a mom now. How it was nothing like I expected it to be yet how could I have really expected it to be anything different? I had very deep and profound thoughts on the subject. None of which I remember in my drug-induced, cold-fighting stage right now. But they were good. And insightful. And you would have loved them and thought them brilliant. But they’re all gone now. Hidden under layers and layers of fog in my brain.

Did I expect it to be hard? Yes. I didn’t expect to be brought to tears during a simple dinner because she just won’t calm down and she won’t eat and she won’t sit still and she just won’t stop screaming.

I expected to have to take care of and cuddle and coddle a sick child. I never expected to be terrified over every little thing that was wrong with her. I never expected to not realize how many million things can go wrong or how serious – or not – they are and how the hell do you know the difference?

Did I expect to get to my wit’s end over simple, stupid things? You betcha. I’m not a patient person. But did I expect to feel so helpless and like such a failure over the simple, stupid things? Absolutely not. I didn’t expect the second-guessing of every little thing because, really? What am I doing and how do I know if I’m doing it right and why isn’t there something to TELL me how to handle these ridiculous situations?

Did I expect it to be fun? Yes, I did. And yet, I had no idea how much fun it would be. How satisfying it would be to just sit and watch a child be a child.

Did I expect to love every single minute of it? No. Every single minute of it is not lovable. But you know what? I do. And that, I never would have expected in a million years.

Posted by Kim at 10:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I wasn’t actually planning on doing an eighteen-month post so forgive me if it’s a bit slapdash.

So she’s huge now. But still so very tiny. 21 pounds (I only know this because she’s been to the doctor a million times lately), no idea how tall, all too curious and mobile, very independent, crazy as can be, and oh so very animated. She has more personality than I will ever know what to do with.

I have spent 32 of the last 50 days with her. There was only one point where I was ready to stop spending so much time with her and ship her back to day care. I found that the more time I spent with her, the more time I want to spend with her. That’s good and also not good at all.

She has traveled a ton in the last few months. She’s a great traveler. Even when we think she’s being unbearable, she still gets comments from strangers about how great and well-behaved she is. No idea what those people were smoking.

She sleeps so well. Her bedtime is pretty flexible but it’s rarely a fight and once she’s down, she’s down. (Unless she’s fighting teeth. Then we all hate life.) She’s definitely our child in that she doesn’t wake up earlier than the freaking sun. We love that. We appreciate that. We also love that she does it in her very own bed in her very own room now. That’s been so very awesome. I think she loves that too. Napping is not so easy though. No, they’re a big fight. And on weekends or days she’s not at day care, she’s already down to just one nap a day. Which is great when she actually takes it. She’s still afraid she’ll miss something. Napping is just not in her ideal agenda.

She loves pasta and cheese and fruit and yogurt. Still not a big meat fan and, as every other kid in the world, refuses her vegetables. She’s just started using utensils and hanging out while she feeds herself. It’s made mealtimes so much more – I don’t know, survivable? She actually insists on utensils now and will not eat with her fingers. Sure, she’ll play in her food with her fingers, but if it goes in to her mouth, it must be on a fork or spoon. Which must be in HER hand. Not yours. Don’t even think of trying to feed her. And, much to my pleasure, she is her father’s daughter and isn’t a huge fan of sugar. I’m sure that will change, but right now I love that fact that she will say no to cookies and ice cream. But the kid will down a bowl of berries before you can even know what happened to them.

She knows Nemo and Elmo and Minnie Mouse and will very excitedly point them out to you wherever you are. She loves books and has started asking us to read them to her on her own. She also loves her cell phones and will wander the house endlessly, deep in important conversation. She will make a toy out of anything. I still have pumpkins in the house from Halloween because she plays with them so much. She loves to dance and has started enjoying music. And she loves to go for walks – loves to walk. Gone are the days of being held or wanting to be held. She has too much to do and see to have you hold her back.

She has more words than we can keep track of. She knows them well and knows how to use most of them correctly. It seems every few days there is a new one. And so, more for me than for you, I’ll leave you with her 18-month vocabulary list. (Cuz really, how the heck else am I going to remember any of it?)

No
Dog
Mommy
Dada
Walk
Milk
Juice
Bottle
Water
Snow
Cheese
Waffle
Elmo
Nemo
Mouse
Bear
Pooh (the bear!)
Shoes
Book
Cute
Pretty
Wow
Movie
Banana
Nana
Baby
Ball
Blue
A, B, C, D
What’s this?
What’s that?
Whee!!
Bath
Woof!
Choo-Choo
And, boy, can she ROAR!

Posted by Kim at 2:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Day care called me at work yesterday because I had a sick kid yet again.

(Seriously – how do parents who both work and have real jobs deal with this? I cannot even imagine. So I guess this would be a good time to point out how much I love my job. Right?)

So I left early, yet again, to go pick her up and take her home. She slept the whole drive home, waking to cry or cough or get grumpy a few times. That’s how it’s been the last couple weeks. The kid’s just not getting any real, restful sleep. I got her home and in the house and she was crabby and whiney and all-around grouchy as expected. And clingy and needy and … She was a sick kid. So there was lots of cuddling and coddling the poor kid.

We have our Christmas cards hanging from our mantle. One of them has a big polar bear on it and it caught her eye in one of our many rounds around the room. Then the dog in the picture next to it caught her eye. Then, her eyes lit up, she grinned from ear to ear, starting giggling and waving frantically and yelled, “Jayshsee! Jayshsee!” And then she started waving harder and bouncing up and down in my arms. She had found her little friend, Jaysen, in the picture and she was apparently very happy about that.

I know she knows who people are and can easily recognize them. But she hasn’t really done that with anyone in pictures yet. (Well, except her dad but she’s obsessed with him anyway.) But she was so excited about seeing Jaysen in that picture that she just kept waving and giggling and grinning forever. I gave her the picture so she could pack it around for a little while since she was so fascinated with it. She held on to that thing for a good, long while. See – Christmas cards really are good for something! Especially the ones with pictures in them. (Too bad they don’t come laced with some miracle drug to cure sick, grumpy kids. But I guess it eased the pain for a few minutes so that’s something.)

(Really I just like Christmas cards. Send me Christmas cards. I need more Christmas cards.)

Posted by Kim at 2:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

(If all you want are pictures, you have to scroll through the whole thing. I gotta break up this huge post somehow....)

First, let me say, I know. I know this is way out of date and so two months ago. Deal. It should also be broken down into multiple posts. Which it would have been had I actually done it on time. But I didn't so now it's all in one big lump.

Second, you know how everyone tells you not to make eye contact with the crazies when you go to New York City? You can’t tell that to a baby. The crazy attracts the attention of the baby, which leads to eye contact, which leads to the crazies paying attention to the baby and oh dear heavens above, it just goes downhill from there. I can’t even count the number of times. But! Nothing too crazy or weird or frightening. And I would say we only ran into a few of the rude New Yorkers. Thank goodness. Most of them were very kind and helpful and friendly. (They were probably other tourists, I know*. Shutup.)

So in a nutshell – here was our trip to NYC oh … two months ago…

Friday

Madeleine and I took the train from DC to Penn Station. It was the first time we’d experienced a train ride and I’ve gotta say – for that trip, that’s the best way to do it. It was quick and painless and so much more convenient than an airport.

We met up with Kim and her family and went to see the Mythic Creatures Exhibit at the Natural History Museum. The most exciting thing we took from there was teaching Madeleine how to roar like a dinosaur. First real thing I actually, deliberately taught her in a very short period. Holy cow that was fun. And opened up the door for so many other tricks and silly things I’ve got that kid stuck on now.

I haven’t mentioned it was freezing cold and raining so I should probably include that about now. Especially since I’m sure this won’t be the last time I mention it.

Despite the freezing cold and the rain, we wandered around Times Square a bit that night and rode the Ferris Wheel in Toys R Us. She enjoyed it the first two or three times around but after about ten minutes of waiting for them to change cars, she’d had enough and just wanted to jump over the edge if it meant getting out of there a minute sooner. I kinda didn’t blame her…

This trip was the first time Madeleine wouldn’t be sleeping in her crib since she moved to it in the summer. I gave myself ulcers in the weeks leading up to this trip, terrified that I would get no sleep because she would be the devil and not cooperate and keep me up all night. She was awesome. I didn’t sleep really well because I was afraid she might roll out of the bed (she never did, not while she was sleeping anyway…) but other than that, we got some great sleep.

I was also terrified of the hotel. I had read horrible, awful, terrible, frightening reviews of this place before going. So bad that Dan begged me to please stay somewhere else. I guess when you expect the absolute worst, half a step up is still better than you expected. It really wasn’t that bad. Sure there was no TV in the Eschlers’ room and the one in my room only got 3 channels and they were all in Spanish. At the time, I swore I’d never stay in a hotel without a TV again but it was actually kind of nice. Serious hang out time for mom and baby. Though with the early nights, it was kind of hard to find something to keep us all entertained until bedtime. I only saw two cockroaches. Which, if you know me at all, you know that’s two too many and yes, each sighting was accompanied by a girlie scream but I expected so much worse. I really, really did. (Maybe someday I’ll learn to not believe everything I read on the internet. 2 is not “infested with.”) But the sheets were clean. The shower had hot water. The beds were comfortable and I didn’t at any point fear for my life. So we got by and I guess it was worth the price we paid.

Anyway… moving on…

Saturday

We had tickets to go to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island first thing Saturday morning. Following the instructions from the website that told us to be there two freaking hours early, we stood in the pouring rain for ages, with a VERY unhappy baby, who wanted to get out of the damn stroller and RUN RUN RUN around before they even opened the doors so we could pick up our tickets. They finally opened, we got our tickets, we got on the boat and we went to see the sights. The best part? I wasn’t the only one TERRIFIED of the boat (not a big fan of open water here). As we sat down on the ride over, Jessi noticed the ceiling lined with life vests and said, “See! They KNOW we’re going to sink!” She was my new best friend in that moment. So we saw the Statue of Liberty. We saw Ellis Island. We went back and walked up to Ground Zero. It was very different from the last time we were there a few years ago. No less sad though. We went from there to Canal Street which was just stinkin’ foreign to me but whatever. I’m all about the shopping and the accessories and that whole scene but the knock-offs, I just don’t get. After that was something I did get. Cupcakes. Magnolia. Yum. Madeleine would agree. She probably ate an entire cupcake herself. After that, it was off to the Empire State Building where I believe the thin air got to my daughter’s head. She was so excited and hyper and obnoxious while we were at the top. It was great. She loved it so I loved it. I quickly learned over the weekend that when she was happy, I was happy. When she was not, oh neither was I. So it was all about keeping her happy.

Sunday

Shop. Shop. Shop. We spent Sunday on Fifth Avenue. Madeleine had a ball in FAO Schwarz. Pushing baby buggies around, dancing on the big piano, seeing all the dolls (‘baby! baby! baby!”), and pulling all the stuffed animals off the shelves. Enough so that I really, really hope to get her back there again very soon. She didn’t have quite as much fun in Tiffany’s. Imagine that. So she and I sat that one out. (Just my luck.) A few other spots, then it was on to Build-A-Bear where Kim’s girls were dying to go from the moment their plane touched down two days before. Madeleine had fun running around and seeing all the things she could get into while I chased her, begging her to please stop trying to steal the hearts out of the stuffing machines.

Monday

Central Park. Great googamooga. That place is huge. And has Tea Leoni. If anything is important about this trip to NYC, if I remember anything for the rest of my life, it will be that Tea Leoni was in Central Park the same day I was. The only thing cooler than that woulda been if her husband had been with her. Mmmmm…. That woulda been cooooooool. Oh yeah…. I’m telling a story here… Sorry. So we were at Central Park for a good chunk of the day. We saw Strawberry Fields, the castle, part of the Shakespeare Garden, rode the carrousel, had hot dogs, saw the Bethesda fountain, went through the zoo (which, apparently, if you’re 1, polar bears and dogs – same thing. And monkeys? Also dogs. But exciting, needing major emphasis dogs. Watching her makes even the most mundane, boring things so much more exciting.) and the children’s zoo and who even knows what else. Like I said, that place is huge. And I don’t think we even covered a quarter of it. And then I ditched the rest of the group as they headed to Serendipity so I could meet Chris who would kindly take me to the yummiest Mexican restaurant for lunch and then the train station so I could head home.

Overall, it was a great trip. We had a lot of fun and I never would have imagined I could have nearly as much fun hanging out with a one-year old as I did. We went to breakfast together every morning, played ourselves silly in bed at night and she really did great being thrown completely out of her comfort zone and routine. It was also fun getting to experience NYC with girl-friends this time around. (Don’t get me wrong, the other trips with the guy-friends are just as awesome but they don’t like to shop!!)

There. One vacation down. Two to go.

*Not really. Lots of them were locals. Really.

Posted by Kim at 3:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I admit, the lateness of this one is not because I was lazy. No, it was because I was deliberately avoiding it.

Kim posed the question, "If you knew could you try anything and not fail (and money was no object), what dream would you attempt?"

I hate this question. At least she so kindly left off the part, "Well then what's stopping you from doing it, you slacker, pansy-ass?" I hate that part the most.

But that's really how this question always makes me feel. Like I'm cheating myself out of a fulfilled life because I'm not living my "ultimate dream."

I guess I could just place the blame on the money part. Sure. That's what I'll do. "Because I can't afford it."

Which, sadly, this time around is true. While my answer to this question changes every time it's asked and I never commit to anything ever anyway, this time around, I would say the answer is to be able to stay at home and successfully raise my kid(s). Now see, I can use the money excuse. But I can also say that I would so totally suck at raising kids all by myself. The things they would learn? Or rather, wouldn't? Yeah, I can't even imagine. So, yeah, if I knew I wouldn't fail miserably, I'd do that.

Next time I'm asked, I'll answer with, "write a symphony." Or a novel. Be an actress. Finish freaking school. Be an astronaut. Make up my mind. (See, now I'm just being a smart-ass.)

Posted by Kim at 3:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We did family pictures over the weekend.

Disaster. For so many reasons.

But at least she looked cute. Even if that bracelet was the source of many a meltdown. (Hers as well as mine.)

Posted by Kim at 3:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)