Lost in Place

It's face painting season again. My sister came down and we took the kids to Draper Days for a little fun in the sun. Except it was so blasted hot, we didn't last very long at all.

We went back to the house and let the kids play in the kiddie pools and sprinklers.

We had a little barbeque, hung out for a while then we were off again to the fireworks. The kids loved that part - even though the adults were very antsy and annoyed that the show started a half an hour late.

Saturday was full of fun and then Sunday we were supposed to head out to the race track to hang out with family and watch Dan race. But instead, we made a trip to the Primary Children's Emergency Room.

Long story short - Elena was sick but was not really showing any symptoms of anything except a couple of nasty diapers (she's also teething which, yeah, leads to NOT COOL diapers). Apparently it was a bug nasty enough to dehydrate her. Severely. Without her showing any symptoms of dehydration at all until she just wouldn't really wake up on Sunday. I was sure to keep her full of water while we were out and about on Saturday, made sure she was slathered in sunscreen, kept her in the shade, everything you're supposed to do. I can do all the rationalizing and justifying and backtracking and feeling guilty I want (trust me, there's been TONS of it), but the doctors all assured me there was no way I could have known or nothing I could have done. Still doesn't make the guilt and the "I should have known!" go away.

(I should point out since I am always talking crap about how evil and what a demon Madeleine is - she was stuck in the ER with us since Dan was gone. She did amazing. She was an absolute angel and so well behaved. I never had to get after her for a thing and the ONLY time I teared up in all the chaos and uncertainty and pinning down of my screaming baby and whatnot, was when I thanked her for being SUCH a big, good girl. I cannot even imagine how scary and boring that had to have been for her. She ROCKS!)

After 4 attempts at an IV, they finally got one in - in her sucking thumb! They took x-rays of her belly. They ran a huge number of tests and they all came back normal which is not typical in someone who is dehydrated. They gave her a full bag of fluid to which she didn't respond which is not typical of a child who is just dehydrated. They decided to admit her for observation and more fluids for the night. Given she doesn't know she has two thumbs, it was a LONG night.

The next day she was much better. She had life back in her, pink in her cheeks, she was smiling and babbling and giggling and wanting to run all over the place. So much so that she was bouncing off the walls when I finally got her home.

And she was so very excited to have her sucking thumb back!

See:

Posted by Kim at 2:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It's amazing how many pictures you don't take when you have a squirmy, grabby baby in your lap. Not one picture of fireworks this year. And given the fantastic show we saw, that's a little sad.

My work gave its employees tickets to the Stadium of Fire as our "summer party" this year. We went for the fireworks (not so much a country music fan). Madeleine was so excited for the 4th of July, she talked about it and asked about the fireworks the whole week. Five minutes into the show, she fell fast asleep. No idea how anyone could sleep through that, it was pretty noisy, but she did. So she missed all the performances but luckily did wake up about 5 minutes before the fireworks. I cannot imagine the disappointment and heartbreak that kid would have had if she'd missed the fireworks. (She talked about the fireworks and how they go "BOOM!" until Septermber last year. The kid is a fireworks NUT!)

I was a little worried about the baby's reaction - she hates loud noises and can't even stand the vacuum, let alone gigantic explosions going off in her ears. They set off a couple at the beginning of the show with the jet flyby and she didn't even flinch. However, what she did at the music was not at all expected. The kid is crazy. She flailed her arms, squealed like a madwoman and totally jammed out to the music. She had a blast and was absolute entertainment for anyone who was sitting around us. She boogied the entire show and when the fireworks came, she chilled out, cuddled up, stuck her thumb in her mouth and kept throwing my hands off her ears so she could hear the deafening boom of each and every one.

I love my no-fear kids.

Sunday was an absolute lazy day. Madeleine ended up making a day care for all her very well-dressed stuffed animals in the living room. She gave each of them one of Elena's 9-12 month dresses that I had dug out to put in her closet. She made each of them a "cot" out of her blankets and had them all take naps.

She gathered them all together for story time and read them stories.

She also got very annoyed with her sister when she interrupted art time and decided that if she wanted to be part of art time, she'd be the canvas. That was awesome.

On Monday we took them to the aquarium here. Nothing compared to the Baltimore aquarium that we're used to, but this is Utah, we weren't expecting much given how very landlocked and DESERT we are. But it wasn't bad. A little better than we expected even. The girls had a great time. Madeleine was very excited to see all the fish (and really wanted to catch one on a "catchy-thing" (her term for fishing pole) and eat them for dinner. I have no idea where that came from - she's been fishing once, has never eaten them for dinner and has certainly never caught one and then eaten it for dinner. Nor has she ever been with anyone who has. But she was very adamant about it.). She was interested in petting the stingrays until it took too long to get her close enough to one that she could actually reach it. I'm not sure if she got bored of waiting or if maybe she had time to get a little weirded out. I am kind of thinking it was the former since she was very fine with petting the snake they had out just a few minutes later. Go her!

Elena, of course, wanted to touch anything and everything and tried to fling herself in to the stingray pool because hey - there's WATER in there!

Like I said, I love my no-fear kids.

*Some people complain that Utah didn't celebrate the 4th ON the 4th. I say three days of fireworks??? ROCK ON!!!!!!!

Posted by Kim at 2:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I accidentally, indirectly created a monster. Most people's children beg to watch cartoons - or some version of kid shows. Dora, Yo Gabba Gabba, Thomas, Backyardigans, you know *kid* shows. (I have only had exposure to one of those shows, by the way. As you're about to see, my kid's a bit of a freak.) Not my kid. No. She comes downstairs on a Saturday morning and when I say, "Hi! Do you want to watch cartoons?" She responds, "No. I want to watch Doctor Who."

No, I'm not kidding.

She walks around the house as a Dalek, repeating, "Exterminate. Exterminate." Or as a Cyberman (which she has her own name for that of course I can't remember right now) saying, "Delete. Delete." She gets so excited any time Mickey is in an episode and she knows the seasons by which companion it is - Rose Tyler ("with the yellow hair" or "the purple jacket" depending on the day), Martha, or Donna. Or, as she's been asking for lately, "the one with all of them, with everybody." She follows the stories, she knows the bad guys. She doesn't like the Ood, they freak her out (truth be told, they kinda freak me out too). She knows which episodes are kind of boring and the ones that are exciting and full of adventure. She knows how to ask for specific episodes by what happens in them and who the bad guys are. She gets very concerned for the Doctor every time he ends up losing a companion and being on his own for a bit. It breaks her heart that "he's all alone, he doesn't have a best friend." (She has this thing about best friends. She has to have one. When she is mad at you, she is no longer yours. It devastates her when someone isn't hers. So she is very empathetic with the best friend thing. So when she gets sad that The Doctor doesn't have one, it really is kind of sad.)

Oddly enough, it's not Doctor specific either. I thought she would just stick with the Doctor she knows (the David Tennant one - and who could blame her if that was the case??? He's the best, of course!). No, she'll watch the first one with Christopher Eccleston or the new one with Matt Smith. She doesn't care. It seems she actually does enjoy the stories of it. No, they're not the most kid-friendly stories but somehow they feed her imagination like the kid shows apparently don't.

I could tell these stories all day but the best one, by far, happened last night. The three-year old put a sheet on her head - like a veil - and said, "You be Doctor Who. I'll be Donna in a wedding dress." She turned her back to me and then turned her head and said, "You say, 'What?!?'" So I played the part of her Doctor and said, "What?!? What?!?" And she, channeling Catherine Tate, with the same expression and tone of Donna, turned to me and said, "What in the hell is this place??!" (It's a scene in the second season finale and third season premiere.)

No, I'm not kidding.

First - I have no idea where that came from. She hasn't seen that scene in ages. Second - she obviously pays attention for real as opposed to just watching images on a screen. Third - the good mom would have stopped her right there and explained that we don't talk like that, that's a bad word and we don't use it ever ever ever. Is that what I did? Oh hell no. I busted out laughing and told her how freaking adorable she is. Maybe not the best parenting move. But she had no idea. I felt there was no reason to correct or punish her. (After a while, so she didn't think she was in trouble for doing it, I did talk to her about it like a good mom would have done in the first place.) It was one of those unexpected times that there was no way to know or to plan for it but that you wish you would have had a video camera somewhere.

So, in a nutshell? My child is obsessed with Doctor Who. And my husband hates me for it.

Posted by Kim at 1:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Just as I was reaching for Miss Monster, as she was jumping on her bed to throw herself flat on her belly, telling her, "we don't do that because ('we can get really hurt' was how the sentence was *supposed* to end)...," she landed smack on her headboard with her cheekbone.

Lots of screams and tears and ice later, she woke up from being completely asleep on my lap mumbling something completely unintelligible. All I could understand was "mirror" - which indicated to me she wanted to go look at her face in the mirror. After confirming that's what she was asking for, we headed to the mirror. Maybe not the best idea since it was very swollen and purple, but she's weird like that. She took a look, shrugged her shoulders and headed for bed. Once under the covers and on her ice pack, she recounted the story to me a couple of times and seemed to understand jumping on the bed was dangerous. As she drifted off to sleep, I thought to myself...

I give her a week before she's back to jumping again.

Kids.

Posted by Kim at 5:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I have been so bad at keeping up with the changes Madeleine has gone through over the past - oh I don't know TWO YEARS. And when I say "bad at it," I mean NOT doing it. There are so many things I have forgotten and know I will forget that I wish I would have documented somewhere. I think the last time I did any sort of official update or storytelling about her here was when she was just really starting to talk. Now she never shuts up and oh the things that kid comes up with! The stories are endless, the sass is unbelievable, the made up absolutely impossible can be unnerving and the pure innocence and sweetness is heart-melting. Every few weeks I take a step back and realize how much she is growing and changing and learning, and in truth, there is something new every day that I hadn't noticed or wasn't there the day before.

I'll be honest, there are days she's not an easy child (but, really, what "child" is?). She is so strong-willed and independent and stubborn and well, kind of spoiled. But she's also so caring and compassionate and sweet and kind and friendly and it blows my mind because I'm not really sure where she gets that. It breaks my heart to think that someday I am going to have to teach her to not be so friendly and fearless and trusting. That part is just not fair.

She's always talking about growing up and getting big and how she's a big girl, but a little big girl. And she's right, she's growing up so fast and getting so big (really, she still wants to be held and carried - she's not so little anymore). She understands and knows things that I never knew a 3-year old would actually get. She's clever and can be witty and funny and it's just obvious there is a little "person" in there - real logic and rationale masked behind a little kid.

We do go the rounds and she asks, "Mommy, are you mad?" and "Mommy, are you mad at me?" And really, how can you stay mad at that? Other times she cries at you and tells you, "Mommy, you made me mad!" or "Mommy, you made me sad/cry." At which point you really want to say, "Oh yeah? Well you deserve it because after what you did and that's how *I* feel!" But instead you tell her you're very sorry, as your heart breaks for upsetting a tiny little kid regardless of what's she'd done to make you mad in the first place. And she calms down and tells you, "Mommy, I want to listen now" and "Mommy, I want to be nice now." And after the scuffle, she's the sweetest, happiest, nicest little girl again. Until the next one...

And I'll keep taking them because all the bad that may come is nothing when compared to the giggles and "huggies" and kisses and squeals and help and happy that this little big girl is.

* The first photo was taken in March 2008, the second in March of this year. Yes, it is the same dress/shirt. See. I told you. She is just growing up too fast.

Posted by Kim at 9:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Friday night we dyed some Easter eggs. We didn't get started until about 9 so it was a quick process and left out some of the fun and cute that it could have been. Which, for her, was just fine, she had a ball just dumping the eggs in the colors.

As soon as they were finished, she wanted to know, "When can I eat them?! Can I eat them now, Mommy?"

Saturday morning, we woke up (way too) early and made cookies to take to the Easter Egg Hunt at my sister's house. They turned out okay and I learned what I would do differently for next time. I also made lemon bars, or lemon blobs as I ended up calling them. The crust just went mleh and wouldn't hold together so they weren't exactly "bar" shaped.

My sister is a genius and does an Easter egg hunt in their backyard. It beats fighting crowds at community egg hunts and it's a bit more personalized, NOT at too freaking early in the morning and it's with family. And it's absolutely adorable watching the little kids running around, shouting in excitement over all the candy and eggs they find.

Miss Monster collected so much crap candy that she could "barely lift" (wimp - hehehehe - even she was amazed at how much she put in there) her bucket. All of the kids came away with buckets as full. It was kind of crazy.

Her cousin got this cute little dress for Easter and turns out, huh, Madeleine had the same one. So they were twinners all day. Of course, this picture has nothing to do with Easter but all to do with cuteness. They're such good buddies (most of the time).

Some little baby was not very happy that she didn't get to participate in all the sugar-gathering fun.

At some point, really late Saturday night, the Easter Bunny snuck in and left a trail of candy-filled eggs from the girls' bedrooms to their Easter loot in the family room. Sure enough, first thing when Madeleine woke up that morning, "MOMMY!!!!! The Easter Bunny was here!!! MOMMY!!!" And the screaming kept going as she followed the eggs down the stairs, through the kitchen, down some more stairs and over to her stuff. At which point, she came all the way back up screaming some more about all the stuff the Easter Bunny brought her. (Really - who knew the Easter Bunny was way cooler than Santa Claus??) And, yes, it was while all of us were still completely asleep and enjoying it!

Let me just say this: I learned a very valuable lesson this Easter. No, this is not "us" spoiling our kids rotten. They are spoiled, that's for sure. But I held on to everything we had been given for them for Easter from all the grandparents and everybody and put it all out at once. Next year, no way, I'll give them their stuff as we get it and Easter morning, they only get what the Easter Bunny leaves them. That was way too much for two little girls on Easter morning. That's was way too much for Mom to deal with on Easter morning. But they had a blast. Even Miss E who couldn't partake of the candy side of the festivities.

Good thing the Easter Bunny is thoughtful enough to fill her eggs with Puffs!

Posted by Kim at 3:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Remember when you had cooties? Remember when I would kick and scream and BEG mom to NOT make me take you with me places? Remember when I would pick on you relentlessly and be so mean and treat you like you were the biggest nuisance/inconvenience/twerp in all the world? Remember the golf tees? I am so sorry for all that. I was an awful big sister.

Watching Elena and Madeleine lately has given me a completely new perspective on siblings - specifically sisters. Sure, right now Madeleine thinks Elena is pretty cool and can't wait to share her things with her- her toys, her food, her clothes, her stories. But being a big sister, I know that's temporary. I look at Elena and the way she looks at Madeleine and she's only 6 months old but you can see the adoration in her eyes. You can see how much she already looks up to her big sister and thinks she's the coolest thing ever. That's not going to change nearly as quickly and her heart is going to be broken when Madeleine doesn't want her tagging along with her everywhere or doesn't want to share everything she has with her anymore.

We had some pictures taken a few weeks ago and we could not get Elena to look at the camera because she was too busy watching and smiling at Madeleine. Every chance she gets, she's watching her sister, laughing, giggling, reaching out for her. Madeleine can get her to laugh and squeal and giggle and calm down easier than anyone else. It's the most adorable thing I could have ever imagined. And yet it throws the reality of sisterhood in my face.

I hope in twenty-some years Madeleine can make this realization and tell her sister how absolutely damn cool she is and that she could never ask for a better sister and she's so glad they've grown up to be such amazing and close friends.

So thanks, sister, for putting up with me and not hating me for being the big sister that big sisters just sometimes are.

Posted by Kim at 12:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

We were having a conversation at work the other day about how time seems to go by so much more quickly as you get older. And then even more quickly once you have kids. And even more quickly with each kid you have. I wouldn't disagree. WHERE did 2009 go? Oh right, I was pregnant and miserable the first half and then in new baby stupor the second half.... So trying to pin anything down at all is a little difficult and yet, I will try.

The 5 biggest events of 2009 for us were - well, wow, this was a really crazy year. Dan's company went crazy and a portion spun off to make a new company giving him an entirely different job. I got a new job after being lucky enough to have 5 months with Madeleine. We moved in to our own place after having been with friends and family for - what some days felt like forever. And, yes, I'm going chronologically and not by importance because of course the best part is having the little monster baby. ()Who totally rocks, by the way.) And the fifth biggest event? We survived. Intact. All still breathing, all still together, all still happy. And looking forward to yet another year. With just a little hope that this year is definitively better than the last two.

There are a few things I am looking forward to this year. While we have no grand plans, no big dreams or life-altering events in the works, there are a few small things that will be nice to see take place. We'll be moving again and oddly enough, yes, I am excited about that. I just wish it were an easy decision as to where. (Yes, it's still in Utah, we're not going anywhere.) I'm looking exceptionally forward to being able to put the baby down and let her do her own thing so I can get things done on occasion. But I am by no means going to rush that. (I often tell myself when she won't stop screaming or won't sleep or won't let me put her down that it will all be gone too soon so enjoy it, funny the difference that makes.) I also look forward to her sleeping schedule getting a little better so maybe I can get a little more sleep. And on that note, the other one's too. Maybe. That could just be a pipe dream. This is also the last year Miss M will be in day care full time. Crazy. And cool. But mostly crazy. I guess, mostly, I'm just looking really forward to moving. Yeah, that's the biggest.

I am not one for resolutions but there are a few things I would like to see myself do this year - a few random goals I guess. I really want to regain control of me and who I am. I feel like I've lost that. The goal really is figuring out how to do that so that I can. Debt reduction, of course. That's the biggest. By no means will one year give us a big stride, but baby steps is all I'm asking. I need to get out more. I have too much anxiety and fear to leave the house anymore and making friends is next to impossible but I have realized that is something that really does matter to me. So my goal is to stop making excuses and just go do it. I'd love to say "blog more" but we all know that would be setting myself up for failure. So instead, I'll make it a bit more broad and say write things down more. And take more pictures. Poor Elena isn't going to have any proof she existed. I need to work on that. Huh, I guess these are resolutions. I just needed to force myself to sit down and think it out.

And since an all text post from me is just pointless when I know most people who read this site anymore just want to see pictures of the stinkin' kids.....

This is how we brought the year in... December 31, 2008 Madeleine fell asleep at 11:55 PM, missed it by minutes:

And this is how it went out... Madeleine so excited, screaming the countdown with her cousins and awake for another hour and a half afterward:

And instead, this time, it was her sister who fell asleep at 11:55 PM after refusing for hours and hours and hours to only last 10 minutes and wake back up ready for more. And, of course, I got distracted on my way to take the picture and so didn't so there aren't any of her first New Year's Eve party. See. I suck. She does exist, I swear.

And this is how my demon-monster-angel-babies spent New Year's Day:

In their jammies. All of us, all day. What better way to bring in a new year than being completely lazy, watching movies and hanging out having a great day!

Posted by Kim at 5:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm not even going to call it an update because I kind of suck. I took next to NO pictures during the month of November and I paid very little attention to remember anything of note. Hmmm... maybe if I would post more often that wouldn't be an issue. Go figure.

But there are some big things about this month. Like, how on the first day of this month I got really, really brave and put her to bed in her own bed in her own room thinking it was useless. Turns out it totally wasn't. How cool is that? She's been in her own room, in her own bed all month. And it's usually fairly easy. It's been crazy. As in CRAZY COOL! Sure, I still end up in there with her and she's not sleeping through the night yet but I have my room and my nights back! Well, mostly. There is that sister of hers...

She's very attentive and has to be looking around all the time. She's not too thrilled about sitting still and doesn't really like you to sit down while you hold her. So that's fun. There's just too much to see in her world I guess. She still smiles all the time and has started to giggle hysterically at times. It's a riot to play with her. Diaper changes and clothes changes that should take only 1 or 2 minutes take at least 10 because she's too much fun to play with. And forget about hurrying to get ready in the mornings if she's awake. She should not be so cute and happy and fun to play with. Really. It would sure save me a whole lot of time.

I've been a lot more daring to venture out with this one. She has a lot more pleasant and mellow a temperament than Madeleine did so my anxiety is a little lessened this time around. Though the idea of taking them both somewhere - alone - still sends me into a panic. And yet I braved Disney on Ice with the two of them to go with my sister and her daughter. They were both surprisingly well behaved. I guess I don't really mind taking them out to things like that, it's the idea of shopping that makes me want to poke my eyes out. Shopping has become a thing of the past. Seriously - I haven't been grocery shopping since my mother-in-law was here. It's pathetic. But other things - like Disney on Ice, the occasional movie, activity-type things, are actually quite enjoyable with the two of them. But tasks. Oh, tasks. I'll pass.

Obviously she had her first Thanksgiving this year but really, can you count it as the "first Thanksgiving" if they can't even eat anything? She spent most of the long weekend crying and not sleeping. Maybe she really likes her routines and what she's familiar and comfortable with. She really did like hanging out with my dad in his big comfy chair though. She'd get situated just right and pass right out. Just in time for her to have to be moved for some reason which would wake her up and piss her off all over again.

I think the saddest part about this month has been that I have had to start seriously supplementing with formula for her. That's been really hard. I beat myself up for a really long time and tried so hard to put it off but then it just became not an option any longer. And, of course, she's still tiny but I swear she is gaining weight much more quickly now that she's actually get some actual food in to her on a regular basis. I'm still breastfeeding when I am with her but I have accepted the fact that I cannot supply nearly enough for her demand. It's extremely frustrating, sad and defeating for me.

She and Madeleine are already awesome buddies. The only time Elena takes steps is when she's going toward Madeleine, otherwise she's content just standing around. And she grins and jabbers to her big sister like she's the coolest thing on earth. And I KNOW that's not going to last so I will eat that up for as long as I possibly can. Well, that part of it may last but the big sister LETTING the little sister do it is another story. (Yeah, I'm a big sister. I know all about that.) I have started having some issues with Madeleine and the "new baby" that I really had expected to see at the beginning that would go away over time. It seems for us though they had to build up. She'll try to push her away from me, or take her off my lap or try to do mean things (thank heavens I've always caught her and they haven't been TOO mean so far). But we've been having all sorts of issues with Madeleine lately. Which breaks my heart. She used to be such a GOOD little girl, so happy and friendly and sweet. Now she's just mean. And can throw a fit like you wouldn't believe. And does! I'm trying really hard to give her some of her very own attention every day but I'm not the greatest mom (some days I wouldn't even say I'm a good mom) and I still get so frustrated and impatient with her, yelling at her and snapping at her and just getting plain angry. It's hard to be patient and consistent when she's throwing such a fit and I've got the baby crying in one arm while trying to deal with the screaming, unreasonable, flailing demon she too often is anymore. I was terrified of the first year with the baby because of the baby, not because of the other child. I had no idea it would be THIS hard. But at the same time, when they're both smiling and we're laughing and playing and being silly, I had no idea it could be THIS rewarding and simply awesome.

Posted by Kim at 5:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Have I mentioned how much I absolutely love this baby?

I slacked for too long and have forgotten most of the things I had wanted to include in this update. It'll be heavy on the pictures.

She started day care this month. She loves it. They love her. I love that they've somehow helped in creating this angel of a child that has replaced the little monster who couldn't be put down without screaming. She is such a happy baby now. Day care has a bouncy seat that moves with her movements, as opposed to the vibrating seats we've had. She loves it. I had decided we needed to just give in and get her one. In some crazy twist of luck, a friend of mine was getting rid of all her baby stuff and happened to have two of the bouncy seats (among many other useful things). I grabbed those right up and life hasn't been the same since. She loves them. She kicks and sets off the lights and music and grins as big as can be, so very proud of herself. It's adorable.

Another part of creating this happy little thing is the fact that she's found her thumb. She can quiet herself down on occasion and that just rocks. I'm not sure how I feel about the thumb-sucking. Sure, it's really stinking cute and serves a great purpose right now but when she's 3 and still sucking her thumb, I don't think it'll be quite as cute. In other words, I'm terrified of how to get her to stop when the time comes.

She had her first Halloween. Madeleine ate Halloween up this year. It was the first year she really "got it" and boy, did she GET IT. She was so excited for it, talked about it for weeks. They did all sorts of Halloween related activities and projects and school and the kid just couldn't get enough of it. She was excited to be Tinkerbell but only after I showed her the costume (I had already bought). She kept talking about being a witch and wanting to be a scary witch. It sounds like the time of me getting to choose what she is is just about up. Hmph.

A side story on that: She kept asking me what I was going to dress up as so one night I told her I would dress up as a bad mom. That stuck in her head for weeks. She was playing with her cousins one day and I was unaware of the conversation they were having at the time but they asked her what she was going to be, she told them, they asked what her mom was going to be, this was when I heard Madeleine mutter something but since I hadn't been paying attention, it meant nothing to me. Then she came up to me and said something else and I wasn't sure what it was she was saying. One of her cousins said, "What are you going to be for Halloween?" I laughed because I then realized what it was Madeleine had said, so I said, "A bad mom." And Madeleine turned around with the biggest nanner-nanner look on her face and said, "SEE! I TOLD YOU!" It was hilarious and adorable. Needless to say, after this Halloween's costume fiasco, I will be dressing up for that kid next year.

The month came and went and was fairly uneventful. We're getting into a bit of a routine, a small bit of a schedule. I still feel like we're drowning in stuff though. Since I have no real time to clean and nowhere to put anything anyway, things end up everywhere since there are two tiny kids with way too much stuff living in a very small space. So once I can get the space we do have cleaned up and un-cluttered, I think life will be great. The girls are awesome, the baby just blows my mind with her complete cuteness and insane smiles. While the three-year old tantrums are nothing I look forward to every day (and we have at least one every day), they're made up for with the adorableness and sweetness she exudes during her good moments.

Posted by Kim at 4:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

About a month ago, my brother got married down in Moab. A few of weeks before the wedding, he text messaged me and asked if Madeleine would want to be a flower girl. I responded that if he really wanted a demonic 3-year old who doesn't know how to listen in his wedding, I'm sure she'd love it, but I'd take no responsibility for her demon-ness. Which I wasn't at all worried about, she's an angel for everyone in the world BUT her mother.

We set out on a mission to find a black and white dress. Black and white. The most simple, common color combination IN THE WORLD. Except during September apparently. I looked everywhere, I didn't want something so fancy she couldn't wear it again, I didn't want to spend a fortune, and I didn't want it solid half and half (the top black and the bottom white, or vice versa) - those are boring. After checking every store possible and finding nothing that fit the bill, I hit the internet. Of course. I found a few dresses that met all of my expectations. And none of them were available in the size I needed. So I ordered a size up in the only dress that had one available and figured she could just wear a sweater over it. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a dressy-ish black sweater in September? Harder than finding a black and white dress, I'll tell you!

Turns out, the dress worked perfectly. It was a touch big, but not noticeably. She was so excited to get to be a flower girl in her "fancy dress." We talked endlessly about the job of a flower girl, "drop flowers down a walk way and LISTEN. Listen to what you're told. Do what you're told. Oh - and drop some flowers as you walk down between people. BUT LISTEN!!!" I tried to set her up with some expectation of what she would be doing and she got it pretty well. I was just afraid she'd see all the strange people and freak out a bit. Not at all. She ate it up. I should have figured that. Little diva.

The bride's niece was the other flower girl and they hit it off instantly. All the little kids ran around playing with the flowers and baskets after the ceremony. It was my kid that went around and picked up every flower petal that they dropped. Every single one. That was when they all realized it could be a game, put em in, throw em out. All night long. So it worked out well. She got to wear her fancy dress, throw some flowers on the ground and best of all - she listened to what she was told. Yeah, I'm a little crazy about that...

On a side note, the wedding was wonderful and the reception was perfect. They did a really great job putting everything together. It was outside and the weather was perfect for an evening wedding, perfect time of year. And in all of it, we got an awesome new sister-in-law whom we all adore and look very forward to having in our family. Congratulations Chad and BJ - we love you!!!

Posted by Kim at 1:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A monthly update on just one child is a bit more difficult than I had expected. So at the risk of throwing the universe out of alignment, I'm going to change things up a bit. Conveniently for me, (you know she planned it this way) the itty bitty baby chose to be born on the first of the month. So I'll keep doing the "monthly updates" but they will be for the actual month and for both kids, if not the whole family.

The second month, September, was a bit easier than the first. I could finally put her down on occasion without the screaming. She sleeps big chunks of the night - sometimes - and someday she'll do it in her own room! She's at 9 lbs, 8 oz. but seems so much bigger. I spent the month working from home with her, going in to the office for a bit here and there. I would take her in with me, put her in her sling and wear her at my desk and around the office. It worked out very well. She would sleep and I would feel like I was being productive. Everyone in the office thought it was absolutely adorable that she would just curl up and snore-hum while I worked. She was the novelty of the month. Working while at home was not quite as easy. I didn't leave her in the sling so she didn't do a whole lot of sleeping since she would only sleep while held. But I mastered the art of balancing her on my lap, in my arm or on a pillow on my lap while I worked. I also found a new addiction while I was working at home. Our house is so quiet that I would turn the TV on for background noise. My family is always watching NCIS while I am there and there were a few marathons on while I was at home so I'd turn it to that station - turns out it's not so bad. Needless to say, I'm now an NCIS junkie.

Madeleine was still going to day care those days (hey, if we have to pay for it, she's going!), so it was just the two of us. It was nice. But I was excited to get back to work so that the real world would have some consistency and routine. I loved the time I had at home with her. I could do it for real if that's what was going to be our lives but given that I knew it was temporary and work was back and forth with having to go in at random times, it kind of took its toll. So at the end of the month, I went back to work for real and her Nana came to visit for a couple of weeks to watch her before we put her in day care.

It was amazing how fast the time went. The four weeks of maternity leave flew by in the blink of an eye and then, in one breath, it was like September was over and it had been eight weeks and life had to start again. While it was a little chaotic and annoying running up and down the mountain at random times, it was a nice transition back into the real world. And like I mentioned earlier, the month was easier. She mellowed out a bit and we got the knack of things a little more. Like a semi-predictable feeding and eating schedule, the best way to hold her, how to play with her, how to survive through the night when neither one of us sleeps, how to help the big one get dressed while the little one is eating or being held those kinds of things.

We also discovered a solution to the ear-plugging Madeleine tries to do to drown out her screaming baby sister. In the car, anyway. Our car DVD player came with headphones (she calls them her speakers), so Dan dragged them out and gave them to Madeleine. Now, every time we get in the car, Miss Monster "demands" her speakers be on her head. Hey, it works. One screaming kid is bad enough. Now we just need to figure out a fix for when we're in the house.

I had expected a little more drama from Madeleine in the beginning. It didn't start until the end of this second month. When her Nana got here and started doing things for her that Mommy usually does, I think it occurred to her that Mommy was already not doing nearly as much as she used to and now even less since Nana is helping, so she's been quite the dramatic three-year old with the "I want my Mommy." It may be what I had expected but it certainly is difficult. The feelings of guilt, of frustration, of impatience, of inadequacy, it's hard to cope knowing you're indirectly disappointing your child. And the idea that I am rewarding her with my attention when she just whines and whines drives me absolutely crazy. So I've made a very intentional effort to redirect and try to focus on the positives and the happies and give lots of attention for that before she has the meltdowns. I don't want her learning that misbehaving is the only way to get attention, or the best way. Ha. Good luck, right?

This month has given us lots of firsts - with the baby and as a family. We had her first smile. Which I am putting down for the record books as the weekend we were in Vernal and she was totally flirting with her Uncle Chad. She would grin from ear to ear while he would play with her. He would walk away and she would stop. He would come back and so would the grin. I would say that's pretty deliberate and official. So that was September 12 (yes, that's more for me to be able to remember than for you to care about). And she's been smiling like a crazy person ever since. Seriously, the kid smiles ALL the time. It's adorable. Especially with the dimples.

She went to her first wedding. Stayed in her first hotel room. Took her first "trip" (that wasn't to Vernal). And went to her first National Park. All at the same time. My brother got married in Moab (more on that later - Miss Monster was a flower girl!) so we drove down for the weekend for that. Not only were some of those the first for the baby, they were firsts for Madeleine and I as well. We'd never been to Moab before, we'd never seen any of the arches or anything. That was great to do with my entire family. Madeleine loved it and I had a pretty great time as well. (Not sure about Dan, but he didn't seem completely miserable at any point.) I will post more about that in its own post but I just wanted to note that for Elena, she did pretty stinking awesome on her first trip. I don't count the trips to Vernal because those are just a fact of life, and well, she screams the whole way there every time.

That was another thing we "figured" out - if we want to travel, we have to do it during the day. When we leave for Vernal, it's usually after work on a Friday. Well - that's the time of night she's up and awake and wants interaction and to NOT be stuck in her car seat for three straight hours. So she screams and screams the whole way. We worked it out, traveled to and from Moab during the day and it worked perfectly.

The only other "first" I think is worth mentioning is that she had her first day without Mom during this month. And she was a champ. Much more so than I apparently. I did just fine Madeleine's first day of day care, I went back to work with no problem whatsoever. This time was a little harder. I don't think it helped that in dropping off Madeleine that day, she absolutely melted down and wanted her Mommy worse than ever. That was heart-wrenching given I'd just left the other one for the first time too. But it got better. Kind of. I miss both kids this time around a lot more than I would have imagined. I was always completely comfortable that I worked and Madeleine was in day care all day - she was LEARNING. But now, for some unknown reason, it's harder. I just want the day to end so I can get home to my kids. Even though once I'm home with them, I spend the entire night just trying to get them to quiet down and chill out. I guess you just can't win. That's the story of parenthood. Right?

Posted by Kim at 4:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Little Miss Monster didn't start growing "real" amounts of hair until she was about two. When we left Virginia, she had barely any hair at all. In the year we've been here, it has grown out as if she's Rapunzel's little sister.

But - given that the hair is three years old, you can imagine it's not in top shape. The fussing and screaming over the tangles just got to be too much. She was going to be a flower girl in her uncle's wedding so I figured what better time to get her very first haircut?

I picked her up from day care a little early and took her and the baby to a little salon for kids. We talked about what was going to happen, that a lady would put her in a seat, put a sheet on her and cut just a tiny bit of hair off her hair with scissors. (But that she was never, ever, ever to try to do that herself!!) She was cool with it. She's easy-going like that. We got in and the stylist let her pick her chair. Cute little pink fancy car at the front, red fire engine in the middle or black police car at the back. The pink freak went straight for the police car. (Crossing my fingers it's the only one she's ever in!)

She wasn't so sure about the drape that was put around her. She was very hesitant when the stylist came over with it. She immediately went from chatty, nosey, overly-friendly to very quiet and reserved. I don't think she said three words while she sat in that chair with the drape around her.

She sat very still and was very good for the stylist. She - oh wait - she DID talk. They let the kids pick a movie to watch while their hair gets cut and she chose The Incredibles. She spent the whole time asking what the character names were. I don't remember that because I tend to block that out since that's all she ever does when watching anything anymore. "What's his name?" "What's her name?" "What's happening?" But if her stylist - Miss Gina - asked her anything directly, she suddenly forgot how to use her voice. She would very timidly try to nod her head or whisper an answer. Very unlike her. Very cute.

So anyway - the kid had a lot of hair and was very nice while Miss Gina was cutting it. While she sat perfectly still for her hair cut, I checked out the salon. It was a really cute kid's salon. It offered a lot of hair care products for kids and bows and headbands and whatnots. It had a huge play yard in it and cute seats for the kids to sit in with TVs at each station (what better way to get a kid to hold still, right?). They do "Shirley Temple" manicures and every lady was so very friendly and happy to be there. It was great. They offered First Haircut certificates and each kid got a balloon and sucker on their way out the door.

We only had her hair trimmed so there really isn't much of a difference in the before and after - especially since it's always pulled up one way or another. But it's much easier to get a comb through it now and that is what really matters!

Posted by Kim at 3:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Ten years from now, I am sure this is about all I will ever see of my kid...
Always gabbin' on one phone or another. At least, for now, they're all fake.

Posted by Kim at 1:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Little Miss Monster turned 3 on Sunday. We went to Vernal and had a little party at the park for her on Saturday evening. Given how her last party at the park went (or didn't!), I didn't plan much, I didn't go overboard and I really didn't care nearly as much as I normally would. But why stress when she's not gonna care about anything but getting to run around the park with her cousins all night? And it's a good thing I didn't because that was all she cared about. She didn't even eat her cupcake. She opened her presents and then just wanted to PLAY PLAY PLAY. So that's what we let her do.

We did a "purple flower" theme this year to keep it simple and small. The cake and the favors looked just like the invitations. We had grape koolaid drinks to match. I think I'm really kind of sick of purple for a while now.

I made the cake thinking it was one thing and then when I turned the pan over to get the cake out, realized it wasn't at all the pan I had thought it was. So I had to improvise as there was no way I was going to attempt what I had originally planned. I'm too lazy. But I think it turned out cute (and just fine!) anyway.

Kind of a crap picture of the spread, but there you have it. The swimming pool made a nice wind blocker given I couldn't take the cupcakes out of the container because they would have made a very purple, sticky mess everywhere by being blown around by the stinking wind. At least I expected the wind this year and bowing to it makes it a much less stressful experience. Not one cuss word this time. Really. Just not so great looking presentations. But that's okay! She's three - what does she care?

Can I just mention I HATE when people don't RSVP? When planning a party, it helps to have a small idea of how many you need to plan for. Especially when making individual items. So to make sure there is enough you always end up with WAY too many. People! When you're invited to a party, give some indication if you'll be attending or not! Save the party planner a little stress, would yah? I guess what I am saying is we had WAY too many suckers and that's after throwing multiples at people as they left. But... if everyone would have shown up, then we would have had it just right or maybe not enough. RSVPs aren't hard. Now to step off the soapbox...

She didn't really get why everyone around her was singing. It took her a few seconds to decide she actually kind of enjoyed being the center of attention (I know! *My* kid - what's wrong with her??) and then she ate it all up with a big grin. When she went to blow out the candle there was a convenient burst of wind that did it for her but it was such perfect timing she didn't have a clue. She couldn't have cared less about the cake and was only interested in the cupcake for about a bite and a half. So knowing we were on a limited attention span with the big, fancy park just a few feet away, we jumped into opening gifts.

Here she is supposed to be showing off one of her gifts but she doesn't hold still or pose or cooperate much at all with cameras.

I just have to say I think I have one of the most gracious, grateful 3-year olds (children, quite possibly, at this point - it's so rare anymore) in the world. Once she started opening gifts from other people (Mom doesn't count, don't need to tell her thanks! geeze!), without any prompting whatsoever, she ran around to each person after opening his/her gift and gave them hugs. And she insisted on it. It was adorable and actually made me very proud that she is so kind and thoughtful to realize people are giving her things.

Gifts kept her attention for a few minutes but not for long. I was worried she'd want to get right into a few of the things the whole "open NOW!" child experience. She didn't care at all. She looked at what she got, put it in a pile and moved on to the next gift. And then? It was off to the park not to be seen again for HOURS.

And this picture I just had to throw in there because I think it's absolutely adorable. It only took these two almost two years to become friends but now they are best buddies. And they couldn't be any cuter.

Happy birthday, little monster. You've made the last three years fly by, thanks for helping me to love every minute of it no matter how good or bad it was!

(Thanks to "Uncle Marker" for getting some really great pictures!)

Posted by Kim at 1:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Everyone is posting their adorable Easter pictures and updates and I've gotta tell you, the Easter bunny ripped them off!

For Easter this year, the Easter Bunny brought Madeleine her "very own house." (That's what she calls it and every item in it is also "her very own!") Quite the gift, huh?!? She is so happy to have all of her things back I don't think even Christmas could match the excitement level. So instead of getting all dressed up and cute and getting lots of fun and cute and yummy treats from the Easter Bunny, we spent the day unpacking. Though I can't say it was a terrible way to spend a day. We have an almost functioning kitchen now!

We did get to do an Easter egg hunt and she loved it. She couldn't care less for the point of it, she was just thrilled to wander around picking up a ton of candy off the ground! Thanks to my sister and her husband, we did get to give her a little piece of the holiday and not completely abandon it for her. Holidays are much more fun and, I think, much more important when kids are involved.

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Posted by Kim at 5:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Yeah. That title would be mine.

Ever since I started back to work (oh, yeah, by the way, I've gone back to work. More about that later), I have had very little patience with Madeleine at nights. I last about an hour and then we're at war. Tonight was no exception. After telling her a million times to go get in bed, and Monica telling her son the same thing, I had about had it. We are currently staying with my sister and sleeping in her basement. For some of reason, Madeleine has developed an odd and intense fear of the basement after dark. That's where we were as we were yelling at our kids to JUST GO AWAY already. We were on a different side from the kids who were "supposed to be" going to bed. I heard them squabbling, something about the light, more blabber blabber but we're not paying attention so we're not looking. I walk in to the room to watch Madeleine slide off a small table as it tumbles to the side under her. Being at my wit's end with her, I react in frustration. I yell at her for being on the table and what was she doing on the table in the first place!?! "If you hadn't been on the table, you wouldn't have gotten hurt."

I pick up the table as I'm holding her and it's a fairly heavy table. She is screaming because she's hurt and probably more scared than anything. I'm nothing but frustrated at this point because I thought she was just dinking around, climbing on the table for fun. After a few minutes of screaming (hers and mine), she calms down and tells me she was on the table because Christian (her cousin who was supposed to be going upstairs to go to bed long ago as well) turned off the light on her and she was scared.

Damn. Ouch. Woops.

I immediately tear up and feel absolutely horrible. Massive Parenting Guilt - 1. Kim - 0.

Posted by Kim at 1:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

There was a cricket chirping in the kitchen this morning. (I know, crickets in the dead of winter in teen degree weather. I don't get it either.) Madeleine listens for a minute and then asks, "What's that sound?" I explain it's a cricket chirping somewhere in the kitchen. She gets very excited and asks, "Mulan's cricket?!?"

Thanks to Madagascar 2, she has her first word she can spell all by herself. "Moto Moto." M-O-T-O. And boy, is she proud of it.

She can name even the most minor characters in most of her movies. Characters most people could never name.

She needs to get out more.

On top of that, her favorite phrases are "no," "zip it," and "freakin' annoying."

I'm creating a monster.

Posted by Kim at 11:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We're watching Monsters, Inc. and Li'l Miss Monster is talking about how Boo is with her friends (the scene where Sully thinks she's in the garbage compactor).

Me: Boo is with her friends?

M: Uh huh.

Me: Do you have friends?

M: No.

Me: No? Why not?

M: My friends at home. At my own house.

"My own house" is what she calls the Virginia house. So apparently all her friends are in Virginia. She barely had the sentence out before I haId tears in my eyes. She has friends here, they're all family. Looks like I need to get this kid some Utah friends who aren't related to her.

Posted by Kim at 11:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Now that I am finally caught up on all those stinkin' questions, I can start posting guilt-free again. Things like more pictures of insane things my child does when I turn my head for five seconds.

She took one more step and then realized she was kinda stuck. But that she got that high by herself was enough for me. I think they have a quota for daily heart attacks for their parents.

She made it all the way to the top by herself on this one. A number of times.

They're never too young to put 'em to work, right?

Posted by Kim at 12:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This was the first year she actually got to go out and do anything in her costume. Before now, we didn't have the time or the places to go for it to matter. We were pretty excited to have the time AND the places to take her this year. Then I got hit with the flu (which was tons of fun in case you're wondering) and she decided to skip her nap for the day. By the time it was trick-or-treating time, she was a demon-bee and no fun at all. Though no matter how grouchy she was, she had no problem lighting up for every new person to "look!" at her adorable little dress. She was very proud of it. I would have to agree with her, it is pretty cute.

But next year, she's most definitely napping first!

Posted by Kim at 10:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I sat down to type up a post about the fun few days Li'l Miss M and I spent at my sister's house in Ogden. Because I love to procrastinate, I did so by reading up on a few blogs. Seems my sister beat me to it. And because I am also lazy, I'll just send you her way to read about our fun few days with them. In a nutshell - a lot of toddler Rock Band and some pumpkins.

Posted by Kim at 10:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm not really sure what look she's going for here. One thing is for certain, this kid has a style all her own.

Day care is closed for the week so we spent the day hanging out, doing errands, and watching movies. She's getting more and more interested in the whole "dress up" thing. Soon enough, I'm sure, we'll need the big trunk with all the fancy dresses and shoes and accessories just to keep her out of my stuff happy.

Posted by Kim at 1:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Then promptly freaked out because she was all dirty after jumping up and down in the mud puddles. Go figure.

Posted by Kim at 5:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I couldn't bear leaving the last entry at the top for the entire weekend. So instead, here's a picture of my oh-so-stylin' child in her jammies and heels as high as she is. She has suddenly become the girliest of girls. Shoes, purses, jewelry, she's all about the girl stuff. And, truthfully, I'm really not sure where she got it.

Posted by Kim at 10:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Can you say "ew?"

I know she's a toddler. And I know toddlers are supposed to be messy. But I have issues.

I hover when she eats. I wipe up as she spills. I clean up and toss as she drops. Sticky, slimy, greasy, messy. I just can't do it.

Once in a while, I accept that I am a bit absurd - that I need to just get over it. Let her be a messy kid. It's rare. Very rare. And usually outside.

Posted by Kim at 1:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

So glad someone gets to have fun with her! She loves this stuff. Though this one wasn't nearly as easy to wash off and she wasn't too fond of that part...

Posted by Kim at 10:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I am a terrible slacker who cannot prioritize.

I kept putting Madeleine's two-year pictures off - well, that and just simply forgetting to schedule them. I kind of regret that now. Because this is what she looked like when she officially turned two:

She doesn't look at all like that anymore. See that complete lack of hair? That changed. Over night. I swear. So now, instead of having two-year pictures that show what she looked like at "two," I have pictures that are two months and two days too late. (I didn't plan it that way, I just happened to realize yesterday that's how old she was the day the pictures were taken.) Which means they are of a different kid.

Of course, when I did finally get around to taking her, she didn't want to cooperate anyway. She refused to smile. Had absolutely zero interest in any of it. And just wanted to get down and run away. Not that we had the world's best photographer anyway. (I know. I should have known better. That's what happens from lack of planning ahead.) But we did get a few "decent" shots.

Once we got home though... Well, that's another story altogether. She was all smiles then. Happy as can be. "CHEEEEEEESE" all over the place. And completely hammin' it up for the camera. I'm not the world's best photographer either, but I did manage to get a few very cute shots.

Yeah, she's definitely two.

Posted by Kim at 2:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Apparently her baby was hungry for yogurt, too.

I just wish she could learn so well with other people, not just her toys.

Posted by Kim at 10:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I never did get around to writing about our Disneyland trip, did I? Hmm... I'm kind of a slacker. Maybe I'll work on that. More so I have a means of remembering any of it than anything else...

Miss Monster and I were looking through pictures last night before bed and I came across this one and just had to share it:

Seriously!?

Posted by Kim at 12:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Two firsts in this picture. Her first pigtails. I didn't even realize her hair was long enough to do anything to - I just knew it was long enough to drive me crazy but not long enough to get out of her face. I was obvioulsy wrong. I got home from work last night and day care had made her the cutest little *kid* around. She absolutely loved them, she was so proud of them - had to show them off and make sure they were there every few minutes. Loved them so much she made me do it again this morning. Sounds like I need to get to the store and buy some hairbands. I have no idea what to do with a little girl's hair. Help!

Second is the candy necklace she has around her neck. It came with her dinner. I wasn't too thrilled about it, but she didn't know it was candy and I sure wasn't going to tell her. Instead, we told her it was a necklace - a toy. She played with it all night. Put it on. Take it off. Endless entertainment. Works for me.

The craziest part of all though is how much of a kid she was sitting across from us eating her dinner. I am pretty sure it happened overnight. It's a little creepy.

Posted by Kim at 12:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I know. I should use them for 4 different posts. But if I did that, they’d never get posted.

1.
We went shoe shopping the other day. I usually don’t put her down or at least keep her in her stroller but this time, I let her get down and walk around. Before I had done a thing, she knew exactly what to do. She sat down, took her shoes off and went straight for the highest, craziest heels she could find. She put them both on and walked around the store in them.

2.
Now that I am temporarily getting to spend more time with her at nights, we’re actually going out and doing things once I get home. The other night I took her out for ice cream. (Well, nasty, icky, gross frozen custard to be specific. Which is incredibly sad because frozen custard is so yummy!) I bought her her very own cup and sat her in her chair and let her eat it by herself. It was very sticky. But she loved it. I think she loved that it was “hers” more than she loved the actual ice cream.

3.
Her Nana D sent her birthday stuff to her a while ago but we weren’t able to get it until last weekend. We opened everything up and she was thrilled over this little blanket/pillow combo she got. She made me put it out for her immediately – even though we were on our way right back out the door. I caved (surprise, surprise) and she plopped right down on it and didn’t want to move. She was just too comfy. And interested in the show she was watching that wouldn’t possibly match the blanket. No. Never. My kid doesn’t watch Mickey Mouse. Not ever. Ugh.

4.
No, we weren’t driving. We weren’t moving. We weren’t even running. The car was completely turned off – we were just waiting for the rain to settle down a little before we ventured out of the car. She loves to do this. She pushes all the buttons, turns all the vents, causes all sorts of chaos for the next time I turn on the car.

Posted by Kim at 5:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This past Saturday, Li’l Miss M’s day care hosted quite the event. They invited all of the families over for a day of fun that included a bounce house, clowns, the fun bus, the reptile guy, a kid’s musician, and all sorts of crazy amounts of food. It was a really great turn out and it was really nice to finally (after 2 years in some cases) formally meet some of the kids’ parents. You say hi, you chat about each other’s kids and everyone knows everyone’s kids, but none of the parents really know any of the other parents. So it was nice to get the chance to meet the parents of my child’s bestest friends. It was also good to get to see my demon child interact with other people she’s familiar with. She’s very comfortable over there, that’s for sure.

She had a ball. She was a little unsure of all the people and events when we first got there and stayed pretty close to us. But then we mentioned face painting and that quickly went to the top of her agenda. She stood and waited her turn, patiently, politely and quietly for at least 5 minutes. I know! My kid! Crazy, huh? When it was finally her turn, I put her up in the chair and she knew just what to do. She sat perfectly still and closed her eyes before the lady even turned to look at her. She knows what’s up – this is all old hat to her.

Next on her agenda was a balloon! MUST have a balloon. So she went to see the balloon lady and was given the cutest little lady bug balloon. It held her attention for a few minutes. Until she saw some of the other kids jumping on and popping their balloons. So, of course, that was the cool thing to do. She took hers off, threw it on the ground, put her foot on it and stepped down. POP! She was hooked. She kept going back for more balloons just to toss them to the ground and step on it to hear the little “POP” it would give. They were small balloons, not loud at all. Which is a good thing. Kids – and the heat – were popping those suckers left and right.

In between balloon poppings, she tried out the bounce house. She wasn’t too thrilled with it the first time she went in. But the second time she was in there with some of her buddies and had a blast. And I would swear she was showing off for and flirting with the teenage boy charged with manning the house. Silly girl.

She refused to eat or drink anything – she was just having way too much fun for that. It was so hot outside we kept trying to sucker her in to *something.* Then one of her little friends was given a snow cone. My child is such a follower. Suddenly it was okay to give her a snow cone to eat. It was her first one, she had no idea what to do with it, so of course tried to drink it. That didn’t work so well. She quickly figured it out and packed it around for a good while. I think she maybe only took 3 bites from it but kept going back to the lady serving them wanting more.

We were only there for a little over an hour but Madeleine had a blast. And we had just as much fun watching her. It’s nice to get out with her every now and again and experience a little bit of real life. I just wish we were in a position (or location) to be motivated to do it a whole lot more often. But, I guess that’s what makes the few times we do get to do it all that more awesome.

Posted by Kim at 4:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

And just because I'm feeling picture-sharing happy today, I'll post a few more I've been meaning to get around to and have just been too lazy to make the effort.

Since we were in Utah for Madeleine's birthday, she got her presents from us late. As in, probably two weeks after we got home. And they weren't wrapped. And, well, she was with us when we bought them. We're not the best parents in the world right now, we know that. We're a little distracted. She still loved them. Well, loved one of them. Wasn't so much a fan of the other one, though she does like to watch it. She just hates it when it touches her.

Posted by Kim at 3:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've been extra word-heavy again lately and slacking in the picture department. Let's make up for that, shall we?

We spent the 4th of July with some friends. Hanging out, having dinner, letting the kids play, fun times. The kids hadn't seen each other in a while so it took them a few minutes to warm back up to each other (??? this was Madeleine's first friend and best friend, but whatever, she had just woken up) but once everyone was back to normal - they had a blast (getting in to all sorts of trouble). We did a few fireworks in their driveway before we headed out. We had no idea how either child would respond to them. Apparently, consensus was bright lights - good, loud noise - bad. They had a great time.

Li'l Miss M as we were getting ready to leave our house

The two buddies watching driveway fireworks

Posted by Kim at 3:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Last Friday (because I am nothing if not consistent in my always late for and with everything-ness), we took Li’l Miss Monster in for her 2-year check up and for her first dentist appointment. (The trip for the chipped tooth doesn’t count.)

The check-up at the doctor was all sorts of boring for her. She totally has the “been there, done that” attitude about the doctor’s office. Except on the sick kids’ side they have a cool little bus play area that she loves! Great when she’s sick. Horrible when she’s not. There is always an unbelievable wait time when we get there so the entire time is spent fighting to keep her on the “well” side of the waiting room when clearly, all the cool stuff is on the sick side. By the time we get into see the doctor, we’re all at our wit’s end from fighting for so long. I liked it better when it was all still kind of new and interesting to her. Now she’s all, “Look, I’ve been here. I know what they do. It’s a bit annoying. Can I please leave now?” She still does okay though – for the most part. She had a good check-up, she’s doing just fine and is completely normal. Though I could have sworn she weighed 8 tons because my back sure feels like she does after packing her around all day. But no. Only 24. ??? Seriously, I was thinking at least 30. The kid is SCRAWNY!

I was a little worried about her at the dentist. She’s not a huge fan of people sticking things in her mouth. Though she does LOVE to brush her teeth (i.e., suck and gnaw on a toothbrush) She had been there before so she would have some familiarity but it was so long ago I didn’t think she’d remember. Either way, she was awesome. She let them “tickle her teeth” (brush them), and count them, and let the dentist stick her fingers all over in her mouth. Probably because she knew she would be getting a balloon. Nothing like bribery to get the kids to behave. She got a balloon, a new toothbrush, stickers, a pencil, some floss, and a water-squirter toy. Who needs Santa when you have the dentist??

I can’t believe it’s been two years. Life is moving much too quickly.

Posted by Kim at 11:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

While in Utah last week, we threw Madeleine a little birthday party. It was absolutely adorable (yes, I did have my doubts the entire planning and prepping time). It was Minnie Mouse themed since she's a little obsessed. She had a great time playing with the balloons and all of her cousins that came.

I kept it pretty simple since I was planning it from 2,000 miles away and it turned out much better than I had expected (with the exception of the damn cupcakes and icing). I did favor bags for the kids and put large Minnie Mouse bows on the bags. They were stuffed with bubbles and party blowers and stickers and who knows what else. I also made favors for the adults, which, I swear, if I ever get that bug up my butt again - someone shoot me. I spent two weekends making two Mickey Mouse head chocolates at a time. I had to improvise for the molds and it took forever (I used the container that came with cookie cutters I bought). Then, because I love making myself absolutely miserable, I took red and white chocolate and painted bows on some of them. Not doing it again. Ever. But they sure were cute.

When I got to Utah, I made the cake and cupcakes. And here's the cupcake story: Three different boxes of cake mixes. Each with different high altitude instructions. I don't LIVE in high altitude. My default is not high altitude. The first box I did, I made as the cake, it didn't have any "special instructions." It was fine. The second box... Well, let's just say - I don't live in high altitude! I don't think to double check anymore. Needless to say, they were a little, well ... flat. Definitely fixed it for the third batch. Which, of course, exploded over the edges as opposed to wilted to nothing like the broken batch. The broken batch tasted just fine, just a little on the small side. They were for kids. Who cares? (Well, I did but I got over it given it was almost midnight as it was.)

The next day was the frosting. I had tried the recipe once before and it turned out okay, I just didn't get the color right. I learned how to fix that. So I did. Perfect shade of red. But! For whatever reason, there was no thickness to the frosting. It wouldn't thicken up to frost anything. No idea what I did wrong so I just gave in and used it for the cupcakes, knowing I was going to be really grumpy with it. It tasted fine, was just really runny. So I caved and bought icing to use for the cake. Which, if I may say so myself (and I *never* do), it was DAMN cute! I loved it.

We did a cheese and cracker tray with the Mickey Mouse shaped cheese. My sister made a fruit basket and we had a veggie tray. We did red punch to go along with the "red/black/white" thing and, as I did last year, we completely forgot about the ice cream til after everyone had eaten.

Madeleine got to spend time playing with a bunch of her cousins and had a ton of sugar to keep her going. She had a ball. Which was the whole point to begin with. It wasn’t stress-free but it was a very laid-back, easy party and she had tons of fun. So YAE!

Posted by Kim at 4:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

There were a couple of days last week that Madeleine came home with her face painted. She was so proud of it. The first night, she showed off her butterflies like they were fabulous works of art. The second night she had a runny nose so mostly destroyed it but she was still so excited about it.

One of the girls at day care paints the kids up and they all have a ball. What impresses me - and I certainly can't speak for the other children, only my own - is how in the holy sam hell she gets them to sit still long enough to do anything but draw a big blob. Some of them are pretty intricate and fancy. And they're all tiny toddlers who don't sit still for anything ever. I'm kinda jealous. Maybe I need to invest in some face paint.

Posted by Kim at 5:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I can't say I mind them much myself. I was actually able to do a little bit of shopping without an impatient, melting-down child. Good stuff!

Posted by Kim at 12:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

She had been cuddling with the baby, right up under her chin. But I'm not so quick with the iphone camera in a dark car.

Posted by Kim at 10:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We were house-sitting/dog-sitting for some friends last week. Madeleine loves their dog. He may be 5 times as big as she is, but she adores him. He is the nicest, most mellow, patient, awesome dog. He’d let her get right up in his face, chase him around the house, follow him absolutely everywhere, try to feed him fruit snacks and god knows what else, and just overall harass the holy crap out of the poor dog. She loved giving him his treats at night, hated leaving the house because he couldn’t go with her, and she talked about him all the time. In the mornings, when I would get her out of bed, the first thing she would say is, “I want Buddy.” Five days after we’ve been home, it’s still the first thing she says in the mornings. And often, the last thing she says at night. It’s beyond adorable.

Posted by Kim at 4:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This kid. She loves her some pancakes.

The picture isn't recent. No, it's back from when she used to actually eat her pancakes. She used to eat 6 mini-pancakes on the way to day care in the mornings. Now she takes maybe 3 bites. She's just too tired.

I'm not really sure where she learned it, but when she eats things - like mini-pancakes - she has to stack them on top of each other. She won't eat them one at a time and they have to be stacked exactly even (yes, she throws them down and throws a fit until her bite marks are exactly lined up in each piece). Usually it's just 2 or 3 at a time. However, as you can see in the picture, every once in a while she gets really over-zealous about her pancakes and stacks them all together and tries to eat them that way. But then... the bite marks get out of whack and she has to put them all down and start over.

Posted by Kim at 1:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's finally getting warm enough that we don't have to spend all night in the house. Thank goodness. Hopefully it stays that way. It's made surviving the night much, much easier.

Posted by Kim at 12:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Walking around in my high heels, she keeps saying, "Ow. Ow. Ow."

"If they're 'Ow,' take them off."

"NO!"

Posted by Kim at 8:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

(I'm probably going to regret asking, but... )

No, we’re not actually started this yet. (Could you IMAGINE? Gasp! Choke! Hyperventilate!) But…. Li’l Miss M has taken serious interest in “potty” and “going potty” and attempting to tell me when she somehow thinks she might, maybe, probably not wants/needs to go potty. So obviously I don’t have a lot of time left (before I want to just DIE already!). When it comes to the process of, I’ll rely on books and tips and tricks from those I know and whatever – pretty much like I do everything else. But right now my concern is – what kind of “potty” is better to start out with? The kind that sits on the toilet seat itself? The kind that sits on the floor? Pros? Cons? Ideas? Suggestions? Recommendation? Any advice at all? I need to start shopping for one I think but don’t want to buy one just to find out later I should have bought the other one. But… if it’s anything else like “kid gear” each kid is so picky and individual I’m going to end up buying them both. What did you do? Or, what are you planning to do? What worked best for you?

Posted by Kim at 2:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I think we had a pretty good weekend.

Posted by Kim at 2:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Instead of making two separate posts I am just throwing two completely unrelated items together. I’m lazy like that.

A list of what my child ate today:

9 (Yes, NINE) medallion pancakes
3 cookies
Some pasta
A cup of peaches
Some chunks of chicken
A piece of chocolate
1 pack of fruit snacks
Bite of an apple
A few bites of spaghetti
2 bananas
½ Southwestern Eggroll
¼ Cheese Quesadilla

My child who barely weighs 22 lbs. Ate all of that. In one day. And was still begging for food when I finally put her to bed. This cannot be another growth spurt. She just went through one and we had to get rid of most of her clothes. I can’t afford to get rid of the rest of them! She needs to slow way the hell down.

And on to much more fun for me stuff…

I participated in the Pink and Brown Color Me Happy Swaparooni this month. I put together what I thought would be a really great package for my swap partner (don’t wanna post the details here just in case she stumbles across this post). It was so cute. Even included stuff for her kids. It’s my favorite color combination so of course I had a ball. But… Then… I put it in the mail and…. It got lost. I sent it two weeks ago and she still doesn’t have it. I am sooooo angry, frustrated, sad, everything. Ugh! Anyway, my swap partner sent me the coolest loot so I thought I’d share. She even included stuff for Li’l Miss M. Disney stuff nonetheless. I love it all.

Posted by Kim at 10:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We'll call this "Many Faces of Baby"

There. I feel much better now. Whew. It was so serious around here!

Posted by Kim at 7:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by Kim at 4:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

- The flight from Chicago was a full one. A man went to sit down in the seat next to me. Madeleine screamed, "NO!" and then pointed and started crying hysterically. Oh how I wanted to climb under the seat and claim she was NOT mine.

- The other night we were hanging out on the couch and she was drinking her milk. After a few minutes, she handed it to me, curled herself up into her "sleeping ball" and started pretend snoring. Where'd that come from??

- Dropping her off at day care today was the hardest day since the day I came back from maternity leave. Well, that day wasn't even THAT bad, that one was pretty easy really. But this one? This one ripped my heart out, stomped on it and then proceeded to laugh at it and mock it for a good, long time.

Posted by Kim at 5:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

WARNING: Not for the faint of heart. Or those without children.

I woke up to Madeleine whimpering and crying way too early this morning. That early, I usually let her deal with it by herself and go back to sleep. She wasn't giving up so I knew she wouldn't be falling back asleep on her own so I went in to check on her. The second I pushed the door open I knew it was going to be a bad day.

My nose inhaled, my stomach churned and my head thought, "You are the worst mother ever. Why weren't you in here immediately?!"

She was trying to stand up as I walked over to her but she was so tipsy and out of it she was flailing all over the place. And covered head to toe in throw up. So I didn't really want her trying to move around. I got to her and immediately pulled her clothes off, noticed the mess in the bed and felt horrible that she had to spend a second in there let alone whatever god-forsaken amount of time she had actually been in there.

I stripped her down and wrapped her in a blanket and put her in her rocking chair. She sat there, quiet as a mouse and still as could be while I stripped her bed down while - unsuccessfully - holding my breath. The sheets, the pillow, the crib-bumper, the blanket, her pajamas, all of it went straight into the washer. I picked her up, her head and chest covered in it as well, and took her into the bathroom to put her in a bath. Just my luck, it's where I had emptied her sheet before putting it in the washer and the drain decided not to well - drain. It does this every now and again and of course, the one time I really need it, it clogs.

It's barely after 6 in the morning, Dan has to be up for work soon and I feel bad that we're being so noisy trying to get things cleaned up down the hall as it is. But I give up and take her into our bathroom and run a bath for her in there. A thorough soaping and hair washing and she still reeks of vomit. I can tell she's exhausted, she had tried to drink a little bit of milk while I cleaned up (I know. She's puking. What the hell was I thinking giving her milk??? I was only half awake, it was ready and I needed something to keep her occupied while I abandoned her to try to get the stink out of her room.) and she actually wanted out of the tub, which she never does. We dry her off, put a diaper on her and I bury the guest bed in towels and her mattress covers - just in case - and she passes right out.

An hour later, she wakes up. She's happy and hyper as can be and wants her daddy. She gets out of bed, heads down the hall and not 30 seconds later she comes running back losing every bit of milk and god knows what else was left in her stomach the whole way. I jump up, grab her, put her in the sink and start all over again. Take her back to the bath tub since Dan was in there getting ready anyway and head to the hallway to clean up the mess.

Here's the cool part, my father-in-law gave us a SpotBot for Christmas that we've been longing for for ages. Not a huge need now that we don't have the dogs, but we were sure it'd come in handy at some point. Boy, did it. I LOVE this thing. Granted, it didn't come with nearly enough cleaner, I'll be buying more of that tonight. But man does it work wonders. So while Dan ran to the store before he went to work to get Pedialyte and Drano, I cleaned up the floors and got Madeleine settled in with Elmo.

She ran around, wanted to go whee! (her way of telling you to play ring around the rosies with her), went through the cupboards, the pantry, climbed up and down the stairs and who knows what else. She was fine. Except that little belly. After a while, she gave up and realized she was really tired so sat next to me and watched Elmo for a little while.

Two and a half Elmo- viewings later, she gave up sitting next to me, face-planted on the couch and hasn't moved since.

The best part about all of this? The nurse said it's highly contagious, "so you might want to just accept it now. You can't get away from it." But I'm already missing a day of work today. I have things to do this week. I was going to get to go out with friends for the first time since I moved out here. I can't get sick. No. I refuse. I say as I sit here feeling my stomach getting queasy and mouth getting watery. Though that could just be from still smelling it everywhere I turn and wanting to fumigate my entire upstairs before I have to go up there again.

The worst part is that I have been so hungry but didn't want to eat in front of her because she would want something and she shouldn't have it. So I guess I should go take advantage of her sleeping and finally get some food. And I don't know, maybe shower or get dressed finally. Or something.

UPDATED TO ADD:
Seriously! Only *I* could do this. I went up to empty the SpotBot because who wants throw-up water sitting in a container all day? This was the first time I've used it so I just went with intuition and history of other similar products. I got the container off, picked it up and went to readjust the way I was carrying it. Instead, unlike every other water container on a machine, this one didn't have a freaking lid!!! So the yucky, gross, nasty water went all down my leg and right back to all over the floor. I guess Resolve is a good back up until I can get to the store for more cleaner for the SpotBot. Which I still love. It's not its fault that I don't WATCH. what. I. am. doing!

Posted by Kim at 12:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"Show me your supermodel face"

Less commonly known (to her, apparently) as the "fish face" and the "kissy face."

Posted by Kim at 1:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When I was little, I was so disappointed that I couldn’t just snap my fingers to clean my room. How I longed for just a little bit of the Mary Poppins magic. To be able to just snap my fingers and make simple things happen - and quickly. The time it could save!

I have found myself, once again, longing for a little bit of that magic. I think I’m going to keep snapping in blind hope because thinking of having to clean this up every day? There’s not enough sugar in the world to make that medicine go down in any sort of delightful way.

Posted by Kim at 1:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Elmo! Elmo! Yae!!

Awww. He's so cute!

Uhhh... he moves...

Holy crap. He's possessed. What the heck were you thinking? Keep that thing away from me!!

Posted by Kim at 9:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I wasn’t actually planning on doing an eighteen-month post so forgive me if it’s a bit slapdash.

So she’s huge now. But still so very tiny. 21 pounds (I only know this because she’s been to the doctor a million times lately), no idea how tall, all too curious and mobile, very independent, crazy as can be, and oh so very animated. She has more personality than I will ever know what to do with.

I have spent 32 of the last 50 days with her. There was only one point where I was ready to stop spending so much time with her and ship her back to day care. I found that the more time I spent with her, the more time I want to spend with her. That’s good and also not good at all.

She has traveled a ton in the last few months. She’s a great traveler. Even when we think she’s being unbearable, she still gets comments from strangers about how great and well-behaved she is. No idea what those people were smoking.

She sleeps so well. Her bedtime is pretty flexible but it’s rarely a fight and once she’s down, she’s down. (Unless she’s fighting teeth. Then we all hate life.) She’s definitely our child in that she doesn’t wake up earlier than the freaking sun. We love that. We appreciate that. We also love that she does it in her very own bed in her very own room now. That’s been so very awesome. I think she loves that too. Napping is not so easy though. No, they’re a big fight. And on weekends or days she’s not at day care, she’s already down to just one nap a day. Which is great when she actually takes it. She’s still afraid she’ll miss something. Napping is just not in her ideal agenda.

She loves pasta and cheese and fruit and yogurt. Still not a big meat fan and, as every other kid in the world, refuses her vegetables. She’s just started using utensils and hanging out while she feeds herself. It’s made mealtimes so much more – I don’t know, survivable? She actually insists on utensils now and will not eat with her fingers. Sure, she’ll play in her food with her fingers, but if it goes in to her mouth, it must be on a fork or spoon. Which must be in HER hand. Not yours. Don’t even think of trying to feed her. And, much to my pleasure, she is her father’s daughter and isn’t a huge fan of sugar. I’m sure that will change, but right now I love that fact that she will say no to cookies and ice cream. But the kid will down a bowl of berries before you can even know what happened to them.

She knows Nemo and Elmo and Minnie Mouse and will very excitedly point them out to you wherever you are. She loves books and has started asking us to read them to her on her own. She also loves her cell phones and will wander the house endlessly, deep in important conversation. She will make a toy out of anything. I still have pumpkins in the house from Halloween because she plays with them so much. She loves to dance and has started enjoying music. And she loves to go for walks – loves to walk. Gone are the days of being held or wanting to be held. She has too much to do and see to have you hold her back.

She has more words than we can keep track of. She knows them well and knows how to use most of them correctly. It seems every few days there is a new one. And so, more for me than for you, I’ll leave you with her 18-month vocabulary list. (Cuz really, how the heck else am I going to remember any of it?)

No
Dog
Mommy
Dada
Walk
Milk
Juice
Bottle
Water
Snow
Cheese
Waffle
Elmo
Nemo
Mouse
Bear
Pooh (the bear!)
Shoes
Book
Cute
Pretty
Wow
Movie
Banana
Nana
Baby
Ball
Blue
A, B, C, D
What’s this?
What’s that?
Whee!!
Bath
Woof!
Choo-Choo
And, boy, can she ROAR!

Posted by Kim at 2:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Day care called me at work yesterday because I had a sick kid yet again.

(Seriously – how do parents who both work and have real jobs deal with this? I cannot even imagine. So I guess this would be a good time to point out how much I love my job. Right?)

So I left early, yet again, to go pick her up and take her home. She slept the whole drive home, waking to cry or cough or get grumpy a few times. That’s how it’s been the last couple weeks. The kid’s just not getting any real, restful sleep. I got her home and in the house and she was crabby and whiney and all-around grouchy as expected. And clingy and needy and … She was a sick kid. So there was lots of cuddling and coddling the poor kid.

We have our Christmas cards hanging from our mantle. One of them has a big polar bear on it and it caught her eye in one of our many rounds around the room. Then the dog in the picture next to it caught her eye. Then, her eyes lit up, she grinned from ear to ear, starting giggling and waving frantically and yelled, “Jayshsee! Jayshsee!” And then she started waving harder and bouncing up and down in my arms. She had found her little friend, Jaysen, in the picture and she was apparently very happy about that.

I know she knows who people are and can easily recognize them. But she hasn’t really done that with anyone in pictures yet. (Well, except her dad but she’s obsessed with him anyway.) But she was so excited about seeing Jaysen in that picture that she just kept waving and giggling and grinning forever. I gave her the picture so she could pack it around for a little while since she was so fascinated with it. She held on to that thing for a good, long while. See – Christmas cards really are good for something! Especially the ones with pictures in them. (Too bad they don’t come laced with some miracle drug to cure sick, grumpy kids. But I guess it eased the pain for a few minutes so that’s something.)

(Really I just like Christmas cards. Send me Christmas cards. I need more Christmas cards.)

Posted by Kim at 2:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Topic: Write a haiku about your daughter.

Man, I haven't written any kind of poetry in over a decade. Forgive me for the complete crap.

tiny sleeping babe
you steal my heart with each breath
little angel girl

Posted by Kim at 3:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

When I travel, I typically like to bring home little mementos from the place I’ve been visiting. Not so much to remember the trip, but more to say, “yep, been there, done that.” I don’t like a lot of clutter so I try to keep things fairly small and functional. Someday, when I have a house I can actually “live” in, I will put my “travel shelf” back up and be able to display all the little things I collect.

(Yes, it’s a shelf of Vegas, Disney and NYC stuff. Zip it. I’m working on that!)

This last trip, this trip to Nebraska? I brought a different kind of souvenir home. One that I think I would have preferred to have left there (no, I’m not talking about the cow farm smell stuck in my car). It’s not really a “shopping” area, we don’t really go anywhere with memento-type stuff while we’re there. And yet, with this lovely, little reminder, I will never, ever forget this trip to Nebraska for as long as I live.

What could I possibly have brought home that is so memorable, you ask?

A child that says, “No!” To absolutely everything. Oh my lands! “No. No. No.” She started the last morning we were there and she hasn’t quit. (And she never will quit, I get that.) And she’s very emphatic about it most of the time. She means business. Sometimes she even shakes her head while saying no just to make sure there is absolutely no confusion about what she could possibly mean.

This is one souvenir I could have completely done without.

Posted by Kim at 1:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

No puppies this year. But at least a baby.

It's going to be a crazy night. Dan has decided to leave tonight instead of tomorrow morning for our very, very long car drive. And since I insist on handing out candy, we can't leave right after work. Come on - that's the fun of Halloween! Seeing the little kids all dressed up and happy (who wouldn't be happy getting free sugar overload??), running around the neighborhoods. I love Halloween. And since I don't get dressed up and go out anymore, I live vicariously through the trick-or-treaters. That and the little, shy ones are just so darn cute I can't stand it. I think they're my favorite part. What about you? What's your favorite part about Halloween?

Posted by Kim at 12:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

On Saturday, we met some friends at the Leesburg Petting Zoo for Pumpkinville.

They had a lot of animals in pens that the kids can feed. There is also a large area for you to go in with the animals - goats, pigs, a camel, and a few others. They had ginormous turtles, pony rides, bird cages, all sorts of fun stuff for the kids to see and do.

She was a little leery of getting too close to the animals at first. And, of course, everything was a dog. She didn't mind them coming close if she was being held, but if she was on her own feet she was very hesitant about something coming near her. She did get down at one point while we were in with the animals and didn’t seem to bothered about the goats wandering around her. I wasn't sure how the pony ride would turn out but she loved it. She sat very still (thank heavens) and was grinning ear to ear by the time it was over.

They had an area of slides and bounces and other activities. She was too little for some of it, but I took her down the hill slide a couple of times and she loved it. The first time I wasn’t sure what she thought but seeing Dan’s pictures after we got home, it was pretty obvious. The second time though she actually giggled and grinned the whole way down. I love that she’s not afraid of that stuff. Hopefully we can keep it that way.

The weather was supposed to be good for the day but a couple of hours in, it started to look pretty nasty so we didn’t get to explore the whole park but she and her little friend, Jaysen, had some fun at the playground before we left.

I love taking her out to do things like this. It gives such a different perspective and allows us to have fun through the children. What surprises me is how much she enjoys it. She loves to go out and about and be with other kids, seeing and doing things that are on her level. Each time we’ve gone out, I’ve worried that she’ll miss a nap and be grouchy or she’ll get tired or anxious and just be a bear. But that hasn’t happened yet. She’s always very excited to see what other people are doing. We let her run around a lot at the petting zoo and she just loved to wander aimlessly, seeing what was out there, exploring the ground and checking out the people. Oh why, oh why can’t it stay this easy to entertain them???

Posted by Kim at 3:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This post should probably be multiple posts but why drag out the pain? Nope, I’m going to get it all over with in one. So bear with me, or you know, move on til next time.

I had mentioned forcing my child to like dogs. I didn’t have to force her. The kid is obsessed. She sees one, she hears one, she wants to see one, it’s all “dog! Dog! Dog!” and she doesn’t quit. Her face lights up and her eyes beam and she runs around with the biggest grin you can imagine.

The neighbors have a dog that they let in their backyard every once in a while. Madeleine's "toy corner" is right next to the window that allows her to see the neighbor's backyard. When the dog is out there, boy, she let's you know. She runs around the living room, so excited, yelling "dog!" And then she gets so sad when he goes inside. I picked her up from day care a while ago and one of the mom's had brought her dogs with her to pick up her child. The day care ladies said Madeleine stood at the glass door for over ten minutes, pointing and yelling, "dog," making sure everyone knew. And she does that - she doesn't forget and she stays so excited for ages after the dog is gone.

So yeah I feel unbearably guilty EVERY STINKING TIME she does this since she has dogs, two of them, and they’re just not here. And then when she gets so upset that the dogs have to go away, I just want to crawl in a hole and not come out.

So there’s that guilt.

And then Halloween. Man. This is the time of year that normally, I would be posting tortured dog photos. Little Chihuahuas dressed in silly, little Halloween costumes, forced to hold still long enough to snap a picture. I can’t bear to walk past the dog section in Target right now. I did it the other week and burst in to tears because the Halloween stuff was just so stinking cute and I have no dogs I can torture with it. And then it’s happened every time since. They need to not put the dog stuff on the way to the check-out counter. How rude. It’s the Halloween stuff that has been killing me lately. Sure, I always miss my dogs but there are times it’s just a bit worse.

They’re very well taken care of, if not spoiled. I know that. And to be perfectly honest, I will probably have a harder time taking them away from the person they’re with than I had letting them go. And I know that as soon as I get them back, they’ll drive me bat-shit crazy with the yapping and the begging and the wanting attention and the baby – dog getting to used to each other, sharing space, oh man that’s gonna suck phase BUT! I miss the little critters like crazy.

Especially now when I so want to put stupid little panda costumes or witch hats on them.

Posted by Kim at 12:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Truth is, Madeleine doesn't get outside much. Which is really unfortunate because she loves to be outside. She will whine and cry to be taken outside all the time. She's as bad as the dogs were, she'll stand at the doors and whine until you let her outside. She'll grab your hand and take you to the door to convince you to take her outside. Of course, while she's out there, she has to get down and run around. Our yard isn't exactly "toddler friendly." All sides of the house slope down so there's really no where to safely let her play without her rolling to the bottom if she loses her balance. The driveway? Completely out of the question. So she doesn't get to play a whole lot outside. We go on walks, that's one of her favorite things and is one of her first words. But that's with her strapped in to the stroller. I will let her walk on the road while I get the mail (we're at the end of a cul-de-sac so it's safe for her) but that never lasts very long. Yes, I feel guilty as can be about it because now it's starting to get cool and the time outside is starting to shrink even more.

This weekend we took her to Great Country Farms for a fall outing. I knew she would have a good time because it was time spent outside. We didn't even bother taking her stroller, it's very child-friendly so we let her walk. We hadn't been there before so we weren't sure exactly what we were in for, I just knew I wanted to go to a pumpkin patch. It was perfect!

The farm was awesome. It had farm animals, which she loved. The turkeys, rabbits, pigs, goats, and even the unidentifiable bird-thingies were all "dogs" to her. She was fascinated with the stinky, smelly, huge pigs and the bunnies, she'd get right up close. We found a cage of baby birds near the restrooms as we were getting ready to leave. She made us walk by those a number of times. She'd walk over and then make one of us pick her up so she could actually see them. It's kind of amazing what she's learned to communicate - and how - in the last little while. And the things she puts together in her head. Who is this kid? Where'd she come from?

While we were waiting for the tractor to take us over to the pumpkin patch, she sat down in the rocks and starting throwing them from one side of her to another. I was making sure she didn't put any in her mouth and she was doing really well. I looked up to talk to Dan for a second and the next thing I knew, she had brown slobber all down her chin and was making "ew! gross! get it out! right now!" noises. So she had her first dirt while at the farm too. Apparently it was not a hit.

We rode in some trailers pulled by a tractor from the farm over to the pumpkin patch. On the way over, she had no idea what was going on - she held perfectly still, barely daring to breathe. Once we got over there, she got out and was fearless on the ground. Burs? Gourds? Sharp sticks? Mean, nasty roots and cut down stems to trip her? Ha! She was a baby on a mission. She wandered, touching everything she could. Of course she fell a few times, but she'd get up, brush herself off, and keep going. She had a great time. And was a lot more relaxed on the ride back to the farm.

We did pick out a couple of pumpkins. While she was too tired by then to really be interested, she loved just getting down and running around on the grass. It really was a nice day, I think we all enjoyed ourselves. It was so fun to get out and watch her see and explore new things. Really, isn't that the point of all this anyway?

Posted by Kim at 1:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Remember when I was eight years old and I broke my arm really, really bad? And when you took me to the emergency room I screamed and cried that I just wanted my dad?

I do.

I am so sorry.

Love,
Your crazy daughter who never could have known how much that must have hurt until she had her own child.

Madeleine smashed her head on the door frame at day care on Wednesday. Her poor, little head had a lump the size of a golf ball on it for hours. She was pretty mellow and blah for a while and slept the whole ride home. Who doesn't want to just take a nap after crying their heart out for 45 minutes? The swelling went down rather quickly. By the time I had her home, it was about half the size it was when I'd picked her up at day care. Once her dad got home though, she didn't want anything to do with me. Just Dad.

Hurt kid. Doesn't want mom. Ouch.

Not so long ago, I would long for the time when she would spend just a few scream-free minutes with her dad and not have to come to me. Everyone told me that soon enough, she'd go to her dad and the first time she rejected coming to me, it would break my heart. And then she'd only want her dad and that would break my heart. Even though it was all I wanted, just a few minutes to myself please, it would still be a jab in the heart when it happened. Yep. Ouch.

And how silly is that?

Posted by Kim at 12:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We were so excited to get Li'l Miss M forward-facing in the car. I was sure it would move us a step in the right direction to a more normal, tolerable life car ride. I was so sure.

I was so wrong. So very wrong.

Now, not only does she whine and cry and scream and cry and moan and groan and cry, she does it with her arms outstretched. As to say, "Please, Mommy. Get me out of these restraints. Please." (Though, in truth, I am sure it's more "Look, woman! Let me out. How dare you?") So that's all the more fun.

At least rear-facing she would get so bored she would just pass out. But now - there are things to watch and pay attention to and get very bored of but oh what if I miss something and I must keep watching even though I am going absolutely out of my mind oh here let me cry about it a while.

I'm hoping the new-ness soon wears off and she gets bored enough to sleep through the commute again. Because now? She's not happy. I'm not happy. And together - that makes us both very unhappy and makes for a very long day.

But isn't she so cute all dwarfed by her gigantic throne seat?

Posted by Kim at 2:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I took Madeleine to see Mr. Knick Knack yesterday. I had never had her out in a crowded place before so I had no idea how either of us would handle it.

She ate it up.

She was fearless. She jumped down and just wandered. She tried to join another family, climb anything not already sprouting multiple children, let other little kids walk up and hug her (yes, complete strangers), and just happily wandered through the play area making friends every where she went. She would just walk up to people, stand there and just look at them. Every adult smiled and talked to her and were all very friendly, and the little kids were the same. Even the few times she was plowed over by bigger kids, she'd just on the floor, soaking it all up.

Given she is much, MUCH smaller than I am, she maneuvered herself through the crowd very easily. I, however, had a heck of a time keeping up with her. There was only one time that she got knocked smack down by a much larger child that she even cared that she wasn't completely certain she had a clue as to where her mom was. Aside from that, she couldn't care less where I was, she was having FUN!

She danced around, clapped with the music (apparently B-I-N-G-O is a big hit with her), and had a ball. I only wish I had taken my actual camera in with me instead of just my phone. We'll definitely be going to see Mr. Knick Knack again. He seriously, totally ROCKS.

Posted by Kim at 11:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by Kim at 10:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Before I had a baby, I knew I would be the mom who paid attention – who was all too organized – who kept track of everything and wrote every single thing down – who would know without even having to think about it when the first smile was, when the first tooth came in, which tooth that was, when she took her first step, said her first word and you know, be the mom that will be able to tell her, when she's older, all the silly little details of when she was a baby. All that mom stuff that just about every other mom in the world out there can do.

Except me.

I truly did mean to keep on on-going journal for Madeleine. I started one. About six times. Needless to say, this site is just about all I have.

Someday.

Someday I will organize myself enough that I can start keeping track. So that I can go back and determine when what happened and figure out how to make sense of any of it. Sure, I have a few things on a few different calendars but her baby book is hit and miss, I haven’t scrapbooked a blasted thing. I haven’t even finished her bank. I have got to get a grip! Get rid of the disorganized lazies and pay attention. This is important stuff. Even if it’s only important to me.

So that’s my goal. Pay enough attention that I can document – whether it is just here for now, or in a book, or even a simple notebook – things that go on. Enough so that I can go back when I do have the time to chronologically make real sense of it and put it all together as the story of her life and have it actually include the big things as well as the small things.

What have you done with your kids? What would you like to do? And more importantly, how do you organize it all?

Posted by Kim at 11:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Until I think of something worthwhile to say... (But more because it's been a really long time since I posted a picture. And yet, this picture isn't even recent .... I'm slacking, I know)

Posted by Kim at 3:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When everyone would say "Oh you're in trouble" or "you'll be in trouble" about Li'l Miss M(onster) learning to walk, I thought, "Seriously!? How much worse could it be? She already gets in to EVERYTHING. She already is fast as can be. She already pulls up on everything. She's already sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. So - really - how much worse could it be?"

It's so much worse.

Wanna know why?

Because now not only is she mobile, so are THINGS. She has two hands that she can USE. To TRANSPORT things. When she was just crawling, she'd have to use her mouth. (??? I know, she's a nut) But now she can have one thing in each hand and a third in her mouth if she so chooses. Messes seem to follow her every where she goes.

But - wow has it cut down on time spent having to entertain the child. She walks everywhere and that seems to be enough for her. She explores all on her own and just wanders and wanders. Sometimes in the same small circle over and over. But it keeps her entertained and she knows very well it keeps us entertained as well. She's a show off so her having yet another way to do so is just fine with her. Us too. Even if it does mean everything in the house now has legs.

Posted by Kim at 11:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We have tried, on occasion and with no luck, to let Li’l Miss M cry herself to sleep at night. She’s gone for over two hours without giving in, without calming down. On a whim, I tried again last night. Forty minutes later it got quiet. I went to the stairs to confirm and what I had expected to be a sense of accomplishment, a feeling of pride in my child, a big sigh of relief that finally maybe she would catch on wasn’t that at all. I was devastated. I sat down on the stairs and cried. I just let my baby fall asleep crying. What kind of mother does that? That’s no way to fall asleep. I felt horrible. But she did and I was proud of her. I really was. She’s never even come close before so that she finally gave in and calmed down enough to even lay down, let alone fall asleep is awesome. It doesn’t make me feel any better about it though. And now that I’ve started it, I can’t just stop. So the next few nights will be interesting.

The cool part. The best part. The part I do not feel even remotely bad about: So she fell asleep on her own – that’s pretty cool on its own. But. BUT! Holy moly! I had to wake her up this morning! When I woke up at 6:30, I panicked. Where was the crying baby? The house was silent and had been all night long. I spent the next hour and a half waiting for her to wake up screaming. But it never happened. I ended up having to go in and get her up so we could get going for the day. It’s unheard of! And awesome!

So, for the first time in 13 months, 2 weeks and 3 days not only did she put herself to sleep but she finally FINALLY slept through the night. I don’t care if it’s a fluke and doesn’t happen again for quite some time. Point is – it finally happened. Maybe there is some potential for normalcy to life with kids after all.

(As a side note, I felt even worse about all of it when I realized getting her up this morning, that she had at some point thrown up all down the front of her crib last night. I know it’s normal, hysterical, screaming kids tend to do that. But she had never done it before and I didn’t hear it happen and I felt awful. There is just no fun in this cry it out method at all. But it’s my last resort and I know instilling good sleeping habits in her is very important so we’ve gotta do what we’ve gotta do. No matter how much I hate it.)

Posted by Kim at 11:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's a month late. I know. We had her one year pictures taken a little late since we were traveling over her birthday and then had to wait to get the digital images.

I took her in to JCPenney's Portrait Studio once a month to have her picture taken - to document her "growth" (and my bank account's demise). Would I do this again? Hell no. For a number of reasons -

First: I was not impressed with JCPenney. I knew that would be the case before I even started. (That is not to say the one girl who photographed M enough that she actually let her touch her and play with her and pay attention to her was not awesome - she was, she did really well. It's just the portrait studio itself, their props, their drops, their options, etc.) But, given that we do live in a relatively small town, there weren't a whole lot of options. Also, since we're not up there very often, we had to work around that schedule as well. So we were stuck using them. I'll continue to use them as long as we live in Winchester and since I bought a 2-year membership but I won't recommend them and I wouldn't use them again for any other children I may some day have in my little dreamworld.

Second: Seriously? Look at those pictures. Sure, you can see the difference between "two weeks" and "three months" but can you really see the difference between "eight months" and "eleven months?" Not really.

Third: My goodness it was expensive. Especially since I'm the moron who HAS to have too many pictures no matter what. I couldn't just settle on the pre-selected packages that were less than 10 bucks. No, I had to mix and match poses and whatever. Too much money. (Now, if you're my sister who happens to be married to someone who runs a photography business: I HATE YOU, then sure, cost would not be a factor and I'd be all over that. Otherwise, save your money and put food on the table! Sheesh!)

Fourth: I'm too lazy. Having to make sure we have an appointment on the right date at a time of day least likely for baby meltdown and then drive all the way over there. Bahhhh. Yuck. And having to decide what she'll wear?? That just takes WAY too much energy.

And, finally, fifth: I absolutely, positively, without a doubt KNEW I would be displaying the pictures as I got them. No question. Then we go and put our stupid house on the market and each picture stays in its envelope until it's completely outdated. Yeah. So that part totally and completely sucked. I am going to have to pretend, if we EVER move, that I'm just getting them all over again and we'll have to rotate her pictures out every month until I have actually used them - who cares if the kid is FIVE by then.

I say, no, I wouldn't do it again. Monthly is insane. Do the every three month like everyone suggests (and like I had originally planned. Really. I swear). And I would absolutely stand by telling anyone that (except my sister - man, if you aren't taking them WEEKLY, you're nuts!) - do it the easy way: shortly after they're born, three months, six months, nine months, one year - the way NORMAL people would do it. Duh. But give me another kid and I gaurantee you, I'll be in a portrait studio, somewhere, once a month every month until that poor child is one. Such a waste. I am such a freak. And, now that it's coming up on that 13th month, I'm feeling a little bit of a loss that I don't have to make an appointment, that I don't have to worry about what to put her in, that I don't have to drive all the way over to the mall and then wait two weeks to get the pictures back so I can drive back over to the mall to pick them up.

Wait. No I'm not.

Posted by Kim at 2:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

She's gonna be rear-facing til she's TWO. I swear!

We had her weighed at her 9-month check-up and she was 16.something. We were sure by the time she was one, or just shortly thereafter, she'd be 20 pounds and we could get a new car seat and start her forward-facing. Afterall, she'd been gaining about a pound a month since she was born, so that assumption wasn't too far off. Ha! 17.9 pounds. Barely over a pound in three months! The kid is TINY. (Until you've been packing her around all day. Then - not so much.)

And, no, you cannot give her a cookie to try to fatten her up. She's perfectly fine.

Posted by Kim at 1:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

How did the party wind blow?

Let me count the ways:

The wind was unbelievable.
There were no decorations. Because of the wind.
No cupcakes were put out. Because of the wind.
There were hardly any balloons. Because of the wind.
The presents weren’t put out. Because of the wind.
The favors weren’t put out. Because of the wind.
There was no yummy, pink punch. Because of the wind. (The favors had to go in the punch bowl so they wouldn’t blow away.)
The whole tradition of the first time the baby gets frosting and cake was ruined. Not because of the wind.
Nothing that I waited to get because why pack it all the way across the country?? was sold in that town. Also not because of the wind.
The present-opening didn’t work very well because we couldn’t put anything in front of her because it would blow away. Because of the wind.
No one could hear anyone else. Because of the wind.
The wind totally blew. In both senses of the word.

Grrrrrrrr.

I had started planning and working on this party months ago. Anyone who could ever possibly think the first birthday is for the child, is smoking crack or just simply an idiot. Of course it’s not for the child. She got a spoonful of cake and frosting so it was a total success in her eyes. Her eyes are not the ones that had to see everything that went wrong. Nope. Those were mine. It was supposed to be nearly perfect. I was planning it from 2,000 miles away so I knew it wasn’t going to be completely perfect. But for it to be a total disaster was not at all what I had in mind.

It was supposed to go like this:

One table with a pink table cloth for the cake and cutely setup cupcakes. A punch bowl with pink punch and ice. Pink cups, pink plates, pink utensils and pink napkins set up around a large pink centerpiece for a first birthday.
Another table with a pink table cloth for the presents. The presents wrapped in pink wrapping paper with pretty pink bows and pink gift bags (that were mostly NOT sold in ANY store in the ENTIRE city). The little favor bags of pink jelly bellies with cute pink “thank you” tags stacked nicely, next to another pink, first birthday centerpiece. A silver and pink banner draped along the edge of the table that read “Happy 1st Birthday!.”
Balloons were supposed to be attached in bunches to the edges of both tables. A banner was supposed to be hung with streamers.
A third pink covered table, with decorations for people to sit at and enjoy their adorable cupcakes and yummy ice cream while they watch the adorable birthday girl, in her PERFECT birthday outfit bathe in cake and frosting while she tasted it for the very first time ever cuz that’s what the first birthday is for you know.

But… that is not how it played out. Not at all.

Want to know what happened to all those decorations and banners and things? Well hopefully my sister feels like throwing a PINK first birthday for her baby because they were useless for mine. They sat in a bag, under a table, that ended up having Sprite dumped all over them because – oh, imagine that, the wind blew over the cups that were left unwatched.

Needless to say, I was very discouraged, disappointed and pissy. However, that did NOT stop me from loving watching that little kid with her first cupcake. Or watching her munch on a spoon covered in cake and frosting for a good half hour. Or watching her not give a damn about all the cool presents so long as she had that spoon in her mouth and everyone’s attention. So – while the first party was a disaster, the spirit of it was a complete success. And so were her outfits! She had a cute pink dress for her party and then, to get all messy and covered in frosting, I made her a onesie and bib to go along with the cupcake part of the theme. Which, really, was such a good idea. I can’t imagine trying to get frosting out of anything else, or at least cleaned up enough to put her in a car, and she had it EVERYWHERE. Granted, she didn’t get in the cake like I had hoped (since that’s why I even made it), but she sure did get frosting everywhere from the cupcake she devoured.

At least there are some adorable pictures that came from it. And she had such a blast, she passed out at the end. And really, isn’t that how EVERY good party should end?

Posted by Kim at 1:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This has been the month of 8 million teeth, grunting, jumping, whining, puking, giggling and so much more.

It’s hard to believe we’ve made it been through twelve months already. Each one getting easier and yet harder than the month before it. It really did go by so fast and yet, last June feels like ages ago.

This month she has discovered she can grunt for things she wants. That’s been fun. And if you don’t listen the first couple times, it turns into major whining and fit throwing until she does get what she wants. The other night, I was on the phone with my sister while I was making dinner. I had just grabbed a spatula out of the drawer to serve it and was walking around with it for a minute. Little Miss Must Have Everything started making obnoxious noises and I, paying only half attention, thought “what a spaz, chill out.” A few seconds later, she was reaching and screaming, trying to get the spatula from me. So, thinking it was so cute that she knows how to express she wants something specific, I gave it to her. Way to not give in to the demon-child’s every whim. Whatever, I had plenty more to serve dinner with and it occupied her long enough that I actually could serve dinner. Things like that are hard to come by these days! Anything longer than a split second and god only knows what the kid will end up doing/putting in her mouth.

She is most definitely in the stage of putting things in her mouth. I hate this stage. It needs to go away just as quickly as it stormed in and ruined my life. I cannot take my eyes off her for a second or it’s a fishing expedition in a baby’s mouth. And it’s not only small things she finds on the floor. It’s ANYTHING she can get her hands on. It doesn’t even have to fit in her mouth, she’ll just put her mouth on as much of it as she can cover. And then chew. We have teeth marks on everything now. Her crib? Her brand new crib she had never even slept in? First thing she did - chew on the rail. She occasionally tests out the biting people – okay, probably only me – waters. She looks at me before she does it, like she’s gauging the likely-hood of getting away with it. And for the record, no, she doesn’t.

She now has eight teeth. Well, almost eight. She absolutely has six and the other top two have started coming out. So I’ll count them since I can feel them when she chomps down on my fingers. She loves to have her teeth brushed which is so very cute because she will usually get so excited for it. Lately she has taken to biting down really hard on the plastic-finger-thinger (which, yeah, my finger is in it and really does feel it). It’s high time to graduate her to a toothbrush I am thinking.

The child has a third hand. That would be her mouth. Remember how I said she puts EVERYTHING in her mouth? Wanna get something from here to there? Well just put it in your mouth! She can crawl with things in her hands but it’s oh so much more speedy to shove it in the mouth and have hands-free speed-crawling across the house. Not only is the mouth good for chewing and biting, it’s a great packhorse as well! She’ll put little toys in and crawl around every where with them dangling from her lips. She has a little red strap that looks like a toy tongue that she packs around. The other night, she put a puff container between her teeth and packed it around the living room. That was quite a site. It was too long for her normal approach so she had to tilt her head a little so it didn’t drag on the ground and trip her up.

And speaking of her mouth… She’s been taking lessons from the old, cool, basketball-playing Michael Jordan. If she doesn’t have something in her mouth, she’s got that tongue dangling out of it. To the front, to the side, doesn’t matter. Tongue must be out.

She also climbs everything. Especially people. Even more especially when she wants to be held. She'll climb up your leg and latch on and not let go til you pry her off to pick her up. If you don't pick her up, but just pry her off and put her back down, an instant later, she's completely attached to your knees again. And she weighs nothing so sometimes it's hard to know she's even there. Which can be bad. Really bad. Like when she's attached to the back of your legs so you don't see her and you're paying attention to other things. But of course, I would have no experience with that.

She waves to everyone now. We go for a lot of walks at night and she waves to people clear down the street, or cars driving by, or birds flying by. Waving, waving, waving. It's her new thing. She's always got that hand going when she sees other people. She waves when we leave her at day care and when we pick her up. The first time she waved to me when I dropped her off, it made me so sad. Now it's cute. Especially when she waves to every single person as we leave. Hey - at least she's starting out friendly. For now.

She has recently started the seated jumping thing. Mostly when she sees her dad. She gets very excited. Her hands go up in the air and she bounces up and down on her knees and just squeals. It’s hilarious. I say she usually does it when she sees Dan, but she also does it when no one is paying any attention to her at all or is even in the same room with her. So who knows. She’s a nut. She’s started adding some giggling to it too. Which is something else entirely. She’s never really laughed much. I’m sure I’ve mentioned that. The last week or so that has changed entirely. She will giggle like crazy. Nothing is cuter. Nothing. And hers is so funny.

Something that is not so funny is her new eating habits. She has no interest whatsoever in her food – only your food. She rarely eats baby food – even Cheerios and puffs which are baby crack to her are so not cool now. No, she has to eat whatever you’re eating. Doesn’t matter what it is. She’s like a begging dog. Literally. She’ll stand at the chair and stare and moan and grunt and whimper til you give in and give her a bit and then she’ll grin and squeal and then start all over again. Exactly like the dogs. It pretty much started a week or so ago when we ordered pizza. She whined and whined, because apparently I starve the kid - so I gave her a small piece of the crust. Not really sure what the hell I was thinking. She ate a bit of the crust, no big deal – it was new and novel. Then we ordered pizza again this weekend. I put a couple pieces on my plate and went to sit down and eat my dinner. She was in the middle of the floor when I started. I sat down, she looked, saw the pizza, shrieked at the top of her lungs, giggled and teleported herself to my knees. She did it every time Dan or I sat down to try to eat any of the pizza. She’ll climb up, grab on to your legs and giggle and grin and grab until you give in. She’s actually taken a couple pieces off the plate but never tried eating it. She grabs it and sort of flings it around showing you, “This! This is what I want you over-grown idiot!” So apparently, if we ever really need her to eat, we just need to get some pizza crust.

Conveniently, the begging all started right when we’re able to give her a lot more foods now and she’s actually willing to try about anything that you feed her (or that she finds on the floor – mmmmm yummy rocks - ARG!). She may not like it, and it may come out all over the floor in little, chewed up, mooshy pieces, but she tried it. Or, she may like it and still chew it up and spit it out just BECAUSE SHE CAN. Which I have accepted is the way of life from here on out. I get it. I am accepting it early and giving in to the drama that will forever be the baby’s way or no way. I figure life will be much easier getting that out of the way now instead of trying to fight it for years to come.

She has just learned "uh oh" in the last couple of days. It's all I've heard. She even uses it correctly most of the time which is so cute. For now - I know it will soon get old. But for now, it's adorable.

Random Things I’ve Learned During the Twelfth Month:

- Incredibly sick babies are absolutely no fun. But they are so cute in their cuddly, mellowness.
- Not being able to immediately fix your incredibly sick baby is heartbreaking.
- Giggly babies are contagious.
- Two words: baby songs. Love ‘em!
- Up! Up! Up! Does not exist for itty-bitty babies but when bigger babies figure it out… all yah see is their chins because Up! is somehow so fascinating.

Posted by Kim at 12:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Five teeth.
Crawling like a madwoman.
Barely 17 pounds.
Pulling up on everything.
Almost standing by herself.
Babbling endlessly.
Tantrums like you wouldn’t believe.

Oh? You want more? Then YOU come live with her!

It seems with every phase that moves forward in happy/cool ways, there are the pieces that make you want to tear your eyes out. Like, it’s so very cute how she speeds across the floor to the other side of the room. But not so cute that you can’t reach the little pieces of god knows what before she’s shoved them in her mouth. How it’s absolutely adorable that she’s found her voice and sings and jabbers and tells all sorts of stories. But absolutely annoying that she shrieks in hatred any time you don’t let her have exactly what she wants exactly when she wants it. So sweet that she cuddles up against you when she feels like it and not at all sweet when she doesn’t and shoves away from you so fiercely that you about drop her on her head.

I took her home to Utah with me for my sister’s baby shower which meant she got to see her dogs. I didn’t think either of them would remember each other. Chances are, they really didn’t. But that doesn’t mean Madeleine wasn’t completely fascinated and in love with them. (Which broke my heart to leave them there all over again.) She loves dogs. My sister has an obnoxious Pomeranian that loved to jump all over Madeleine. I really don’t know which one of them loved it more. There was almost a sense that she really did remember Scully because she really wanted that dog the whole time. And Jordan too but Jordan didn’t want a thing to do with her. Surprise. Surprise.

She also loves baths and being outside. I finally caved and let her graduate from the bath seat to having free reign of the bathtub. She loves it. She can move and chase her toys and play with everything and sit however she wants and climb the sides and do everything that absolutely freaks the holy crap out of her mother. She loves going outside too. She doesn’t care what she does while she’s out there, she just likes being out there. The weather has finally been nice enough to take her out quite a bit. I know at day care they spend a lot of time outside with her and she’d have it that way at home too if her parents were nicer. The nice thing is - we can combine the two! We bought her a little pool for the summer that we can put a little water in and let her sit in. We got it out the other day after we did some yard work. The water was freezing cold but she didn’t care one bit. She sat right down and hung out, playing with her toys until it got too cold to leave her out there. That’s going to save my life this summer, I am sure.

Her favorite thing to do lately is to sit in her room and pull every book, CD and DVD off her shelf and scatter them everywhere. Actually, if it’s in something and she can get hold of it, she’ll pull it out and scatter it. Diapers. Clothes. Toys. Papers. Cords. Pretty much anything she can get her little hands on. And you can’t keep her hands off anything so she’s been all sorts of fun.

While we were in Utah, she started making “fish lips.” It started with her just sucking her cheeks in and pushing her lips out. It has morphed into smacking, kissy noises. And she does it all the time. It’s very cute. Sometimes she’ll do it on her own just for fun. Other times, she’ll do it to you and go back and forth with you doing it to her. Then she grins and giggles because she just loves to play games. That’s been the coolest thing so far I think. That she gets it now. She knows she has control, she knows she can do things and she knows she can be playful and silly. That cognitive realization on her part has been the most fun and probably the best part so far. That she can react and respond has been so great but even better is that she can initiate and start the games now. And she knows that’s cool. Which makes it even cuter. She has this face, this “Yep, I’m the coolest thing around” face that you can’t help but laugh at.

She loves to be put in boxes. A couple of weeks ago, to entertain her and CHILL HER OUT, I put her in an empty Huggies box and pushed her around the house. She thought it was the coolest thing ever. And then, a few nights later, I put her in a storage tub and pushed her around in it. It was also so cool. Then I put her in a little box she barely fit in. She didn’t care, she had a blast. Now if there’s an empty box around, she tries to climb in it. She doesn’t care if it’s moving or not, she just likes sitting in them. Whatever keeps her happy…

She’s also had probably the roughest month this past month. Remember last month when I was all, “teething was a breeze! Woo! Woo!” Slap me. Hard. Those first two were terrible teases. She was getting multiple teeth at once so she was pretty grouchy. On top of that, she managed to get a nasty sinus infection. The two combined about killed us all. She wasn’t sleeping AT ALL. She was hardly eating. She was generally miserable all day long which doesn’t make her parents all that cheerful either. She happened to get the sinus infection the same week that her day care had the plague so I guess it worked out okay. She was having to be at home anyway so it didn’t matter so much that the day care had to have cleaners come in and sanitize everything because they had so many things break out all at once. Those of us who ended up in doctors’ offices for whatever reason got to hear that “things are going around like crazy now,” but it’s still a little crazy hearing that so many kids were sick with so many different things all at once. But now everyone’s all better and everything’s been cleaned and sanitized and they’re all back to normal.

And speaking of day care… Yeah… Let’s talk about day care for a minute. When I drop her off in the mornings you’d think I’d spent the night tormenting and torturing her. She cannot get out of my arms fast enough in the morning. She will actually start pushing off me trying to get down and throw a fit if they don’t get to the door fast enough in the morning. Once they do get to the door, she grins from ear to ear and puts out her arms and practically jumps to them. One day, a couple of weeks ago, she started screaming because Patricia and I were talking for a couple of minutes and she didn’t take Madeleine as soon as she opened the door. So yeah, that’s the morning ritual. The evening – when we go to pick her up? Not much better. She’ll look at us and smile but how DARE we take her away from her toys and her friends?! Who do we think we are trying to get her to come home with us? How dare we interrupt her day!? Sure, it’s a million times better than her being miserable and hating day care, but come on! Are we really that terrible to her? That boring? We’re so screwed if that’s the case already.

Random Things I’ve Learned During the Eleventh Month:
- It doesn’t matter what you do, you cannot keep them clean anymore.
- Dirty baby clothes are nowhere near as cute as clean ones.
- Picky eating habits start too early.
- The only thing that makes you move faster than your baby choking is your baby falling over in the bathtub.
- Baby songs are the best songs ever.
- Baby stories are the best stories ever.
- This child is never going to wean.
- Baby teeth are so teeny and cute.

Posted by Kim at 10:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My sister's husband just started a new photography business. For fun, he set everything up the night before we left Utah to take some pictures for practice. It was pretty late so Madeleine was a little uncooperative but she did let us get a couple of semi-decent pictures of her. However, it's sad when the dog is more well-bahaved than the child.

Posted by Kim at 4:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Every month as days go by, I tell myself, “write that down so you don’t forget it come monthly post time.” Every month. Do I do it? Have I ever done it? No. “I’m not going to forget THAT. There’s no way!” Come post time, I don’t have a damn clue what to include. What happened this month? When? Wasn’t that last month? I can’t keep track. And this month? This has been the craziest, most to report on month yet. And what do I remember? Uhhh….. Let’s work on that...

Teeth. Scooting. Crawling. Eating (or not eating, rather). Tantrums. Playing. Sleeping. I know there are more. I know it. And since I never write anything down, they’re lost. In the abyss that is my brain. Never to be found again.

But of the things I do remember, or at least think I do... We'll cover them briefly because of course I don’t remember details. What a great start to this whole Mom thing, huh?

Teeth. She’s got ‘em. She uses ‘em. They’re sharp. They hurt. She had her two bottom front teeth come in at the exact same time. I was terrified of the teething process. I just knew she would be unbearable. That’s just my luck. Everyone warned me of teething. I had all sorts of plans on how to make it less painful for her, I was ready. But. Wait. What? They’re here already?? But there was no warning! There was no fussing! There was nothing but two little spots to tell me she was getting teeth. And they lasted barely two days until POP! Two little teethies poked right up. While she was getting them she would not let you see in her mouth. The girl’s jaw has a grip. She loves to have them brushed though. I think she just loves the toothpaste. Might as well be giving her candy.

Scooting & Crawling. This happened too fast. Last month it took all the effort she had to move around. Not that she wouldn’t do it, but she was kind of like a little turtle. Slow but determined. Then she got a little quicker. She’d scoot anywhere and everywhere. Then? Oh. Oh dear. About two weeks ago she just up and crawled. I cried. Not because “oh, my baby’s growin’ up.” Not because it’s an important milestone. Not because I was so happy that I got to see her crawl for the first time since I was home with her since day care was closed. No. None of those reasons. I cried because oh shit – what am I supposed to do now? She’s mobile. She can move from place to place. By herself. Without my help. Or worse – without my approval. I can’t just leave her in one room anymore and walk to the other room for a minute. She follows me! It’s really kind of creepy. Tiny little creature crawling up to you, grabbing your legs. You kinda just want to cringe away. They’re not supposed to do that. They’re supposed to be helpless and still and whine and cry when they want to be moved. I know, what rock am I living under? It is very cute. She was very slow and hesitant at first. She wasn’t really sure of what she was doing and what moves when and what goes where. But now she’s a little turbo-baby. And she’s learned to run (well… you know what I mean) away. The joys that’s going to bring.

Eating. If it’s baby food consistency, she’s not interested. We’re back to bribing her with her own spoon to get her mouth open enough to shove food in it. She’s great if she can feed herself, she loves the solid foods. You know what she loves even more than that? Baby crack. She shovels those things down like you wouldn’t believe. I try not to give her too many of them, I know they give her plenty of them at day care. And really, if it’s anything she can put in her mouth herself, she’s fine. Pieces of cheese, chunks of toast, pieces of mushy fruit. It’s just the liquid food she’s not so fond of anymore. I mean, come on – it’s for babies. I’m glad that she can eat a wider variety of food as she gets older. I can’t wait until nothing is off limits and I can just let her go crazy. I do think I am more paranoid and careful than I really need to be. I feel like I am holding her back in the food tastes and experiences she could probably have at this point. But with all the “don’ts” out there, it’s hard to keep track and know what truly is a “do not feed this to your child. Period.” So I err on the side of caution and am a wuss. Poor, food-enjoyment-neglected kid. I’ll work on that one though.

Tantrums. Oh yes. These are fun. Why didn’t anyone tell me they started this young?? We had our first How DARE you take that away from me! fit a few weeks ago. And the But I don’t WANT to do that right now! fits. She’s a diva as it is. Now that she can throw deliberate fits? I’m so screwed.

She loves playing with her toys when she’s in a good mood. Which, really is pretty often. I know I make her sound like an evil monster but she really is a well-mannered baby. She’s quite independent and will happily play by herself when she wants to. Her favorite toy right now is her Pack ‘n Play. “Put me in. Take me out. Put me in. Take me out.” But more than that, she LOVES to push against the mesh sides. And loves it even more when you push back at her. She thinks it’s hilarious. She is getting very playful herself. She loves to play with people and loves it even more when they play back. Now that she’s mobile, she makes a game out of that as well.

She’s sleeping a little bit better but that’s not why I mentioned it. It’s how she sleeps that let it make the list. Her new thing is to sleep on her belly with her legs up underneath her with her butt up in the air. It doesn’t matter how you put her to sleep, that’s how she ends up. It’s very funny.

Oh! And the screeching!!! We thought it was bad before. She’s always had a loud, high pitched squeal that she’s done forever. It has just evolved with her. Now it’s an ear-piercing, loud as can be screech that she does whenever she feels like it. Which usually happens to be when we’re out in public in a semi-quiet place surrounded by strangers. She thinks she’s a hoot. Especially when the strangers around her start smiling and laughing at her. That just adds fuel to her fire. And they get louder and longer and higher and more and more painful. (The sound AND the embarrassment factor.) It really is kind of funny but I don’t want to add fuel to her fire so I refuse to entertain it. Though it does no good when everyone else around thinks it’s the most adorable thing ever and has to tell her so. Hmph.

This month I would say has been one of the most fun so far. Granted, it’s the month she’s done the most growing up and it’s freaking me out that I don’t have a “baby” anymore. But she’s growing up and learning and figuring things out and it’s so much fun to watch that.

Random Things I’ve Learned During the Tenth Month:
- Nothing makes you move faster than your baby choking. (I know, what a way to start a list, huh?)
- Do NOT tease with the puffs. It’s not a joke.
- Bath time can be the most productive time of the day if everything is portable.
- Walks outside in the nice weather can save your sanity.
- So can walks around the house in the stroller. (??? Makes no difference to her)
- Cuddly babies = best babies ever
- Independent, do things for themselves babies = also best babies ever

Posted by Kim at 4:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

But I think I could get used to this.

Day Care is closed all week so I am working from home. I know it's only Monday and we did get off to a bit of a bumpy start but I think I could like it. Though I am terrified and 100% certain I will be more than ready to go back to work next week.

(...As she's sitting in her swing, hidden behind the arm of the couch, spraying her bottle everywhere... Yeah, ask me again on Friday)

Posted by Kim at 2:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Watching “milestones” pass by has been a little sad though not devastating like I think I had expected. Sure I’ve felt a little bummed having to put old clothes away or give them away once she grows out of them. Or when we’ve stopped using different things because she’s grown out of them. Or knowing with every new thing, something else goes away never to be seen again because she’s growin’ up. Kids grow up, that’s what they do. But nothing could have prepared me for the basketcase I’d be over moving her from her infant bath to the bathtub. That one hurt. She absolutely loves it though. More water for her to play with and a lot more room for a lot more toys. Glad she likes this growing up stuff….

Posted by Kim at 2:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I KNOW.

It’s very late.

I had intentionally planned on waiting until after her 9 month checkup to post her update. Then that came and went. And now it’s two weeks later and here it is. Finally.

Everyone who is around her regularly has been amazed at the different person she is now. One day last month, she just woke up and realized she didn’t hate the world and everyone in it. And that has made life so much easier.

We started the month going through our first food fights. I know, they are no match for those to come but it was impossible to get her to eat anything. So I tricked her. (Yes, I’m starting already and no, it probably won’t end. Ever.) If she had a spoon in her hand, she was content. And if she just happened to put that spoon in her mouth, well, that meant she had an open mouth. So I would wait for that and shove the food in when she didn’t expect it. It worked for a few bites anyway. And then, one night, she decided she was hungry and ate an entire jar of food without any bribing or tricking and then even wanted more when it was gone. Who is this kid????

The switch seems to have happened the weekend my sister came to visit. Maybe she’s magic? Just not magic enough... Remember my excitement about getting to go grocery shopping? Yeah. Well. Even with two people, it’s still impossible. The kid HATES it. We tried. We took treats and toys and even carried her. I need a personal grocery shopper or a delivery service. She’s evil.

Oh – treats. The Gerber Puffs are like crack to her. It’s pathetic. She’s worse than the dogs. If you shake the container in front of her, she shakes all over, her eyes about bulge out of her head, the excitement just cannot be contained. Which is good for when we go out to eat and want to actually eat our food. We’ve learned that if we take some of those along with us, we can sit her down and feed her a few of those and she’s happy as can be.

She’s started being very curious about everything. We had her in a high chair, eating her puffs, the other day at the mall and it was anything we could do to get her attention away from staring down every little thing around her. She has to examine everything. With her eyes, her hands, and especially her mouth. Everything goes in the mouth. That’s been loads of fun.

She isn’t crawling yet but that doesn’t mean anything is out of her reach anymore. She scoots and rolls and stretches and grabs absolutely everything she is not supposed to have.

She is getting very coherent of her actions and surroundings. She gets when she is being silly and playing and knows when she is being funny. She’s learning how to tease and play with you as opposed to just letting you play with her. She’s also getting very independent in playing by herself. She’ll sit on the floor and play with her toys for quite a while now. There was a day at day care a while ago that one of the ladies didn’t even know she was there most of the day because she was so quite and interested in her toys.

And the whole reason I waited to do the post in the first place (if I forgot to include that after all the waiting and procrastinating, well let’s just say it’s a GOOD thing I just remembered) … She’s 16.4 pounds and 27 inches long. And while 16 pounds may seem teeny (I know, it is), YOU try lugging her around all day!

Posted by Kim at 11:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I know it happens. Everyone I know has their own version of the story. Knowing that doesn’t make you feel any better when it finally happens to you.

The baby was hanging out on the bed while we were getting ready to go to a movie. She was fine when I turned around to check the mirror to fix my sweater strap. I fixed the strap and was turning around to get her. It was five seconds. As I was turning around, there was a huge THUD! Of course I knew exactly what it was. I jumped. I gasped. I looked down and the poor baby was lying on the floor terrified. The screaming started. I immediately scooped her up with her dad looking at me like it was totally my fault and how dare I. I tried to comfort her for a couple of minutes and she just cried and cried. Dan took her to give it to shot – and to add insult to my ego injury, she cuddled right up on his shoulder and just whimpered.

A few minutes later we were getting in the car to leave and Dan made some comment about getting to give me crap about this now. I burst into tears. He didn’t get it. The first time for the guilt because I wasn’t paying close enough attention, I wasn’t right there for her. I know it won’t be the last. And I know I hate that. With my whole heart.

Posted by Kim at 6:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Tomorrow my little demon baby turns nine months old. This is of note for reasons other than the obvious (like the one that holy crap! she’s freakin’ old! how’d this happen????) which I will get to later.

When I was pregnant, like anyone, I had a million fears. #3 on that list of fears was breastfeeding. Some days when I was semi-comfortable with numbers 1 and 2, it would take front seat and send me into states of panic like I had never known before. What if I couldn’t do it? What if it hurt so bad like other people had said? Or as hard as people make it sound? What if there were problems? How do I feed her in public? Why does everyone have to judge so harshly either way? What if people judged me? What if I did have to give her formula? What if I had to only give her formula? Am I a bad mother if I can’t do this?

Now that I look back, I think I was probably more afraid of breastfeeding than I was of labor and delivery. There is just such a divide between breastfeeding and formula feeding and people are so passionate about it they forget it’s not really their business and don’t care how much they hurt others with their overzealous opinions. It’s bad enough that a mother doesn’t know what she’s doing, but when another mother – who should understand and support through the battle – starts attacking? How is that a good thing? So yeah, I was terrified for a billion reasons.

Before Dan and I had ever even thought about possibly, maybe, someday trying to think about having kids we would have the breastfeeding fight. He would say I had no say in the matter, I was doing it. I would say, “hello! My boobs! My body! My time! Ultimately MY choice. And, besides, doofus, what if I can’t???” To have a MAN make you feel like less of a woman or mother by telling you that you HAVE to breastfeed their child, I’ll kick his ass myself. I get that they are entitled to their opinion, they’re the dad, they’re certainly involved and expressing their point of view is certainly welcome. But to feel like he will see you as less of a mother, less of a woman if you can’t breastfeed, or even choose not to. I don’t even have words for the lack of support, tyrant ass that man would be. Anyway… So we had that fight for years. Then it went away for years and was never discussed again until we found out I was pregnant. During a conversation very early on, it somehow came up and I made some comment about breastfeeding. About absolutely wanting to do it – to try. (Mind you, the fights before were never because I didn’t want to, they were because I felt like it should ultimately be my choice since I was the one who was going to have to do it. It wasn’t his boobs that were potentially not going to be able to feed the baby. He will never know that fear.) He was taken aback thinking that I wasn’t going to even bother. So then started the conversations of how terrified of: what if I couldn’t it? People are so mean about it. People will be mean to me and make me feel more incompetent than I know I already would anyway.

Good thing my husband rocks. He was nothing but supportive in my decisions with all this. He still is.

So now…. I know…. Four hours later… I’m wordy, what can I say…. My point….

It has been hard. It’s been so fulfilling and wonderful and great and bonding and really kind of easy but it has been so. very. very. hard. I have had to supplement with formula already and I thought I was a terrible mother who was going to breastfeeding hell the first few times. But it’s that or my child starved. I have had a hell of a time with having a significantly low milk supply the entire time I’ve been nursing. It’s not been fun. It’s not been easy. We’re at the point now that she has to be supplemented at day care so she can get enough. Her entire life, whenever she’s with me, she’s eating constantly because there just isn’t enough. I read books, I consulted with lactation consultants, I tried old wives tales and supplements, I’ve done everything I can come up with and still never have enough.

In my head, I knew I wanted to go a year. But what if I couldn’t even get started? Or what if there were problems along the way (which, for the record, I never once even considered the problem I would actually be having. Just my luck.)? So I decided to be a little more realistic and actually set goals that I knew I could reach and break it down a bit. So my goals were like this: Goal 1 – Be able to do it. At all. Establish a successful latch and see how it goes. Goal 2 – At least the first month. Do NOT give up. Make it at least one month. Goal 3 – Get through the first three months. Goal 4 – Go to six months. Anything beyond that is gravy. Just get to six months. Easy. You can do it. Goal 5 – Nine months. Anything beyond this and you rock. Goal 6 – A year. Nice goal. If you can get there, by all means, have at it.

So I’m at goal 5 (phew! 20 paragraphs later and I am finally to my point). We’ve made it nine months. I know that so many people would have given up by now, would have realized it wasn’t worth the hassle or the stress and just gone to formula. And that it would be okay if I did. I hit six months and even the pediatrician said anything beyond that was just icing on the cake. But in my head, there are still those people out there (sadly, some in my life which I think is why it bothers me so much) that will think I’m less of a woman and less of a mother if I don’t make it the full year. But I’m drying up. I don’t get nearly enough for the next day when I pump anymore and it’s driving me crazy. I tell myself it would be so much easier if I would just let her go to straight formula and not have the stress of not having enough, of having to pump freaking constantly. But it’s also something I really value with my baby. So do I let day care feed her straight formula and when she’s with me nurse? I have no idea. Three more months. That’s it. That’s all it takes to reach my ultimate goal. Even if I only half-nurse her that far, it’s more than I ever really thought I could do, so is that good? I know so many mothers, mothers whom I admire and respect much more than anyone I know who preaches ONLY BREAST, who supplemented long before now if not went solely to formula long before now. So why can’t I just get over it and do it? In my head I feel like I will see myself as failing if I give up before June. I’ve made it this far – I have NOT failed. So what’s up with this?

Posted by Kim at 12:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Posted by Kim at 3:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Ummm…. Where’d my baby go? And more importantly – Where the heck did this kid come from?

She’s not mobile yet. No crawling, or scooting really. She can turn herself in circles and of course roll everywhere. But no forward or backward motion. In all of my reading and talking to other moms, I can’t decide if I should be bothered by that or just remember that all kids develop differently. I’m going for the latter until we get her in for her next pediatrician appointment at least. That’s not to say I can put her down in one place and expect her to still be there even ten seconds later. Oh no. I actually have to pay attention to where I leave the baby now.

The other day I was playing with her as she sat on the couch and I realized that she looks more like a little kid now than a baby at all. Every day brings a new trick, a new game, a new way of showing how independent she thinks she is. She has so many things that she does now. 8 months old and already has OCD, I tell yah! Every time we walk up the stairs, she HAS to touch the knob on the banister. When we leave a room, if we pass a light switch – she MUST touch it. And if she happens to turn off the light? Well we’re stuck there turning on and off the lights until she bores of it.

Continue reading "Month Eight" »

Posted by Kim at 10:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

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Posted by Kim at 1:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay, so she's not really. But she's growing so fast. Day care says she's the oldest baby they have yet still the smallest. And at times she does seem so very, very tiny (because she is, I know) but most of the time - she's HUGE!

Posted by Kim at 1:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If I am not doing five things at once, I often feel lazy or bored. The other night I was sitting on the floor playing with the baby and her toys and it occurred to me that I didn’t want to be doing anything else at all. She is becoming this interactive little person who thinks she’s the coolest thing ever.

She’s not wrong.

She learned to sit-up by herself very quickly this past month. I put her on the floor with a blanket around her a couple of times and before I knew it, she didn’t need the blanket anymore. She began the month with toppling right over and ended it with sitting completely by herself for extended periods. Granted, she still topples over every now and again, when she gets bored or too excited and can’t figure out which way to reach. It has made life a whole lot easier though. We can put her down and surround her with toys and she can easily entertain herself for quite a while - especially now that she is figuring out how to play with her toys.

She does have a few favorite toys already. One of them is practically as big as she is. She still loves her giraffe and now she has a gigantic dog that NEVER SHUTS UP! and her gloworm. She grins at them and laughs at them and talks to them like you wouldn’t believe. Mostly she just likes to shove as much of them as she can in to her mouth. If it has lights or makes noise, it passes. If it has lights AND makes noise? Well that’s just the best thing ever. Yes, I already want to throw myself out a window from all the talking and the singing and the beeping and the clattering. Of course she loves the toys that make noise because I swore I’d have as few as possible.

6-months old brought her first Christmas, her first New Year’s Eve (which she so kindly slept right through – well, the “midnight” part of it, anyway), her first swim, her first solid foods (that weren’t rice cereal because that so doesn’t count), her first bloody nose (damn Utah air) her first tastes of actual food of which she is a big fan. Though apparently not of pears. Bring on the vegetables though. We started her with avocados in Utah and she wasn’t really sure about that. Each new food, of course, takes her a while but then she’ll devour it. Except for pears.

With each month that passes she becomes more and more her own person. She is gaining so much control over her movements and sounds. And her parents.

We learned from taking her swimming that she is a big fan of the water. She can't get enough. She has moved to the “big kid” seat in her bathtub. We have the kind that has different spots for newborns and infants/toddlers. She thinks it’s so cool that she actually gets to sit up in her bath now. It makes for a much wetter experience for both of us. She splashes with her arms and legs and has recently started trying to push herself up and forward to get to the other side. The kid knows no fear.

She’s getting much better in the car. We bought a pacifier chain to help keep track of it when she spits it out but that’s only the secondary use for her. She enjoys playing with and chewing on the flowers of it more than she likes the actual pacifier. But whatever keeps her entertained! She’s getting a lot better about sleeping on the commute as well. That’s been sanity-saving. The screams are few and far between and mostly it’s a pleasant ride to and from work each day. (As pleasant as a 1-hour, boring as hell drive can be for anyone.)

We’ve not had the dogs here for a large portion of this month. It’s been pretty sad, especially with as interactive as she’s getting. I’m sure sitting up would help her grab puppy tails a lot more easily. I doubt she notices, or cares if she does, but I feel bad that they aren’t around to gradually go through all the steps with her. They’re going to come back to a mobile demon-child and not know what in the world to do or how to escape her or why won’t this thing keep her mouth off of me??

Random Things I’ve Learned During the seventh month:

-I still have another year to have to care about Christmas.
-Baby food is messy and it seriously can stain. And it smells nasty. Especially after making its way through the system.
-When you’re sorting baby clothes, make sure you pay attention so that when you’re pulling the next size out you don’t realize you missed some that she never even got to wear because you put them in the wrong stinking size section.
-When baby clothes say “6 months” it means 3-6 months, not 6-9 months.
-When the baby is so tiny anyway, it doesn’t really matter what the sizes say because she can still wear pajamas that are 0-3 months so just try it on already!
-When she likes the water, don’t take her out ‘til she’s good and ready (i.e. BLUE), otherwise you will have hell to pay.

Posted by Kim at 4:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Before we left for Utah she was sleeping. A little bit. Certainly not through the night, but she was only waking up three-ish times and was easy to get back to sleep. Then we went to Utah. She hardly slept at all at night while we were there. I figured getting her home and back to her own bed would help and after a few nights, everything would be fine again. HA!

She’s been impossible at nights. And while usually it’s the fussy “I’m so tired but how DARE you suggest I go to sleep” fight, last night was a whole different ballgame. Last night, after weeks of not sleeping, I was exhausted. Falling asleep in the chair at 7:00 PM exhausted. I figured I’d try to get to bed at a decent hour and see if that would help her get a little more sleep through the night. We went to bed around 10:00 and by 12:30 I had taken her into her dad’s room, plopped her on the floor with her toys and told Dan, “Bring her to me when she finally decides she’s tired.” I went back to bed and tried to sleep through her screeches coming from down the hall. Not screams. No. She wasn’t upset. Screeches of sheer delight that she won and now got her toys to play with, not just her hands and feet like what she had in the bed with mean ole’ Mommy.

It seems if I let her stay up VERY late and then put her to sleep, it’s a lot better on both of us. Dan brought her in shortly after 1:00 because she was yawning. Right to sleep. ARG! Though, of course she didn’t stay that way. She’s been waking up so often at night lately and never easily or quickly going back to sleep like before. By the time the alarm goes off in the mornings, I feel like I’ve just barely gotten to sleep. (Because, of course, she sleeps the soundest after 6 AM.)

So my days drag. All I wanna do is get home and try to sleep – knowing she won’t let me. The commute has been horrible. I can barely stay awake. I’m like a mindless drone just trying to get through the day. It’s awful. I’m sure I’m just a delight to deal with as well. Someday, when I wake up, I’ll actually start posting more regularly. And maybe even get her Seven Month post up here. Someday. If I ever wake up.

Posted by Kim at 12:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So many people have asked, so here are a few pictures from Li'l Miss M's first Christmas.

Posted by Kim at 4:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, let’s see… So many things to tell and no memory of what they are.

She is so close to sitting up by herself. I remind her every day that she’s just a baby and she can stay that way for a while, she doesn’t have to be in such a hurry. But she really does try so hard. ..And then she finds her feet and couldn’t care less because apparently they are the tastiest treats around and she face plants onto them.

She is gradually becoming more independent. Meaning I can put her down and walk away for a few minutes before she goes into meltdown mode. She can actually entertain herself for quite some time in her exersaucer (I’m telling yah, BEST decision ever). I can even put her on the floor or the bed and not have to sit next to her the entire time. She’ll find her feet and jabber up a storm.

The jabbering… Oh lord, the jabbering. She will go on and on and on and… Every few days she’ll pick up a new sound and she does it over and over again. It’s very cute. She will occasionally wake us up with her jabbering (certainly prefer it over screams). It’s so funny. And some mornings, if we sleep longer than she wants us to, she will scoot her way over close enough to start petting and patting us until we wake up. So, yeah, smacks in the eye are pretty common during our mornings. She still has her screech. She will get going with those anytime, anywhere. Especially if your ear happens to be anywhere near her mouth. She thinks it’s hilarious.

She is starting to catch on that she’s funny. And boy, does she think she’s funny. (She’s not wrong.) She will do something, grin maniacally and do it again and again. She doesn’t laugh a whole lot, that’s what her high-pitched screech is for. But now and again she will giggle and it’s the cutest thing ever. She has this thing that if I kiss her cheek, she’ll turn her head to mine and umm… try to kiss me back with big open mouth and chomping down of very tough baby gums? Yeah, she bites. So I’ll kiss her, she’ll bite me and then she’ll make an evil little laugh and do it again. The other night she was doing it to my forehead. And she had such a tight grip on so much of my hair, I wasn’t going anywhere.

She has started actually playing with toys. She can reach for them, hold on to them, move them around, stick them in her mouth, throw them on the floor and then freak out when she can’t get them anymore. She has a few favorites, but I think she likes most to play with the dogs. While she can’t stick them in her mouth (she sure does try though), she loves to sit and watch them, reach for them and make sounds at them. We can actually take toys out with us and use them as distractions now. It’s been very helpful.

She loves to go outside - even with as cold as it’s been lately. She’s always liked going out for a few minutes and just being outside. It’s often been a method of calming her down during a massive fit. I’m a bit more reluctant to take her out now that it’s so cold but she’s still happy as can be getting bundled up and taken out for a few minutes.

She had her first Thanksgiving which was completely uneventful for her since it was just another day of the same old food she has every other day of her life. But she did get to spend it making a little friend. The friends we spent the day with have a five-year old who was very helpful with her and played with her, read her stories and heaped on the attention.

I had my first traumatic experience with dropping her off at day care this month, too. I know it was all just coincidence, she was tired, she was grouchy and I just happened to be leaving at the same time she realized it. But seeing the huge tears in her eyes and hearing the little whimpering cry come out as I start to walk away is devastating. I don’t know what I’ll do when she really does cry because I’m leaving.

We finally started the process of solid foods. She started out so well with eating the cereal. And then, after a couple of times, she lost complete interest in eating off a spoon for me. Although, she eats it just fine at day care. Imagine that. She sleeps for them, she eats for them, she rarely cries for them. Ga! That could give a mother a complex! It will be a process, I know that. A messy one. But it’s been fun. She likes getting strapped in to her high chair and if you can get her to eat, she does like it. We look forward to all the foods we’ll get to feed her and the faces she’ll make. We’re going to attempt making our own baby food for her so we’ll see how that goes.

Random things I have learned during the sixth month:

-This mother stuff does get slightly more comfortable over time. (Woah! Don’t get all excited, I never said I was comfortable, I just said it’s getting a little better.)
-When day care tells you your baby steals the other babies’ toys, you wonder what in the world you did to make your 5-month old such a bully already.
-Babies reaching for food and drinks when they don’t have the slightest clue what it is is really kinda cute. (‘Til they actually grab it and fling it all over you.)
-There is no chance in hell you can resist a grinning baby with her arms raised to you.
-Watching the excitement in her eyes and the gigantic grin on her face when she sees her daddy is so moving Every. Single. Time.
-No matter how often you see your baby, there are still some pictures that will move you to tears.

Posted by Kim at 1:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I hate that phrase. However, in this case it’s very true.

Remember how I wanted someone to borrow my dogs for a while? Well… I’ve slowly been getting better with them. My patience is starting to come back a little and on occasion, I enjoy them again. But now we’re going to try to sell this house. Sure, it’s impossible to keep the house spotless with them and their shedding and their 8 million toys. Beyond that, having animals in the house when people come to look (see how I used “when” there and not “if” – I’m being optimistic, all right?!), is apparently one of the house-selling seven deadly sins. We don’t have anyone to come in and get them if someone wants to walk through during the day and that we work an hour a way makes it impossible for us to just come grab them. Sooo…

We’ll be taking the dogs home with us at Christmas so they can spend some good, quality time with their extended family. (Yes, I’m already in a panic. A ton of luggage, a baby, two dogs. Airport security is going to be fun.)

I am a little relieved that they will be going. They will hopefully be able to get a little more attention. I won’t have to go traipsing through the neighborhood in the middle of the night, in the freezing cold looking for the damn little dog. I won’t have to listen to them cry and whine at each other because one won’t share the food. I won’t have to pick up their toys or their messes a thousand times a day. I won’t have to get pissed off because I feel like I am the only one taking care of them. I won’t have to worry about them insisting to go outside the second I start feeding the baby. I won’t have to listen to them bark up a frenzy every time they THINK they hear someone within a mile of their house.

And yet – thinking of leaving them somewhere else, even months before I have to leave them, makes me so very sad. There is no doubt I will cry my eyes out the day we leave them there. And I know the house will feel so empty and lonely without them. And of course I feel guilty as hell. If I were doing it just because they drove me nuts, well, I wouldn’t do it. I just have to remind myself that this is what I have to do if I want this blasted house to ever sell.

But the hardest part about all of it – The part that is an ice pick in the chest –

The baby is starting to take interest in them. She loves Scully. She hugs her and pinches her and pulls her ears and her tail and tries to eat her. She is fascinated with the dog – an interesting turn from before. Instead of Scully fascinated with her and following her everywhere (which she still does because she knows that’s where the attention is), the baby wants to follow her everywhere. She will maneuver herself into the oddest of shapes and positions just to be able to see the dog and try to get close enough to grab her. Of course, it’s freaks the dog right the hell out. But it’s so cute. So that’s what makes me feel the worst. I’m taking the baby’s friend away. I just hope that when bringing them back, the readjustment goes smoothly. She’ll be mobile by then I’m sure and that’ll be all sorts of new levels of fun……

Updated to add: But I certainly won't miss the times that the baby finally, barely gets to sleep and the doorbell rings and the dogs go damned nuts and she wakes up pissy as can be and will. not. go. back. to. sleep. Grrrrr.

Posted by Kim at 1:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Much better.

She really enjoyed it this time. It took her a few minutes to figure out what was going on but then she loved it. Yae!

Posted by Kim at 3:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Five months and one day ago I was under the assumption that you have a baby, that baby is the coolest new thing for a while and then the newness wears off and it’s just a baby that you raise and is part of your life and blah blah blah. What planet am I from? I’m just as excited and in awe of this child as I was the second she was born. The newness hasn’t worn off - I still wanna smother her in love and eat her right up because she is so stinking cute! The emotions and the excitement and the whole experience haven’t weakened at all and I’m not really sure why that surprises me. Especially with my obsessive personality.

So many things to tell this month. She is doing so much and trying to do even more. And there is no stopping her. Which YIKES! This child is going to be mobile soon. Crap. And? I was talking with a friend about high chairs (way back when we were registering for baby things) because I hadn’t originally registered for one. Because I had PLENTY of time to worry about a high chair. That was so far off I didn’t even need to think of it. You’d think having the baby show up a month early and laughing in the face of my “I have plenty of time, I don’t need to worry” craziness, I would have learned something. No. Of course not. Because now we already need a high chair and I haven’t even thought about one! Moral of this story? Time goes too damn fast.

This past month she started being very responsive and adventurous. She started playing with toys (as much as something with no coordination, no real ability to grasp and no idea what in the world is going on can “play” with anything). She has a toy giraffe she loves to shove in her mouth. She also loves when someone is nice enough to squeak it for her. She has a little dog that is almost as big as she is that she also loves to put in her mouth (see a theme hear? Yeah – I’ll get to that). She tries so hard to hold on to it and she’ll hug it up against her and shove its nose in her mouth and try to get it as far in as she can.

She is to the point of putting everything in her mouth. I didn’t know that time came so soon but you cannot have anything near that child without her attempting to put it in her mouth already. Toys. Fingers. Remotes. Keyboards. Clothes. Tables. Scully. If she can touch it, she wants it in her mouth. It started with her fists, she’d try to fit her whole hand into her mouth and then both at once. Now she sucks on her fingers and she’s definitely found her thumb. However, she’s learned how to stop sucking on her pacifier. Her game is to spit it out at you but she’s also learned how to take it out with her hands. She tries to put it back in occasionally but always gets it backwards. So then it’s back to the fingers (or anything else she can reach).

She has started grabbing for things. She hasn’t mastered grasping yet so things mostly end up on the floor. And speaking of being on the floor – she has figured out the rolling thing. She doesn’t do it very often but she can go both ways now. Of course, she likes it better when you do it for her - back and forth and really fast - but she is completely capable of doing it for herself.

She hasn’t done it as often the past week or two but before then she found this new “thing.” This new thing she can do with her voice that makes everyone within 50 feet run for earplugs. She learned how to make this ear-piercing screech that was so loud and so high-pitched that I think I would rather listen to fingernails on a chalkboard. But it was so cute that we’d keep making her do it. It was as if it had developed as her laugh. She would do it like crazy when she was happy. I picked her up from day care one day and they’d said she started screeching and then got all of the other babies doing it too and they couldn’t get her to stop. I guess she thinks she’s pretty funny. It was the funniest, cutest noise. Until she learned she could make an angry version of it. Not so cute after that.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a really bad day and went into meltdown-mom mode. She wouldn’t sleep for me at all and it seemed it was just me. She doesn’t have a problem sleeping at day care. She hasn’t had a problem sleeping for babysitters. It’s just me. So I spent most of the day in tears because she wouldn’t sleep and she wouldn’t let me put her down. So what did I do? I went shopping. I came home with the Baby Einstein Activity Center and a Bumbo seat. She was very skeptical at first. What baby-who-must-be-held-all-the-time wouldn’t be? She has started getting used to the exersaucer and can even stand it for 15-20 minutes at a time. The Bumbo seat is one we’re still working on but it has sure saved my life! It makes it so much easier to have somewhere to put her for 5 seconds here and 15 seconds there. It is a fairly small seat but it makes her look so tiny. When she’s sitting in it on the floor, you stand above her looking down thinking, “Good Lord! She’s tiny! How could she possibly be so tiny??” It is growing on her though, she can lean over and chew (gum?) on the sides of it. I’m sure it’ll soon be her new best friend. And it puts her closer to the dogs which she loves (I’m sure they won’t soon enough).

And speaking of how tiny she is… She’s five months old and probably just over 13 pounds. She really is still very tiny (even though I swear every night she weighs a ton). But she’s been the only baby we’ve been around since we’ve had her. Last weekend we went to some friends’ house for the day and they’d just had a baby boy about a week earlier. Now HE was TINY. I walked in and saw him curled-up on his mommy and I thought, “Wow! She was never that tiny!” But she was! He was a bit over 8 pounds and she was born at just under 7 so she was but that was sooo tiny and she was never that tiny!! Really. It’s amazing how quickly you forget! He was so still and so small and so quiet and so sleepy. And then there was mine… just five months after that – a bundle of HYPER.

She is so interactive now that it’s impossible to not want to pay attention to her. She’s already trying to sit up by herself and of course I want to encourage her but of course I want to tell her to knock it off, she’s just a baby!! Yes, she’s growing up too fast and while I look forward to every new milestone and every new trick, it’s also a little heartbreaking.

Random things I’ve learned during the fifth month:

-Hair pulling hurts. Especially by itty-bitty baby fingers. Especially when she wants her fingers back and they’re stuck.
-A splashing baby in a bathtub is so very adorable.
-A screaming, flailing baby in a bathtub is not.
-Who knew how much you could get done in 5 minutes when you only have 5 minutes here and there to get anything done.
-Who knew a Bumbo seat and exersaucer could save your sanity.
-Nothing in the world is better than a baby giggle.
-Nothing in the world is more peaceful than watching a baby sleep.
-Taking pictures of your baby never gets old.
-Realizing your baby knows exactly who you are and seeing the recognition on her face melts your heart.

Posted by Kim at 1:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Really! Ask the baby!

We took the baby over to a little park area in the neighborhood to see how she would like the swings. I, being the horrible mother that I am, didn’t pack any blankets to fill in the space of the swing. In my mind it would go like this: We’d get to the park, pull her out of the stroller and she’d get fussy. Then we would try to put her in a swing and she would scream like a wild banshee until we took her out and reassured her it’s not a portal to hell and then promise to never, ever put her in it again. So who needs blankets for that, right? Sometimes I really love being wrong. Until I regret it.

We walked over to the park. Took her out of her stroller. Put her in the swing. And wait – what? She’s not crying? Holy crap! So far, so good, right?
Wait. What am I supposed to do now?? I can’t really swing her!

She sat in the little swing having absolutely no idea what was going on so she didn’t dare move. She sat there and stared at the ground and the ropes on the swings and just hung out. We didn’t really swing her because she can’t sit up by herself yet so we knew she’d flop around everywhere. So she was gliding just a little and then decided she kind of liked it.

Then she got excited and happy and started bopping around and oh crap! She can’t hold herself up! Her head falls a little back and hits the swing which scared her into a few fusses and as we are reaching for her to steady her and take her out BAM! She falls forward and hits her forehead on the front of the swing. That just sealed the deal for her. She was done. And mom was wrong which yae! baby had fun but BAD! Mom didn’t plan well. Next time - I promise to take blankets.

Posted by Kim at 2:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I know the “month four” part is a bit late. I was waiting to include her four month check-up with the monthly update. I thought I could type it up as she slept after her appointment. No such luck. She had a very, very rough weekend. So now it’s Monday and she’s technically 4 months and like 2.5 weeks almost 3 and I am just getting around to this now.

Yeah – four month immunizations are not fun. I gave in Friday and called the doctor’s office because she was having such a hard time and the nurse said, “I usually tell all my patients that the 4-month shots are the worst.” Great. Too bad she wasn’t my nurse that day. No one said a word. So a mild fever and lots of sleeping and crying later… she’s back to her normal ways. Though I can’t say the experience was all bad. She actually slept for almost SEVEN hours in a row Thursday night. SEVEN. Let me say that again: SEVEN hours IN A ROW. The baby who barely goes two. While it was wonderful and amazing and great, no I don’t wish her to get nasty shots more often so she’ll sleep.

So four months… Good grief. She’s grown like a weed – cuz that’s what kids do. She weighs 12.9 pounds now and I don’t dare pick up the dogs anymore because they weigh nothing and I am afraid I will break them. And yes, that includes Jordan. Jordan suddenly is so light and small – go figure. She is almost 25 inches long which – okay – she’s two feet tall. That’s not bad, that’s not weird, or strange or odd but I gotta tell yah – the other night I had a dream she started walking like RIGHT NOW and that? That is weird and strange and odd. You picture a little tiny two foot tall, 12 pound itty-bitty thing walking around on her feet. That’s just nasty. It gave me the creeps.

She is constantly getting more and more animated. She’s learning how to use her face and she can make some funny ones. She’s also learning her voice a little more. She was making this very strange throaty “khgeeeee” noise that she just thought was the funniest thing on the planet. She stopped making that noise though and graduated to other – more ear-piercing – noises. (More on that in month five though, I don’t want to get ahead of myself since I’m such a procrastinator.) And along the lines of noises – when she was itty-bitty she would make the cutest, silliest little clucking noise when she would get hungry. I wanted to save that, to get it recorded somehow because it was so funny. But it seems as soon as she learns a new noise, the old ones just aren’t nearly as cool anymore. So I missed the cluck, I missed the alien noises (the one I described above) but, by god, I am getting the squeals!

She’s still flailing about everywhere. Her limbs are always moving and man! Does that girl have a kick! It’s one thing when she kicks the floor or her changing table or her wipes case on her table or her toys but when it’s my face or my gut – ugh – ouch! But it’s hilarious to watch because she gets so very behind every one of them.

Random things I’ve learned during the fourth month:

-Holy cripes! There’s an actual person inside there!
-Babies like to grab lips. Babies like to grab lips with their sharp little fingernails. And pinch. Then pull.
-There’s such a wide variety of baby-smiles and every single one of them is the very cutest EVER.
-Not being able to produce enough milk seriously sucks.
-Trying to do this thousands of miles away from your family also seriously sucks. Not only because you don’t have the support you so desperately need but also because they don’t get to see the faces and hear the noises and see the movements and get kicked in the face and listen to the squeal of delight afterward.
-If you think you want to get something on camera (whether still or video) – DO IT NOW! Because as soon as you realize you want it, they won’t do it anymore.
-Buying diapers still sucks but it’s so wonderful to only be down to jumbo-sized packages once or twice a month as opposed to twice a week!
-What sucks the most – post-partum depression. Yep, that sucks the very most.
-Once they start interacting with you, there’s no going back. They are now the coolest thing in the whole entire universe and they OWN you!
-Always have infant Tylenol in your house. Especially once they have to go through their four-month immunizations, cuz rumor has it, “they’re the worst of the bunch.”
-When your baby doesn’t feel good, your heart doesn’t feel good.

Posted by Kim at 2:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Before I put the baby in day care, I had a conversation with a friend about missing “firsts.” How sad it is and how unfair it is and how ripped off you're bound to feel. When kids spend most of their time in day care, there are things the parents inevitably miss. There was no disillusionment about her holding on to her tricks to show me first. I had a hard time coming to terms with that. Someone else will get to experience the excitement of the first time she does something and not me. Well that’s just not fair. Geeze!

So, yeah, obviously I knew it was coming. Who wouldn’t? Doesn’t mean it hurt any less.

We picked her up from day care yesterday and one of the ladies was telling us how well she was doing with tummy time. “Praise praise - holds her head up strong blah blah. Praise praise - looks around everywhere blah blah. Praise praise - finds us when we say her name...”

Excuse me? WHAT?

So she knows her name. Great. She could have fooled me. Apparently at the young age of four months she has mastered the art of deliberately ignoring her mother. Great.

But it gets better. (In the sense that better really means much much worse!)

She rolled over yesterday. Tummy to back. Twice.
Twerp.
Could she do it for us when we got home? Of course not.

Posted by Kim at 3:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Shouldn't it get easier to leave her in the mornings? Or at least stay only as difficult as it's yet been? It seems it's getting increasingly difficult to leave her every morning. And I only have to do it three times a week. What in the world am I going to do when I have to go back to work five days a week? I never expected to be this kind of mother... Although, the idea of staying at home with her still scares the hell out of me too. I guess I just spend the next 18 years torn between the two and feeling bad wanting to do either one. But seriously, I thought it would get easier. Geeze.

Posted by Kim at 11:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I know, I know. "Would you shutup already? Where's the baby? We want pictures of the baby!" Well here you go:

And here she is, doing what she loves to do most, playing with spit bubbles:

Posted by Kim at 6:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It’s well known that I have, on occasion, tormented my dogs for the sake of funny pictures. I’ve put them in the dryer, in boxes, on shelves, atop piles, put endless ridiculous things on the tops of their heads, and so on and so on. So now that I have a child, one could assume I would do the same to her. Well, I haven’t… yet. However, the other night I was trying to change out laundry with her in my arms and it just wasn’t working. So I turned around, leveled out the pile, and sat her on top of the clean clothes in the laundry room. I didn’t do it for the pictures like with the dogs, but it was so cute I had to take a picture. Poor thing. I’m sure it’s only downhill from here…

Posted by Kim at 2:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Yesterday I took the baby to a Well Baby class at work. It was one about baby toys - what’s popular, what’s good, blah blah. There were a couple of other younger babies there but she was the oldest and the only girl. Since she was older, she had a few more tricks up her sleeves than the new, little guys could have. And boy, did she use them. She was a big hit with everyone. We walked in and she started grinning and babbling and flirting with everyone. Of course, she just had to interject not-so-tiny cute baby noises at the least appropriate times so she got quite a few chuckles. Then she got the hiccups and there’s no stopping the laughs once those start. They lasted a good twenty minutes and hers are not quiet, little, wimpy hiccups. Everyone got a kick out of that. I was kind of surprised with how good she really was. I expected her to make me have to get up and leave with her because she'd cry and cry. She fussed a tiny bit when she got sleepy about half-way through but then passed out and slept the rest of the time. It was nice going to a class like that with new moms – the reassurance that I’m not alone in the chaos that is new motherhood. It was also reassuring to know I’m really not doing everything wrong. There are days that I am certain I am and that I am just not cut out for this stuff. Days like yesterday, seeing that I am actually doing some things right, are very helpful in getting me through all this. It was really great seeing her not shy away from strangers yet. I’m sure that will happen to some degree eventually but for now she’s a pretty decent people person. And she just loves the attention… She is her mother’s daughter (even if you could never tell by looking at her).

Updated to add: No, her hair is not that red. Her hair isn't red. At all. I don't know why it shows up so very red in some pictures. It's really the color of mine. Not that red would be bad, but it's not really what she looks like.

Posted by Kim at 12:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

She had been sleeping in her own little bed and only kind of waking up four or five times a night. I’d put her pacifier back in her mouth and she would fall right back to sleep. I was getting so excited – could she finally be catching on? I thought I’d been dreaming the other night when she went to sleep at 11:30 and didn’t wake up until 6 the next morning. Of course, I just had to go and acknowledge this. Because now? We’re right back to square one. She’s waking up wanting to eat four or five times a night, won’t sleep in her little bed – hell, won’t sleep period. She’s hardly napping during the day. She isn’t even grouchy most of the time she’s up - she’s just up. And wanting attention – lots and lots of attention. Right now she’s sitting here on my lap, wide-eyed, cooing up a storm and sucking on my arms when a week ago she would have been fast asleep and down for the long stretch of the night in about twenty minutes. Oh no. Not anymore. So making dinner, trying to get her bottles washed and getting things ready for the next day are next to impossible. Oh and going to sleep at a decent hour? Ha. She laughs in my face! Well, smiles really big anyway – she hasn’t quite mastered that laughing thing yet.

Posted by Kim at 10:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Madeleine made a new friend this week when our friend Chris came down from NYC to visit. He stayed with us for a couple of days and she was really pretty tolerable while he was here (unlike when she went to Utah). I guess that means she likes her new buddy. We took her down to DC with us to go meet him. She did really well outside for the afternoon while we did a little sight-seeing. She really likes to be outside so far. That probably won't last much longer since it's already starting to get pretty cold.

Posted by Kim at 1:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

But I don't wanna wear this stupid bonnet. Hmph!

Posted by Kim at 10:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

She's three months old and her "newborn" clothes don't fit her anymore. (I know, go figure.) It has just recently happened but it seems it happened overnight. I put her in her pajamas tonight, knowing they were a little small, but oh the sadness of how small they are. They used to go down to her ankles. Now, they barely snap up around her thighs. And I can't get the middle snaps done up around her diaper. She, of course, doesn't care - which is good because the jammies that do fit her are in the wash. But sadly, after this wear, these will start the pile of "too small - move on, Mom."

Posted by Kim at 11:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

By no fault of hers, this has been the hardest month so far. She went from quiet, mellow baby who loves everyone to screaming banshee of terror who wants everyone in the world to explode.

She hates being in her car seat and going anywhere. It doesn’t matter how little time she has to spend in it - she simply wants it to vaporize. Car rides with her have become quite the challenge. Too bad it’s illegal to drive with earplugs. I thought babies were supposed to like car rides? Mine’s defective. But, oh, is she cute and funny!

She figured out how to smile about mid-month and when she’s not screaming, she is grinning ear to ear. She loves watching the ceiling fans, especially when they’re not on. Anything really shiny can hold her attention indefinitely. We put her mobile on her changing table and I don’t think anything makes her happier than hanging out watching her little toys spin in circles. She’s working on a laugh but isn’t quite there yet. Though I suspect that when she gets it, it will come out over sheer delight at her little twirling buddies.

She doesn’t sleep. She’s a little better about sleeping a bit at night, but I really mean the child does not sleep. She’ll take tiny little catnaps throughout the day but not very many of them and they never last long. Everything I’ve ever been told is that babies sleep. A lot. Even at this age, I really believe other babies sleep more than she does. She’s awake all day and then wants to stay up all night as well. Doesn't matter where we put her to sleep, she doesn't want to do it. We took her home to Utah a few weeks ago and she ended up with the car seat we have for her there as her bed. How I long for that car seat… she actually slept in it. The last night we were there, we had to wake her up to go to the airport. If we hadn't, I think she may have slept through the night for the first time ever. Even if we put her in that car seat still awake, she would hang out no problem and then doze off every now and again. If only we could do that here. We can’t put her down anymore. Wait. Let me back up. I can’t put her down anymore. She has become a serious momma’s girl since Utah. She got sick while she was there and I was the only person constantly with her, not that I have any clue whatsoever, but I think that might have something to do with it.

She’s grown out of a few outfits already. Her newborn sized clothes are just a bit too short for her now. We’re actually going to have to start putting things away. That and it’s cold already and all of her up to three months clothes are summer clothes. How in the world do you decide which things to keep, which to give away, which to hold on to for other kids of your own (IF you ever have them: Family, do NOT read into that!), which to hold on to for possible nieces? I have no idea. I just know it’s going to be so very sad to not have some of those outfits anymore cuz they’re just so darn cute on her!

She’s getting more and more responsive to the things going on around her. She has a little play mat that she loves to lay on and stare at. She loves to actually be played with and thinks the dumber you act, the cooler you are. (I’ve been trying to convince Dan this is why she’s really attached to me – I’m the only one who will be completely stupid and idiotic with her.) She just gets more and more fun. I look forward to every new day to see what she will come up with next.

Random things I’ve learned during the third month:

-Never go anywhere without at least *two* changes of clothes.
-There really is an end to endless poopy diapers.
-You really don’t get tired of hearing how beautiful she is.
-Taking a baby on an airplane - to a new state - across the country - with a completely different climate - and a completely different altitude - to meet a whole bunch of people - everyday - for lots of days - being the only person who is with her non-stop – leaves you with a baby that will not let you leave her sight. At all. Ever. She won’t even go to sleep because she thinks you might, just might, leave the room for a split second.
-The first baby smile melts your heart.
-So does absolutely every single smile after that.
-Not even at 4:00 in the morning are baby coos and happy noises anything but adorable.
-One challenge gets resolved just to bring on a new set of them.
-New challenges will never, ever cease to exist. And each challenge will seem more difficult than the previous.
-Babies are mini-celebrities. Everyone wants to know all about them and then tell you how great they are.
-Nothing is more important than loving, supportive family.

Posted by Kim at 12:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If I have to listen to the songs one more time...........

But she loves it so I'm stuck.

Posted by Kim at 5:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What a way to mark the day she is two months old – dumping her at day care for the first time ever. (I didn’t call.) She survived, even had a good day while there. She even slept in the pak-n-play they have for her. Twerp. Sounds like maybe I’ll need to invest in one of those if it’s not a fluke.

She still isn’t sleeping very well at night, but it’s been much better lately. She used to wake up at 9:30 or 10 and then be up until 2 or 3 in the morning. She’s getting a little better of a routine down now but I am sure that will revert back to nights spent in hell as soon as we try to move her to her own room. Lately she’s been waking up an hour before the alarm goes off and that’s not much fun either. But I would certainly take that over being up all night.

She has grown so much in the last month. After posting the 8 week picture, my sister said, “That’s not even the same baby I just saw.” She was only here a few weeks ago and it’s true, she already looks completely different. I knew they grew fast and that time flies, but come on! She’s barely two months old and I already want her to stop growing. I’m in for it, aren’t I??

She has discovered playing with spit bubbles. That’s her new thing lately. And she is the biggest wiggle worm - arms and legs always flailing about. She’ll hold on to a rattle but really only beats herself in the head with it.

Random things I’ve learned during the second month:

-Never go anywhere without too many diapers.
-Don’t ever think a baby can’t melt your heart at least once a day.
-And make you want to pull all your hair out thirty seconds later.
-Just because you’ve heard how beautiful she is from every last stranger on the planet doesn’t mean you’ll
ever get sick of hearing it.
-Even though sometimes on bad days you just want to scream, “Hey, I haven’t heard THAT before!”
-Shopping for me is BORING. (Which is wrong on so many levels)
-Shopping for baby stuff? Now that’s fun!
-Things really do get better.

And, of course, I am completely biased, but seriously – have you ever seen a cuter baby?

(Shut up. You have NOT.)

Posted by Kim at 1:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It’s hard to believe four weeks have gone by since I gave birth to this little monkey. (Maybe that’s because I’ve had less than a week’s worth of sleep in those four…) I never could have imagined I’d love this so much. She is so much fun and I just want to spend every minute with her. Which are a few of the many things mothers will tell you before you have your baby - the things to which you respond with, “yeah, yeah, I’m sure.” But you’re not. You can’t be.

Then there are the things that no one tells you. The things that make you panic just as soon as the pediatrician’s office closes or everyone you know you could ask has gone to bed.

Some of the things I have learned in the first month:
- You don’t need 8 hours of sleep a night but it’s certainly recommended if you don’t want life to be a blur.
- I am never going to be able to leave the house in a hurry again.
- I am never going to be on time to anything ever again.
- Baby toes and baby fingers are the cutest things in all the world.
- Right behind little baby noises.
- Oh and baby lips.
- No matter how many diapers you have, you will never have enough diapers.
- Or wipes.

And the most important thing I’ve learned in the first month of being a mom:
- Even at 4 AM when all you wanna do is stop crying (yes, both of you) and go to sleep already (yes, both of you), just having that baby look at you with big, blue eyes makes it all better.

I’ll stay up just a little while longer to cuddle just a little more, to play with her little hands and toes, to look at her tiny nose and chubby cheeks, and just watch her breathe.

And who in the world could ever have imagined I’d go sentimental and sappy as a mother???? Run for your lives. Really. Cuz I think it might stick…. Because, really, isn’t she just so damn cute???

Posted by Kim at 12:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)